I Want to Live Well

　I want to live well, for myself, for you, for you all.

　　I once read this passage in a book - "Everyone is an island and can decide his or her exile. The road to the heart is not open to the storm, the sorrow will be long. Until one day, bump into the sun ------"

　　So, I think I am an island, when I decided on my exile, all the way, encountered the storm, the path of the heart does not open, the sorrow is long, thought of you, thought of you, and bumped into the sunshine belongs to their own. From then on, there is faith; from then on, there is hope; from then on, there is persistence.

　 ------

　　I was born in an ordinary family, but live in a special family.

　　I originally had a successful family, but then it was a single-parent family that kept.

　　I was originally an ordinary person, all the way but always had an extraordinary experience.

　　I never resign myself to fate, but at times, I have to bow down because I am not able to resist, so every time I bow down, I secretly tell myself that I want to be stronger, stronger, live well, and live out myself.

　　Twenty-one years of life plainly, but also experienced the so-called hardships.

　　Twenty-one years of life is ordinary but also understand the so-called helplessness.

　　Twenty-one years of life is mediocre but also understand the so-called fate.

　　I am like a small and powerless and, in the ecological balance, there is no own field, struggling to pursue its territory, but all the way bumpy, all the way treacherous. There is no end to it, but also stubbornly refuses to resign itself to its fate and bow down.

　　Sometimes, you don't know what you're still holding on to, or what you're still going on.

　　When I first went to college, I was a little confused, a little scared, and even a little inferior. Why an inferiority complex? In front of relatives, I felt inferior because I didn't go to a good university; in front of my friends and classmates, I felt inferior because I couldn't go to an undergraduate college like them; in front of strangers, I felt inferior because I couldn't communicate with them. This is how I felt inferior for a year. Silently disguise yourself for a year.

　　At the age of twenty, just after my sophomore year, I wanted to start my college life fresh and choose my life state again. The bad luck came out of nowhere and gave me a new and cruel choice. I got sick again, was hospitalized again, and was put on the operating table again for "osteomyelitis surgery".

　　In my twenty years of life, most of my memories were in the hospital, seeing the world as a patient and tasting all the tastes of the world. In the end, I felt that it was best to live a peaceful and healthy life.

　　I was hospitalized numerous times and experienced two major surgeries. Therefore, I am very afraid of pain. I was afraid that after the surgery, the anesthesia was over and I couldn't shout out, nor could I scream out the pain. However, even if it hurts like that, I don't want to give up my life. Maybe my life is already facing a death struggle, but I will not give up.

　　In 1993, I was born into an ordinary family, originally a successful family because of the four words "son preference", I became a single-parent child, following a mentally handicapped father and elderly grandparents living, so, since childhood, I know the meaning behind "ridicule". I knew the meaning behind "ridicule" since I was a child.

　　I was a quiet girl, I hid all my thoughts in the bottom of my heart, and I was always able to laugh in the face of my classmates' ridicule, but who could know how much courage was behind the laugh? Therefore, I never cry easily, even if I am aggravated, I can face it calmly.

　　When I was nine years old, the first time I got sick, I was transferred to the hospital again and again before it was determined that my disease was "septic arthritis".

　　When I was fifteen, I got sick for the second time and was transferred twice to the county orthopedic hospital, where I underwent the first major surgery of my life - "osteomyelitis opening and drainage surgery".

　　When I was twenty years old, I got sick for the third time and was transferred twice, precisely because I had no acquaintances and no beds in the hospitals in big cities, and was politely "kicked out" by the hospitals. I still remember when a professor-level doctor said something to my mother: "Even if you kneel and beg me today, your daughter can not be admitted ----- -Then I was transferred to another hospital and underwent the second surgery of my life - "osteomyelitis opening and drainage surgery".

　　After being discharged from the second surgery, while still recuperating, I was once again admitted to the hospital for a week because of a sudden attack of "kidney stones".

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　　The first time I got sick, I was out of school for a year; the second time I got sick, I took a two-month leave of absence and was discharged from the hospital to attend classes with crutches; the third time I got sick, I was out of school for a year. During these three illnesses, I spent all the family's savings, friends, and relatives to help, I remember in my heart, that I understand that you can not rely on others, their strength to live their appearance. So, no matter what, I will not give up my studies, even if the so-called university is worthless in the eyes of many people. I also want to continue well.

　　Because of the year off, I took out a loan to come back to school and start living again, I gradually found myself without confusion, with no inferiority complex, I ran on a belief "I want to live well", everything I dare to face.

　　In the eyes of others, I have an incomplete family, a crippled life, and a tortuous experience. I even have an unhealthy body, I should have a reason to complain about life, and have an excuse to avoid life. However, I think, because of this, more should struggle, more should pursue, even if not reach the expected goal, will try, try, harder to challenge.

　　The friends around me say I am strong, I do not know what kind of strength they say has the weight, but when something comes out of nowhere, in the case of their unpreparedness, only struggle to find a way out, at any time, it seems that you can not listen to fate, as it happens.

　　Even if I am an island.

　　Now, I am a sophomore student, and even if the memories of the past are how much more difficult for me, I still actively face my life now, I understand that living in the past is meaningless, and living in the future is also meaningless, only live in the present is the most real.

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　　I may not be a very good student, but always a very practical, very serious student; I may not be a very good communication student, but always a very active student; I may not be a very outstanding student, but always a unique student.

　　Sometimes, accepting yourself in front of your shortcomings and praising yourself in front of your strengths is the only way to have motivation in life and to face life more positively.

　　Once, my grandmother told me to be a good person and to be sincere not only in front of myself, but also in front of others, so I remembered her words "be a good person".

　　Once, my grandfather told me to do things well, not only in my affairs, but also in the affairs of others, so I remembered my grandfather's "do things well".

　　Once, my mentally handicapped, great-father told me to live well, to live peacefully, to live healthily. Let me live a meaningful life and live myself. So, when I was studying, every time I was too tired to do part-time work, I remembered my father's "live a meaningful life", and when I was sick and hospitalized, every time I was in pain, I remembered my father's "live your life". Live your life to the fullest.

　　There are always many defects in this life, I am not living for the pursuit of perfection, I am living to make up for the defects and live better. For myself, for my father, and for the many, many people who care about me.

　　The first thing you need to do is to get rid of the problem.

　　I'm not living to resign myself to fate, I'm living to persevere, to believe, to dream, and to live better.

　　Even if I was once dying, now, the clouds have cleared, the storm has subsided, and everything is a new beginning, even if life is difficult and life is hopeless. For myself, for my father, for many, many people who care about me. For the sake of faith, for the sake of hope, for the sake of dreams. I want to live well.

　　I must live well!

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