Melodizing Life

In the moments where I am truly alone- no friends or answers or distractions- the only thing I reach for is music. These frequencies are humanly made, and yet they’re often the only way to escape our man-made world. It sounds inevitably cliché, but making music in moments of great distress or at a crossroads is the most genuine way I know how to cope. The difficult part for me is coming back to the songs I made in those pivotal moments, and realizing that while my emotions spiraled, I had managed to make my mind up in writing.

I am so overjoyed with the opportunities I’ve had to share my stories through song. Here are some of the ones I hold most dear.

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Honey Home: My childhood was greatly influenced by the safe haven of our little farmhouse. My family lived there for the first sixteen years of my life. It’s where I met my best friend, where I had my first heartbreak, and where I watched my parents fall out of love. It was at this same home that I learned to walk, to write, and to sing. I swung from branches and fell off my bike, more than I’d care to admit. I picked peaches, blueberries, apples, blackberries, plums and cherries from our vast acreage, and faintly remember when my mother used to be a proper mother, who’d take care of her children and bake homemade crisps… the aged walls emanating a sweet warmth, the oven toasting the entire house. Out of continuous growth within the city and the elevated price of living, we eventually had to move. It’s difficult to grasp the concept of a home being “where the heart is” when your heart has led you to a certain place for so many years .

Over three years later, I end up driving past the yard in times of thought, peering through the NO TRESPASSING signs and into the overgrowth. I watched hundreds of sunsets fade over the city in that yard. My parents coached soccer for me, then my sister, then my brother out in the lawn. I’ve managed to lay in the ghost of my old home on multiple occasions, hidden in the shadows of night, so there’d be no suspicion. I’ve always wanted to bottle the feeling of connection I’ve had with this specific piece of our vast Earth. Music allowed me to share that feeling, and there’s always a few teary eyes in the audience when I speak on this unbreakable bond. Usually, I can’t help but let a few tears go too, as I reminisce.

Drive me home: Written prior to “Honey Home”, this song tells a story of difficult truths. While being a very literal individual, I wanted to create something that could relate to the masses. In doing so, I wrote about leaving love. More specifically, I told the tale of two people who could never reach the same page. One person wanted a ride home, and the other- more stubborn- individual kept complaining about the distance and time and worthiness of even entertaining the conversation. Eventually, if someone is unwilling to have the important discussions-

if someone is unwilling to drive you home-

then “maybe you just walk yourself home”.

I believe this piece was a self-therapy session, and I’d forgotten the true emotion behind it until people began approaching me after shows and specifically mentioning this song and the way it pulled on their heart. Those moments revive my passion, and remind me why I’m so meticulous on the lyrics; I want every line to mean something to someone.

Genuinity: I began this song with my mom in mind, who has suffered with addiction my entire life. As the oldest daughter, I can feel the shame that embodies her as she realizes all that was tainted in our childhood.

“I miss your smile, when you didn’t hold the wait of the world on your shoulders”.

I belt this opening line with such emotion, while keeping the fragility of the metaphorical statement. Often times we see too many ‘warriors’ in our lives fall, because they are unable to conquer the evil that constantly overshadows their light.

No Matter: Shortly after ‘Genuinity’ I began writing another ode to my mom… a hopeful tune that spoke only honesty. I realized early on in life that my mom (like many others) had been conditioned to bury all her issues with productivity. If she managed to make her schedule overwhelmingly full, she would have no time to address the things that were undoubtedly holding her back, and it was this realization that inspired the lyrics—

“I know you want to feel appreciated, but being busy doesn’t mean you made it”

To say I have ‘no choice’ over the lyrics I write would be a bold statement, but I know deep down that often times I begin to unconsciously fill in the spaces, coming to peace with situations in life through verses. I have heard from many listeners that the beauty of my music does not simply lie in the melody, but rather the unpredictable lines that follow each preceding one. I am never intentionally confusing my audiences, but rather, I strive to keep them on their toes, while giving them moments to reflect on their own lives. This is my passion, and I’m constantly in awe of the impact of my words, which are simply the notes I’ve melodized after every worldly interaction thus far.

And on to the next song.