Journal logo

i'm joining an adult tap class?

dancing through childhood trauma...

By JessiPublished 4 months ago 3 min read
i'm joining an adult tap class?
Photo by Ahmad Odeh on Unsplash

Today, at the coffee shop I barista for, a woman asked to put up some new posters promoting the open classes for this fall. Dance classes. I was very happy to display them, as my sisters and I grew up dancing in a small community like the one I recently moved to. I glanced over the list while taping the papers to our windows and something weird happened. I think I randomly decided to join an adult tap class...

I saw the info: Thursdays at 7.

Something clicked in my brain. I thought Okay, I can try to make it.

I never try to make anything! Seriously. I'm meeting some of my wife's coworkers this weekend to play some games and have a little lunch and I want to back out so bad.

I can't tell if this is just my spontaneous ADHD brain doing a thing or if I'm actually wanting this. This happens a lot with neurodivergent people. We pick up tons of hobbies. Go on random trips. Get bangs. Tattoos. Sometimes I get random urges to do things I would normally be afraid to do like wear a bold outfit or sing karaoke -- and apparently dance with strangers.

I have some very odd trauma surrounded by dancing. It's a long, sad story, but I love to watch people dance or perform artistically in any way, shape, or form and I really would love to be able to enjoy dance again. Part of the reason behind this endeavor is that I just moved to a new state and I do want to meet people outside of my job, eventually. I told myself I would join a group. I was thinking maybe a book club, but this could work, too.

The only time I have ever done something like this alone is when I've done background acting. For some reason, that is something I'm okay with doing alone. Maybe because I pretend to be someone else? Should I pull a Monica Geller and tap dance under a false name? Of course not. She does tap with such confidence.

I do want to socialize, it's just difficult to get started. I've always struggled with making friends. I have had the same group of friends for over a decade and I don't even remember how our friendship began. In my adult life, I don't know that I've ever organically made friends with anyone outside of being classmates or roommates but even then friend circles felt forced almost.

We will see how it goes... I am both excited and terrified at the same time.

Today I hyper-fixated on dance clothes for a while just to keep the interest alive. I watched some Youtube videos teaching basic moves (are they called moves?) and steps, and I think I can do it. I can at least try even if I majorly embarrass myself. To be honest, a part of me is expecting that I chicken out the day of. I do that a lot-- especially if socializing alone. I did invite some of my coworkers from the coffeehouse and I do hope at least one of them is interested. I tried to persuade my wife but she is more of a surfer/skateboarding type. It was a hard pass from her. In the meantime, I'll keep looking at cute shoes.

By Mark Rabe on Unsplash

As for the 'making friends' thing, I did initiate a conversation with someone I've been told is my friend, so maybe I'm making progress? It's so hard for me to tell if someone is becoming more than an acquaintance or a customer (Most of my for-sure friends are actually past customers).

Next week, my goal is to actually sign up for the class, buy some shoes, and attempt to have a conversation with my potential new friend/customer.

Wish me luck! I will try to keep you posted.


About the Creator


Writer on the Oregon coast. Lover of nature, poetry, and coffee!

Feel free to browse, skim + comment away.

I love to write about my travels, lovers + neuro-divergence. Thanks for your support!

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights


There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2023 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.