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Journal Entry #1

By Ashlyn HarperPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
Photo by Jordan Ladikos on Unsplash

Life is made up of decisions; some we make while others are made for us. What do you want to eat? Where do you want to live? House or apartment? Cereal or Eggs? Save your paycheck or spend it? Some decisions are extremely easy to make while others can take years to decide on. What do you want to do with your life? That’s the million dollar question.

When it comes to making decisions I make it harder than it probably should be. Once I’ve made a choice thn I’m home free, even if the choice is a hard one to complete. I just have to get to that step. Red or Blue. Red or Blue. I still haven’t been able to make that call from watching the movie years ago. The main question I’ve spent years and endless anxiety attacks thinking about is the big one; what do you want to do? Well, I want to do it all.

Last month I wanted to open up my own coffee shop. The month before that I wanted to travel the world and become a photographer. A year before that I wanted to be the next great novelist. Today I just want to make up my mind. In high school we are told we need to find what makes us happy, get a degree in that, and do that the rest of our lives. Honestly, I never accepted that as a suitable answer. How can I know what I want to do for the rest of my life? Sometimes I can’t even decide what I want to eat for dinner.

As of recent my question has changed to ‘why?’ Why do I need to pick one thing and stick with it? Just because that’s what society tells us to do? Or is it because that is what we call ‘practical.’ Well, I hate the word practical and I hate most things society has taught us. Why can’t I open up my own business, write the great novel on the side, and take photos of my various trips around the world? I feel like when I say this out loud to some people they think this is me asking too much or a ‘having your cake and eating it too’ type of lifestyle. Newsflash: usually when you buy a cake you do in fact eat it.

I know I’m not the only person who gets major anxiety about this. Sitting in a cubicle answering phone calls for eight hours a day is normally not what we pictured our dream job to look like. This is more the job we take because of fear; fear of failure as well as fear of what others will say. I would rather try to go out there and do what makes me happy and fail miserably then to sit at a cubicle always wondering what if?

This isn’t me badgering people who have made that decision. If you are happy, then do it! Sometimes what you do isn’t what makes us happy in life. Happiness is defined differently for everyone. If where you live or who you are with is the determining factor over what you do than there is nothing wrong with that.

For me, I’m done letting my small town roots and fear mongers push their anxiety on to me. I’m fine failing miserably. I’m not fine telling my kids one day that I didn’t go out and at least try. It’s not that I can’t make a decision; it’s the fact that I have made several decisions. That’s okay. I’m tired explaining myself to others on why I feel this way instead of putting all my hard work and effort into making these decisions come to life. No one ever became successful by sitting around talking about what they wanted to do. They just did it.


About the Creator

Ashlyn Harper

A chaotic room of stories. My curiosities lead me in all types of directions, creating a chaotic writing pathway. I want this place to be for experimenting, improving my craft, and sharing new ideas with anyone willing to read them.

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