In the depths of the night.

Dear Diary,

In the dead of the night I finally found or at least think I am at a level of understanding forgiveness.

The central issue involved in forgiveness is self esteem; self esteem is the right relationship of ourselves to ourselves, in the valuing of ourselves as worthwhile, complete whole human beings.

Forgiveness is at the heart of our humanity and it gives us space to breathe when the uncorrected , that is self critical and self sabotaging, mind tries to- in a cycle of self deception and at the same time forgiveness is at the heart of life itself.

Our history is so great, for thousands of years philosophers and theologians have wrestled with its implications for daily life.

Let’s begin by looking at what forgiveness is not, for often forgiveness is confused with permission, acceptance or capitulation.

As children we are often taught that to forgive someone, is to accept what they are doing. To make it ok with us somehow, even though it is not and to give in to their desires. With this definition of forgiveness, its no wonder we do so little real forgiving, either of ourselves or others. In point of fact forgiveness is neither giving up permission, the acceptance of another’s actions or capitulating, giving in to another desires.

Forgiveness is the refusal, the absolute unwillingness to hold ill will towards someone else or to ourselves for what they did or did not do.

Forgiveness is the giving up of resentment, of bitterness, of whining, moping, griping, of holding the position that someone shouldn’t have done what they did, or something that happened, that this letting go, of the making wrong of someone else for what they did or didn’t do, including most especially the release of ill will and making wrong of ourselves. This forgiveness is not so much for the sake of others but for ourselves.

You see, you are the primary beneficiary of your forgiveness, and when your forgiveness is extended to yourself, your benefits is twofold at least.

Without this giving up of blame, self esteem is impossible, as you can see this now, I’m sure by the thinking of the deception generator, the way we deceive ourselves all the time in our mind. Can you see now, that when you do not forgive yourself; yourself for falling short at some point in your life, you are a sitting duck for your mind’s accusations. That is you quite easily believe what the mind is accusing you of, the belief that it is true, and once you buy the mind’s accusations, you will never forgive yourself, you become stuck on this wheel of lies, and you are drawn into the attempt to your mind demands, in order to prove your own worth. In order to justify your existence.

For in this domain of deception, in the state of being in which you have in a certain way, to disprove accusations which were never true in the first place. In this state of being, you have no room for honour, love and respect for yourself, just as you are, without proving a thing.

There is only one act that i know of that can release you from that cycle of self deception and self justification; that is the act of forgiveness.

How with forgiveness are we released from having to prove our worth, from having to earn our self esteem, you may ask.? Simply observe your experience of forgiveness. What happens when you are forgiven? Isn’t there a rush of well being, of respect and honour; and great relief; gratitude of respect and honour, relief and gratitude!

You see with forgiveness there is a place for you to stay as you are, with nothing determined or demanded of you. No accusations to disprove. Nothing to earn. You can simply be you !

A person of great nobility and inestimable value.