Memories: 24 February 2023

24 February 2024

24 February 2023

I got overwhelmed with my new torch and gas set up as I could not light the torch tip. So I will have to calm down and try again tomorrow.

I had a major panic attack but I had lots of support from my friend Lyn and also Peter down the street. Also lots of tips and advice from the amazing women in “The Women’s Metalsmith Collective”.

They are all such amazing artists and jewellers and so inspiring.

Lyn was worried I might be in danger so she bought me a fire blanket and a fire extinguisher which was on sale in Aldi.

In turn I sold a lovely vase this morning so the $20 I made from that covered the cost of the fire extinguisher and fire blanket.

I was a bit bemused by how the multiverses is pulling out all stops to ensure I have everything necessary to forge ahead with my new hobby/craft.

Now I just need to tamp down my anxiety, have confidence in myself and practice until I get good enough at operating the torch for all my jewellery needs. It may take a while so I need to be patient with myself.

24 February 2021

1:11am Laila Tov, Angels. Two synchronicities from the holy ones in 24 hours. Woweee!! Mama T better be sitting up and taking notice and ready for anything.

I am tired but had a lovely day yesterday. There was lots of love energy flowing to me and all around me. (Even when I went to my doctor to get my medical certificate for my license).

There was a solar flare yesterday so perhaps that made everyone feel joyous! It was great to witness! So much kindness and happiness everywhere. May it continue... blossoming in a fractalised cascade of abundant bliss.

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7:04 am I had a rude awakening this morning. I rolled over into a wet slimy patch right beside my left shoulder. Smelt it. Not Urine but gross. Wake up properly. Eyes still blurry. Feel the patch. Get up, put on my glasses. Go off to get detergent and enzyme cleaner. Bobo, the dear, has thrown up right next to my head.

Oh well. Dogssssss...I am glad it wasn’t pee though.

It’s a beautiful morning. Cool and fresh after last night’s storms. But I reckon it will be hot as Hades again later.

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Welcome to all new members of our Sacred Space Spiritual Circle. Looking forward to seeing you all (gods and weather permitting...) on Saturday 13th March 2021

Blessed Be

Tanya! :-)

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Some weird Jungian synchronicities going on: yesterday I saw Dave sitting in his Jeep as I was driving out of the Woolies car park at Camp Hill. (Ignored him as per usual! But it’s odd how often I come across him given this is a very large city!)

Then just now I was at Coles at Greenslopes and saw Heather walking towards me. The look of shock and horror registered on her face.

I was the bigger Mensch and said “Hello Heather”.

She replied “hello”, looking awkward and asked me how I am?

I replied “I am well thank you”.

We walked by, two formerly close friends like ships passing in the night...like the titanic and that fucking iceberg.

But I know I have done nothing wrong except adhere to my truth so there is that. I sat and had a coffee in the coffee shop there (which I rarely do!) so had to smile at myself secretly hoping she might see me again and stop to chat. Delusional on my part.

It was a tad startling as just this morning I made another podcast episode where I mentioned friends who lent me money to escape from Loganlea and how grateful I was for that assistance. I have not forgotten even though I am now shunned for being an authentic decent person.

C’est la Vie! The gods are watching and I am in good company, regardless of these pathetic human interactions.

I just made an appointment with a new optometrist too, as my former Jewish one (a friend of Heather’s) had the arrant vicious chutzpah of regularly calling me “crazy”. The bitch gets paid to test my eyesight and is not my mental health professional ! So another one I had to distance from!

She was my last connection to the Brisbane Jewish community. Awww where will she get her vicious confabulated gossip from now?!

Lmao…Forgettable... in every way. The Tanya is moving on splendidly. Taking no prisoners and no longer wasting time with fucking nasty idiots.

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Laila Tov (good night!) utterly exhausted. It’s been a very intense few weeks. Lots of love energy flowing to me from my friends and daughter and pets. Lots of new creativity manifesting as a new Spiritual Circle I am starting as well as my virtual spiritual circle Podcast on the Anchor app and on Spotify.

Lots of beautiful things arriving at my door, a new (Free!!!) - secondhand- teak cabinet that Lyn and Peter helped me pick up from New Farm) and lots of spiritual epiphanies as well. The circles of life spinning into infinity then landing in perfect alignment right in my face.

True love manifested in all paradigms and vortices and aspects of my soul. Holding on while letting go.

My beloved mentor and Shaman is off Facebook so there has been some worry on my part about his wellbeing as he is 81. Hopefully he has just gone on a retreat or other shamanic journey in the physical!

But yes...I sense a big change coming to/for my life. Receiving unexpected closures (and in some cases me nailing that coffin shut and lying on top of it so it stays shut....even though my heart still yearns and wishes for a better more blessed, more beautiful joyous outcome but my mind knows it was always bullshit and would never be any different....)

I sense him coming, if not this Sunday as it is his birthday, but I sense him. Strongly. Hmmmm. It was no accident I spotted him in the car park only two days after the 7 year anniversary of our first “encounter”.

My angels, although mischievous and capricious never fuck me around. But they forget how superficial and callow are the hearts of men. Hohum. Next....soon all will be revealed...sealed and congealed in my Book of Life. I was never going to be a Wife as that means Strife but to be truly Belovèd would be a welcome shift.

Volcanoes could erupt and the earth could implode before that happens...but The Tanya knows something is different. I can feel it. Perhaps it’s my tail-end breakdown from further abuses that have heightened my senses or sparked Hope? Silly old chook...always psychedelic dreaming.

Anyway, good night my friends, my countrymen and heroes and heroines, my Warrior Goddess supporters and my poetic muses. No fuses need be blown as I have flown on the backs of butterflies and flutterbys and lullabies and other people’s deceitful vicious alibis and still I rise in my own conscious streaming. Genug. Sleep is for the healed and the mortified. Zzzzz .

Behold a new night and a new day and let us hold our sway on a new miracle. Each day. My way. Obey the gods and grit my teeth...gird my loins and gild my truth.

Betrothed and beholden...to no one but God and my own unique soul signature on this Earth. A coherent cooperation and integration. As above so below. But meanwhile hitch my middle section and lift my assets from the declension (bladder needs healing oh my).

Holding on while letting go. A metaphor for everything. Where was I? Oh yes...schluffing!

24 February 2020

I had intense dreams this morning about Mrs Frances Bernstein z’l. I dreamed I visited her and apologised for not visiting her in such a long time. She was living in a very opulent apartment. Shag carpet, beautiful furnishings. She had a brand new bathroom with a deep spa bath.

Although oddly her bedroom sported a bed that looked like a single blow up mattress, sorta lumpy. It seemed incongruent compared to the rest of her luxurious apartment. I did not say anything about it though.

She showed me her balcony with a glorious view of the sea. She turned to me and said “I was always so in love with you, Tanya” I was a tad taken aback but smiled and said “I know, Frances...” She said her nephew kept in contact (which was true in real life!).

She had updated a wall of paintings with more modern contemporary items. She said “You have to keep moving with the times and let go of the old”. I nodded.

She was still very vibrant in her personality and looked much younger (like in her 50s). I told her I was sorry I had drifted away and was not there for her at the end. But it was a like a glitch in time as she had no idea what I was talking about.

I found myself ushered from her home by a sort of force field. She was bathing in her spa bath with a young couple, and I was amused as she was flirting with the much younger man and I said to the young woman, “You better keep an eye out” half-jokingly. The young woman did seem to get a little worried.

I thought it was a weird thing as she was 85 years old when she died and had never been a flirty-type person (although vivacious!) when I knew her. Perhaps in the dream I was being showed other aspects of her personality. Or perhaps in the style of dreams it was utterly nonsensical.

This is the second time I have dreamt of her in recent weeks. She was kind and decent to me during my attempted Orrhodox conversion (even offering to pay my fare to Sydney to sit my exam in front of the Beth Din!). But I could not in good conscience go through with it after the vicious slanders, the nepotism of richer candidates, or the way Rabbi Cohen has been so unrighteously mistreated.

She was terribly upset. But then turned to me and said “you are a Reform Jew and will always be a Jew, Tanya. You just need to find your “People”!

Little did we both know that I would gradually walk away from Brisbane Jewry and the one time I contributed Cees’s holocaust story for a museum I was to be treated with such disdain and disrespect that I know now that I did the right thing in distancing myself from this Brisbane jewish community.

The Dybbuk is not just in the roof. It leeches up the Brisbane river, seeps in the underground, infests our air and water and psyches. Turned temples and churches and synagogues rotten. Drives madness into the hearts of men to burn their families.

It gets harder to stay spiritually pristine and sane in an unsafe, insane environment. I could blame it on the current “apocalypse” but it has always been this way. (Since I arrived almost 32 years ago!)

But I am finding other spiritually evolved, bright, beautiful people. Across all vectors of society. All is not lost. Not yet. And I am loved. Even in my dreams!

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I had my eye test. I don’t need new glasses but the spots on my eyes are still a concern. I have to be tested again in three months. Macular degeneration. Dammit.

Other than that I have had lots of rest today. It’s been raining so a bit humid but not as hot as we have all been suffering.

24 February 2019

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4:20 pm just woke up after epic sleep from 4 am. Exhaustion finally knocked me off my high-flying cleaning Berserker perch. Yayyy!

Day 14 involved a long sleep. No cleaning got done today. Oh well. Most of it is done now.

24 February 2018

I had a lovely time tonight, dancing with Karen and Jenny. When I went to validate my parking, I was told that the staff member who had been so obnoxious to me over the past 3 years has left his position there.

I am glad to see that my complaints were taken seriously and acted on. He left of his own volition. Awful man.

It rained heavy all night so Jenny and I were drowned rats when we went to buy a pie from the 7/11. The rain is so beautiful, I didn’t mind at all.

Thank you G-d for hot baths with Epsom salts. It will help ease the leg and help me sleep.

Beauregard is gnawing on a bone beside me.

Feeling peaceful, grateful and respected. 🙂

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Something magical and beautiful happened on that dance floor last night. I had started the night off slowly and gently because of my leg which I am wary of causing further damage to.

It ached. But after a few hours I was standing, swaying my hips to the music and I looked up at Jenny and she was smiling back at me and I felt the exact moment when a switch went off in my brain.

Like a supercharged electron has turned on the lights in a darkened storage room and bam! Magic happened. I went off. In a good way!

A young sexy woman with a maxi dress whom I had observed earlier, shaking out her inner goddess, began to jive-thrive with me. She was Wild and Free and full of bright energy and together we danced our delight and our ancient freedom warriors’ might.

She twirled in my hands like fire and I loved it/her. Hell, I don’t even recall the song but I was thrilled and delighted and she was gracious and happy and blew me kisses.

Then another young woman who is a regular came to dance with me and she and I swirled in a semi-erotic rebellion too. I love my Wild Women. Warriors of Light and Redemption, Birthers of new yet ancient paradigms, bringing joy and healing back into the world. Thriving in our brief moments of peak experience.

My Jenny and My Karen. The sisterhood of Wild Survivors of a society gone mad. Loving and protecting each other and not giving a fuck how we are judged or hated by those whom still have not brought forth their own Light.

Magic Happens. Love is Eternal. I am happy.

24 February 2017

Weird sort of day. Feeling hot. Moody. I gave Beauregard a bath. I too, had a shower. So we are scrubbed up nice with nowhere to go. Such is life.

I might go dancing later. If I don't feel too crappy. I woke up with pain in the dead soon to be root canaled tooth. Not cool. But I only have to hold on until March 21st unless it gets worse.

I am holding on to my teeth by my teeth. Haha. By the skin of my chinny chin chin. Chin up Tanya, I have got you.

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24 February 2016

1.30 am pissed on cheap wine. My legs have a 2-day growth. This old witchy crone is off to bed. Psychedelic Dreams will and must Happen.

I pray for a better life for women like me. Strong, beautiful, noble women with guts, grit and glory. A few good men (like Jarrod too!) those who walked where Angels feared to tread.

Those who fought Daemons and Angels and after all is/was said and done, did the righteous thing and Loved the broken, forgotten, abandoned, the Lost, the tragically sad, the Lonely and raised up the broken so they could see that we too, have Value, Worth and Promise (or Potential)!

Who never looked at us as freaks or worthless but saw with kind eyes, the beauty and the strength and determination.

Upheld us even as we walked deep down the Valley of the Shadow of Death because there are places of the Heart that even Death Fears to go.

I came with Nothing, I will leave with Nothing but in the space between, almost 51 years, I am Something, Someone, Some Body. The Sum of all my parts. Sumptuous. Sublime. Subconsciously aware and awake.

Let there be Hope, Dreams, Romance, Life and Peace.

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I would have actually loved that!

24 February 2014

home again from car swapping with my beautiful Crystal. She has an offer of more work tomorrow down the coast but she will take the train, so I can still get to my shrink and get my script I forgot to get last week. Phew! I was getting stressed. All good. Crystal leaves for Melbourne on Thursday, so I will be babysitting my grandson Bunny, so I am looking forward to that.

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Carless tomorrow. Perhaps I will enjoy my 'imprisonment' by cleaning the house. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.....lmao.

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Today has been shitty. Realised I am $500 behind in my finances, more when the electricity and gas bills come. Having a minor breakdown.

Spoke to Optus and renegotiated a cheaper plan. They were very helpful and hopefully I won't get caught out for excess data in future. Psy sighs!

So yeah, am broke and noone wants my arse (or assets!). Which is very fortunate as I won't be eating too well for next 3 months lmao!

Gonna get a life and make fruit compote and dumplings right now. Unless the fruit is off already lol.

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New healthy eating (save money in the house finances!) was an epic fail. Ate 2 bowls of yummy compote with dumplings and um, well, lets just say, scarified my innards.

So now I am craving McDonalds which makes perfect sense. Tanya's junk food addicted body purges healthy food and retains epic crappy toxic food, for further carcinogens later.

Hahaha! So what can I do? Now I am starving but sick and queasy. I am very tempted to drive to Maccas for my favourite chicken burger and fries.

24 February 2013

Happy Purim to my Jew Crew! May we continue to merit to enjoy a Free Happy Healthy Successful Loving Life free from all our Oppressors. Amen!

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Finally slept from 6.13 am to 10 am. Four hours! Better than yesterday when I only had two!!! Gevalt! Will try for more zzzzz's methinks!

Sylvia Shine: lucky you ,i have these bloody headaches,i have a sliw growing non malignent tumor on the brain,maybe it's catching up with me, till now, it's not been bad,so time will tell,then the winner takes all,anyway,four hours is not bad,you can always have a nap later.How's the dancing feet?be well.love Sylvia. x x x

Me: Sorry to hear about the tumour Sylvia. Headaches are awful! I just woke up at 4.30 pm. So glad I slept all day as I was so exhausted but couldn't sleep properly! So a good catch up for my brain to rest.

My feet are still aching from dancing on Friday night, especially the foot I got Septic Arthritis in. It's raining so the dampness aggravates it a bit. Other than that I feel good today. I will be better when I can normalise my sleep into better blocks of deep sleep.

It is so rare for me to have insomnia but I noticed in a diary that I had a bout of it this time last year so I think it might be connected to summer heat, menopause kicking in, and general stress. All good! I shall overcome as I always do.

Love you too, Sylvia xxx

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Dorian Gray, awesome! I adore Oscar Wilde!

24 February 2012

Wet muggy day, but Jarrod and I went to Garbo anyway, just to avoid being stuck at home all day feeling dank and miserable. Home now, but still dank but at least there is a lovely purplish sunset to usher Shabbat in. Shabbat Shalom, Y'all!

24 February 2011

Jarrod Nielsen: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=10283102847&v=info

Me: I also told him that G-d is my "Psychotherapist". S/He/It puts me in situations which although confronting and extremely painful, are the best way to deal with certain abuses.

Examples are: the traineeship at QPSA working with incompetent lazy inadequate policing, during a period in my life when I had been attacked for a period of 18 months from savage psychopaths, and the Police would do nothing, followed by my brief stint at the Office of Health Practitioners' Boards, dealing with complaints on a daily basis (I was archiving complete files from all branches of Health Practitioners, from OT's to GP's, on sexual misconduct which led me to deal with that issue personally).

So this time the Universe has prompted me to look at other avenues of "healing". Interesting stuff.

….Oh ok thanks Jarrod, I thought I made up a new word for dancing and trudging through the gelatinous substance, the mush and muck, the flotsam jetsam, the incredible sludge that is my life. I guess, I read the word splonge somewhere. Glad to see it sorta fits. LOL. Now I'm not a lexoquacious genius, I will endeavour to not come up with new, non-words LOL

Update 25 Feb 2022: So glad that my doctor persevered with this little warrior goddess. That he fully comprehends my spirit, personhood and Mana.

24 February 2009

is in recovery after waiting at the Dental Hospital for over 4 hours grrrrr

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons