"Me"

I'm a fiction writer.

Well, on here I'm not.

I used to think that coming onto Vocal would open me up to "limitless possibilities" and "welcoming readers"! But I don't know why I ever thought that. Vocal is not the kind of place where I would like to write all of my stories, because I see now that my stories are private. My stories, my books- all of them could be out there one day, and all of them could be published, and how could I spoil that to the public?

So I refuse to write anything of any of my stories. Playing With Shadows is the one exception (it is already published anyway, so there's no keeping it secret). All of my other incredible plots I keep to myself.

What can I write, then? If all I have are maximum plots instead of the minimum ones required for Vocal Challenges? What storyteller am I if I cannot even write my stories?

I will journal instead.

You may have seen me do a lot of journaling lately, in between my little 200-word snippets (that failed) for the Micro-Whatever Challenges. That is because, in the past few months, I feel that Vocal has become less and less inviting to me. I've realized that it doesn't have the capability of capturing my thoughts and attention. Occasionally I will find an outstanding story that lives its whole life unread, only glazed over in the Latest Stories section, but other than that, there is nothing. Nothing that catches my eye.

It's very strange. Every time I look over, I think that I see something, someone, new, a new creator who has hired himself or herself onto this platform, but then I find out things, and I suddenly feel more discouraged than before.

My last writing was Vocal, You're Real Funny. And that's true. Vocal is a funny place... sometimes. It's a funny place when I try to not take it so seriously. It's a funny place when I ignore the half of it that isn't that kind of "funny."

A while back, Vocal was an interesting place. I watched with wonder as it grew and grew, as new communities, new functions were added with each passing day. That was when I was new here, and I hadn't discovered something that I see now.

I'm seeing a lot of "me" everywhere. Not just here, but, well, everywhere. I see everything that is about "me" (or "you", if it's an advertisement). Nobody likes to think about each other; everything's just about "me."

So today, I've decided to write something about "me." Just to see how this goes; how focusing on "me" works.

This isn't necessarily an explanation of my whole life. (I'm only so young.) That would take a long time. I don't remember some crucial parts of it.

But I'm a Christian, and I've been Baptized. When I was 7, I stood in my white dress as the priest drizzled the Holy Water over my head, and from then on I was one in the Church.

Ever since then, I have been taught not to focus on myself, but on others. Not to write or sing or dance about me, for me, but for others. To not please myself, or others, but to please God. It confuses me to see this idea of "me" (or "you", if in third person) everywhere. It wracks my brain.

The audience focuses on themselves. The audience likes the idea of "me", everything being focused on "self" and "self-care" and "self-needs." It's all a strange concept to me. I do write about me, but it isn't all of the time. It isn't something I do constantly. I journal for the purposes of keeping track of time and old memories, but not because I want to always and everywhere talk about "me."

Nowadays, all I see is "my satisfaction," "my needs,"myself." Why are we all focusing on "me" ("you") so much? Can't we take a break from ourselves? Can't we stop caring only about what satisfies and pleases us and look to help others? Can't we stop praising ourselves?

Just a thought. I'd like to see less of "me" and more of "you." Less of "I need to only talk about 'me'" and "I need to help others."

To everyone. Stop focusing on "me."