Lost Times in 2020

For a number of years, I was working part time in the picture framing industry and happily selling my handmade jewelry and art at local craft markets...right up until this COVID thing struck. Now due to obvious reasons, I am no longer working at the frame shop nor doing the craft markets which I miss a lot. In mid-March while the pandemic fears were at their peak and the grocery store shelves were mostly empty because of people working themselves into a panic buying frenzy, I've worked my last day at the frame shop before I would eventually become unemployed.

As time went by, uncertainty struck before we were able to apply for CERB (Canadian Emergency Response Benefit). Then once I've got my first CERB cheque, I've felt a huge rush of relief and gratitude for living in this country, even though a portion of the benefits will have to be paid back. How that's gonna happen is yet to be known to me at this time. Now that the CERB is coming to an end, I'm waiting to see about receiving my EI (Employment Insurance) while I try to find other work and figure out what the hell I'm gonna do with my life.

Through all my experiences in the workforce, one thing I have learned is if you accept any kind of job just to pay the bills, chances are, you will not be happy. I've made that mistake too many times and needless to say, it did not last as I've either ended up quitting or got fired. And now in my ripe old age of 45, not having a job interview in years, being in this situation feels scary to say the least. Having different acquired skills along with the different work experiences, people look at my resume and they either see me as being over qualified, under qualified or perhaps even just plain scatter brained depending on what I'm applying for.

Years following high school, I've earned a couple of diplomas. One was from taking a 3 year program in Fine Arts and the other was from a Digital Film and Video program. Through the years, I've dabbled with an array of different pipe dreams of working in some creative field with a fantastical vision of finally living my purpose, being happy and successful which I'm sure is the same dream that many of us artists share.

With so much time on my hands, one would think that I'd be busy, making lots of art, doing a lot of creative things and being super productive. The problem is, is with this much time on my hands, it's really easier said than done and maintaining any kind of self discipline and focus can be the biggest challenge especially when you're too easily distracted by any new idea that pops up and the occasional show on daytime TV. So far my steady routine has consisted of getting up, having coffee, writing in my journal, getting dressed, eating breakfast, cleaning the kitchen, scooping the cat boxes, sweeping the floor, then attempting to go with the flow with whatever to do next.

At the beginning of this whole thing, I thought I'd get back into some of my old creative hobbies which I've dabbled with in the past. Digital media such as electronic music making, video production, and digital pattern making for home decor, etc. are a few of them. I've even started creating a track about the pandemic and, well...let's just say nobody's gonna hear it 'cause I don't want them to. Besides, if I ever came across a song like that on Soundcloud or something, I'd probably cringe.

Then I thought I'd get into something more crafty like lamp making. One thing which I've got semi completed was a colorful beaded lamp shade to go over top of an ikea lamp which had it's original shade destroyed by a cat. Then, I tried making another lamp with a glass jar for a base which is done, except I still have to make the shade for it, something which I've been meaning to do 5 months ago.

Aside from that, I thought I'd also get back into painting abstracts but with a new cohesive style in the same way Marc Rothko had his signature style. (not to copy his style but similar in a way that is minimal and expressionistic). I've only got as far as completing 4 paintings. (so far, anyway)

On another note, I did complete something which was get the exterior of the house re-painted with my spouse and now it finally no longer looks like an eyesore in the neighborhood which is a plus. It's real nice to have that done at least.

Besides work and small businesses, relationships are another thing that's gotten significantly effected by the pandemic. I don't believe there's one relationship out there that hasn't gone through some epiphany or another whether it'd be to split up or strengthen the bond. Luckily, given the challenges we've been going though (like any couple), we're still hangin' in there, believe it or not.

All in all, still in the midst of an uncertain future, and even though I've become soft, lazy and semi feral, I still must carry on through and remain hopeful. Perhaps maybe this is all just a 6-7 month or however long chrysalis before I finally make the big transformation and spread my wings into the middle age stage of my life.

On another note, and pardon my shameless self promotion, I do have an Etsy shop where I sell handmade jewelry and some art. So if you're curious and want to take a browse, feel free to check it out. I have made a few sales on there so perhaps I should create more and get myself back on track with the craft markets, at least in the virtual sense. It's all a matter of finding the inspiration again which I know is still there deep down.

Lastly, I hope everyone is doing well, staying safe and healthy, and that we all come out of this thing stronger, bigger and better than ever before, that we all find our true purpose, and that there'll eventually be peace on this planet once and for all.