I'm sorry I wanted to spend time with my family

You’re right, I should not have asked to be taken off the on-call roster to spend more time with my family. It really was just me being lazy.

You shouldn’t worry that I wasn't told it would be an expected part of my job when you hired me, or through the onboarding process, or any time, really, until your email came through. That’s on me for specifically not asking the question, “Hey, are you going to put me on a roster that severely restricts my activities one week in every four?” But also, when I was asked if I would like to go on the roster to help out some of the other managers on the other team, it was my fault for thinking that I was being asked to do a favor, and I didn’t realize that I was being directed to go on call.

I also need to accept responsibility for the fact that wanting to spend time with my family should NOT be my top priority. My focus should be on carrying an extra phone so I can answer at any time, day or night. If I sleep worse when I’m on call, that’s not your fault; that’s my problem. I should not have made it yours.

Even before I tried to remove myself from the roster, which I absolutely should not have done, as we’ve already mentioned, I should have talked about it with you. Sadly, you had those days off because your horse was sick, followed by more days away because your dog was injured. Fortunately, you are a lot more professional than I am, because you did send me an email telling me how wrong I was for trying to remove myself from the roster on a day I was sick. It made my return to work so much better, having your passive-aggressive email the first thing I could read. Thank you for caring about your staff's well-being.

But then I made things worse. I put all those years of schooling to work that taught me to read. Granted, my position description makes no mention of my being required to perform on-call duties; that is not the place to include such a minor statement. However, perusing my employment contract did highlight that I can indeed be directed to be on call. I guess I should have read the fine print, so again, I am sorry.

But wait. What are those extra sentences? If I am directed to be on call, you will provide me with a mobile phone, yes, you do, thank you. So once more, accept my apologies for being ungrateful for the electronic device you gave me that can go off at any time, day or night, like a little work-related hand grenade.

Just when I think I’ve read as much as I can to show you how terrible an employee I am, I read further, and to be honest, these words really hit… “And we will pay you an on-call allowance”.

Let me read that again.

“WE WILL PAY YOU AN ON-CALL ALLOWANCE”.

I don’t remember ever applying for payment of my on-call allowance. Maybe you paid me without me even having to ask. Because, as we have established, you are a very good and kind employer, and I am but your ungrateful, lazy servant.

Hmm, there’s no mention on my fortnightly payslip. Maybe it’s captured as my whole wage. I know, I’ll ask colleagues who don’t perform on-call duties. I have already bothered you too much on this issue. That’s odd, their pay is the same as mine.

I know, let me knock this right on the head. I will go to my colleagues who ARE also on call and find out when we get paid our on-call allowance. Why are they all looking at me with weird expressions? What do they mean that we don’t get paid an on-call allowance? It seems I’m in the company of other idiots who don’t understand their work. Why are they also saying that throughout their whole recruitment process, they were never told they would be on call?

Look, I need someone to find out what’s what. I will go talk with the good people in Human Resources. I’m really sorry that I did that, because now they are asking me, “Well, what does your contract say?” When I show them my contract, they respond with, “Well, it’s in your contract, you’re supposed to be getting paid an on-call allowance, just put through your claim”.

Again, I’m pretty bad at my job, so I went to ask the others who are on call. By this point, I think I have made matters worse still. It seems that two of them have been on call for years, never being paid an allowance. But they are also wondering why that is the case. I tried to settle them by reminding them that we are lucky to have these jobs. But I’m not as good a communicator as you are, and it seems I just made them angrier.

Now that brings us to today. I’ve already expressed my sorrow, but if there were a way I could show you how sorry I am with some grand gesture, I would. Maybe I could offer to take you out for drinks. I can drink tonight, because I’m not on call tonight, or any more nights, it would seem. I don’t know if you will have time after your meeting with the CEO, though. Shame really, because I just got a nice little extra pay, but we won’t talk about that right now.

Someone from accounting told me how much had to be paid out in unpaid allowances, that’s a LOT of money. I really hope that it doesn’t affect your bonus this year, that would make me feel even worse than I do right now.

So, once again, I am very sorry about wanting to spend time with my family. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

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Sadly, this isn't a fictional story. All I wanted was to not be on call 24/7 one week in every four. When I found my contract clause, however, I found myself in a much more enviable position.

Please like, comment, or if you're exceptionally generous, send a tip. I am on the lookout for a new job now.

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