I Love My Job Because It Changes The World One Person At A Time!

“I AM” is a powerful influence on what I call drivers and swayers. It is said that what you put after “I am” shapes your reality. If you put negative words after I AM then you will connect to the negative emotions and act negatively. But if you put positive words after I AM then you will connect to the positive emotions and act positively. I try my hardest to help as many people as possible in the world because I feel that is my reason for being here. There are many things that I do for others and I might not have much, but what I do have I will give if someone is in need. Living this way has developed many hobbies for me, like creating bracelets, crafts, and homeless bags for others to try and cheer up their day. But I must say the most rewarding so far is volunteering my services to parents, foster parents, foster children, and foster agencies. The past few years I have been developing training for foster families including everything from behavioral contracts to chore contracts. I covered stranger danger, good touch bad touch, and also things such as emotions, responsibilities, etc.

These trainings have been so enjoyable to me and I make them for the parents and the children with having contracts for the different age groups, from 3 years old to 18 years old. This includes a life skills program for young adults that are going to age out of foster care that teaches them budgeting, resume writing, fire safety, auto safety, how to change a tire, first aid, how to turn off your water for a leak, and so many more. Each one had instructions, worksheets, and answer keys. I mean you name it I have a skill program for it. I love my job because of how well the programs are working for the foster families and how they have made transitioning easier for them. I love volunteering my time developing these training, lessons, and skills. So the impact that I am trying to make in the world is helping others who had a bad start in life. Helping them to enter into families and the world with coping skills that will help their life to be less stressful and more positive. Building them up to take their power back from bad situations and bad environments, and taking control of build the positive life that they choose. I give them the tools to be in control of themselves and their future. Helping them to realize they can do anything they want to and building strength to do so. They will enter the world at 18 with direction, confidence, coping skills, and high self-esteem. These pieces of training also help parents and foster parents be able to handle the emotional roller coaster that children are on and teach them how to handle any situation, big or small and make it less stressful for them and the children. They can do their trainings which show them how to implement them into the lives of everyone in the household. Giving these families a way to cope and positively go through life is why I do this. Helping people through their worse times and show them they can create good times in their life makes my soul smile. So for you to grasp the concept of my passion in life, here are a couple of snip-its hitting a few key points in some of the training for you to read. Keep in mind these are not the whole trainings.

COPING WITH SITUATIONS

This training is designed to assist you in developing skills to help you cope with any situation that arises with your foster child/teen. These foster children/teens that you welcome into your home will have very different situations and experiences before entering your home. This can make you feel scared and uneasy as a foster parent and sometimes overwhelmed. But with this training and our support, you will build confidence within yourself and be able to manage anything that happens over time that the foster child/teen is in your care. If you practice these skills then you will also be able to teach them to your foster child/teen and in return, it will help them to have a more productive life.

Vocabulary & Definitions

Self- A person's essential being that distinguishes them from others

Self Aware- The capacity for introspection and the ability to recognize oneself as an individual separate from the environment and other individuals. The ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions, strengths, weaknesses, needs, and drivers.

Self-regulation- The ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods; To stop and think before acting.

Perception- A way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; A mental impression, the way one interprets what they are seeing.

Drivers- A factor that causes a particular phenomenon to happen or develop, helping to push through a behavior, motivation within oneself. Activities that give you a positive reaction and will help you to continue to fight through struggles without giving up. This could be sports, music, movies, spending time with someone, etc… If you are having a negative situation you would use one of your drivers to help you turn it into a more positive reaction to push through it.

Swayers- When you convince or allow yourself to lean towards the negative actions, reactions, or behaviors, which will not allow yourself to move through the emotions to deal properly. When you allow yourself to join in the negative actions and reactions instead of taking control of yourself and choose to try to have a positive action or reaction. Swayers can be other people or situations.

Control-The power to influence or direct peoples behavior (including your own) or the course of events

Experience- An event or occurrence that leaves an impression on someone, to encounter or undergo, feel.

Emotion-A natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others. Feelings, reactions, or responses.

S.T.A.R. Technique developed by Buffie Peterson

Stop-stop yourself with what is happening

Think-think for a minute on how to react in a positive manner

Act-act out that positive manner accordingly

Realize-realize that you handled it in a good way (good job in that situation; you are a STAR)

Action-Process of doing something, a thing done; an act, behavior, or conduct

Reaction-An action performed or a feeling experienced IN RESPONSE TO a situation or event; a response physically and mentally to action; result, effect, or consequences of an action

Environment-The surroundings or conditions in which a person, animal, or plant lives; setting or conditions in which a particular activity is being carried on.

Drivers & Swayers

Drivers-A factor that causes a particular phenomenon to happen or develop helping to push through a behavior, motivation within oneself.

Drivers are different for each individual, they could be sports, music, crafts, shopping, or any activity that gives you a positive reaction within yourself and helps you to continue to fight through a struggle without mentally giving up. It is important to know the correct opposite emotion to what you are feeling to use the correct needed driver to achieve that said positive emotion. You could have different drivers for different emotions. Maybe music to cheer you up when you are sad, or boxing to counteract frustration or anger. It is different for each person, a driver that cheers you up might not cheer up someone else.

Example:

If you are feeling angry you wouldn’t want to choose a driver that allows you to have feelings of knowing you are not doing wrong, which is satisfaction. You would choose a driver that would help you to relax, which is calm. Calm would be the opposite emotion of angry that you would want to try and achieve. Imagine how frustrating it would be if you were using your satisfaction driver and it was not helping you with your anger. You would not be able to move past the anger causing more negative emotions and making everything worse. This is hard for adults to realize so imagine how hard it is for a child/teen that is coming from the situation that is happening to them. You will have to help them to find some of their drivers and we are here to help you achieve that.

Remember in any situation you can use the S.T.A.R Technique. For drivers, you would, Stop what you are doing, Think of the opposite emotion that you wish to achieve, Act out that driver that will help you achieve it, and Realize that you handled it well. Tell yourself “ I am proud of myself. I am a S.T.A.R.” You will do the same with the child/teen on a smaller scale which we will discuss later in the training.

Swayers- When you convince or allow yourself to lean towards the negative actions, reactions, or behaviors Swayers are like temptations.

Example:

Let us say you (as a child) want to go to a party that you are not allowed. Your friends tell you that you should sneak out because they do it all the time and not get caught. Well, your Swayers is that you want to go and you convince yourself that it is okay, you do not sneak out all the time and you will not get caught. You know what the right thing to do is but you choose to do the wrong thing and go to the party. You just allowed your Swayers of wanting to go win over doing the right thing which would be staying home because you were not allowed to go.

There are many swayers in life, friends, coworkers, desire to because you want to, etc….and it takes practice to gain control over them. But the more you practice the easier it will become not to be swayed away from doing the right thing or doing what is more positive. Once again if you would have used the S.T.A.R. Technique with the swayers you would Stop what you are doing, Think of what the positive decision to do is, Act out that decision, and Realize that you handled that situation very well. You tell yourself “ I am proud of my decision. I am a S.T.A.R.” The better understanding that you have of drivers and swayers, the better you can help the child/teen understand them, use the drivers, control the swayers and use the S.T.A.R. Technique

Read the following reverse poem from top to bottom pausing at the – ‘s.

I AM by Angelsoulbp

I am a weak person +

And I refuse to believe that

I can become a stronger person —

I realize this may be a shock but

I can do anything +

Is a lie — +

I have no control —

In my home, I will tell each child that

I have my perceptions correct because

Swayers +

Are more important than

Drivers —

I tell you this —

Back in the day +

People were self-aware

But this is not true in my eyes — +

People have no control +

Experts tell me

Change is impossible— +

I do not conclude that

I am already changed — +

In the future

I am someone overwhelmed— +

No longer can it be said that

I am not fearful — +

It will be obvious that

This situation stinks — +

It is foolish to presume that

I am stronger through struggles by using S.T.A.R. +

It seems to be a very negative outlook about a situation. You can feel the frustration and hopelessness of the individual. It feels like they have given into their negative swayers and have stopped trying. Now read the poem from bottom to top pausing at all the + ‘s. It is the same situation but the perception is viewed differently. The individual is driving themself towards a more positive view. Not every situation needs to be resolved immediately, but taking control of it and changing the tone to a positive one, will allow the child/teen (and you) to start to calm down and maybe head towards a resolution of the situation. This poem is a great example that instead of being swayed toward the negative, you can Stop, Think, Act and Realize that you can change your perception, use your drivers and self-awareness to self-regulate to take control and reverse the negatives into positives. This will give you newfound strength to gain control of any situation that comes your way and in return, you will be able to teach the child/teen to do the same. Remember that through this training and with our support you will be able to handle any situation that occurs. Trying to turn a negative situation into a more positive one does not take away from the seriousness of that situation, and it does not take away how the child/teen is feeling at that time. It is meant to make it easier to approach what is going on and work through it more healthily. It takes time, patience, repetition, and even mistakes so do not be hard on yourself

Perception

Perception is the way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; A mental impression, the way one interprets what they are seeing; the state of being or process of becoming aware of something through the senses.

The way that you interpret a situation is influenced by our available knowledge, our experiences, and our thoughts. When you see a situation happening and you interpret the energy of that situation, it evokes a specific reaction (emotion) from you, that is perception. Two people can see the same thing but have two completely different perceptions of what they are seeing. Every situation has many different interpretations, it depends on what emotion you attach to it.

Example:

Let’s say that your last foster child/teen would start an argument at dinner with you and would go into their room slamming the door every time they planned on running away. You would catch on to that pattern and attach certain emotions to that event every time it would happen. Maybe anger, fear, or frustration and would have a heightened sense of alertness to prevent them from running away. Now your present foster child/teen has been on fairly good behavior since they arrived in your home but one night they had an argument with you and ran to their room slamming the door. Your perception of what is happening would be that the child/teen is going to run away, but when you rush into their room you find the child/teen laying on the bed listening to music. If that situation happens again your perception has now changed. Same event but two different children/teens which you will have to conclude that no two people are the same, and you should start completely fresh with each child/teen. The energy that you put into a situation is what that child/teen will feed off of and attach that energy to the situation. They will pick up on your reactions (fear, anger, frustration) that are attached to old experiences which will lead them to feel judged and punished by previous foster children/teens' actions. Trust will not be able to be built between you causing no resolution to their disruptive behavior.

It is important to understand that there is a side to ourselves that we are unaware of and that is characteristics not apparent to us but is apparent to the ones around us. It is their perception of us. Part of this training is having you learn about those characteristics for you to fully understand yourself and learn to take control of your actions and reactions. If you do not recognize the perception that you are showing to others then you be unable to control the emotions that you give to a situation and what the foster child/teen will see. If you do not know that you are putting out negative vibes then how can you change them to a more positive vibe?

Example:

Let’s say the foster child/teen is talking about their parents and without realizing it you roll your eyes or let out a long exhale, well that could strike a negative reaction within the child/teen that could come out later in disruptive behavior. Their perception of you with that subject would be uneasy and they will not be able to trust you to help them with that topic. The child/teen could become withdrawn, not giving them the freedom to be their complete SELF because they would be hiding a part of their true SELF. The child/teen wants to feel safe enough to discuss any part of their life that they want, or need to, without judgment. Learning about perceptions will also help you to pick up on the characteristics of the child/teen so you can know what true emotions they are feeling allowing you to better help them achieve the opposite positive emotion. If you are self-aware then you can self-regulate showing the child/teen how to do the same. Most of the time the child/teen does not know what they are feeling.

SELF

Self- A person's essential being that distinguishes them from others

Everyone is different from each other, it is important to understand that individuality is allowed. Every person should feel safe to be themselves and to be confident in their likes and dislikes. This means in every aspect of the child’s/teens life it is okay to have different likes in music, clothing styles, hobbies, boys playing with dolls or girls working on engines, it is their choice as long as it is healthy and positive. Everyone should have a safe, nonjudgmental place (your home) to explore what their SELF is.

Self-awareness

If you teach individuality and the child/teen feels free to be open with their likes and dislikes, they will start to recognize that they are separate from the environment that they just came from. It does not define who they have to be. They will feel comfortable with themselves and realize they are separate not only from their environment but also other individuals around them, and that is okay. It will help them develop self-regulation which is important in resisting peer pressure.

Self-regulation

The child/teen will learn to be able to know who their SELF is and learn to play to their positives instead of giving into the negatives in life, giving them control of their SELF. They will not have a problem being themself and say “NO I’m not doing that” or walk away from a negative situation. The child/teen will stop, think before acting, and redirect the impulse of giving into their peers, taking control of their life. Be aware of the power of words and thoughts have on your mood and behavior. If you feel like you can never be yourself, it will have a huge impact on your behavior, on how you choose to act and react to situations, because other people's negative words (opinions) can give you negative thoughts about being your true SELF. This in return will change your mood, and your perception of yourself, to a negative one and could come out through disruptive behavior or the most critical emotions such as depression and self-hate. It is always important for you, the foster parents, to show the child/teen your positive SELF, your strong self-awareness, and that you can have positive and healthy self-regulation.

If you are reacting negatively to a situation but expect the child/teen to behave positively, they would not take what you are saying seriously and will continue the disruptive behavior. When the child/teen feels that you are expecting more from them than what you are willing to give, it will void any progress you are trying to achieve. This will make you frustrated, the child/teen will continue their negative behavior and there will not be resolve or any growth. But if you lead by example by showing patience, positivity, and self-regulation in each situation, it will allow the child/teen to develop the same skills and apply them in their life. It is also important to take responsibility for any mistakes that you might make with the child/teen, like losing your temper and apologize. Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect, and taking responsibility for your actions, or reactions, will show the child/teen that it is okay to make mistakes but you have to take responsibility for them and try to do better. The child/teen will know what to expect from you, knowing that they can trust you to guide and help them when needed.

Practice with the child saying I am beautiful! I am smart! I am brave! I am loved! I CAN do anything! This will be easier to do with the younger kids so try to do it with them as a routine. Maybe before bed when you tuck them in get them to say each one and then tell them “I love you, goodnight!”

Do this every night, leaving them feeling positive, wanted, loved, and safe. Now for teens, it will be situational. When they need to hear it, feel it and believe it. For example is if a teen says they are ugly, you can point out ways how they are beautiful. After discussing it, and they start feeling a little better, you would then smile with them and get them to say I AM BEAUTIFUL! Don’t forget that I AM are two of the most powerful words; for what you put after them shapes your reality.

Remember you can take control of any negative situation, change the tone by using S.T.A.R., and redirect it to a more positive tone.

Normalcy

Normalcy-Condition of being normal, state of being usual, typical, or expected. Ability to easily participate in age-appropriate social, scholastic and enrichment activities that promote the well-being of the foster child/youth.

We are now going to discuss some guidelines for you to consider when trying to implement normalcy in the child’s/youths care, and some protective factors to build and promote with the child/youth. We will also discuss how the action (cause), reaction (effect), and environment play important roles in the child’s/youths emotional and behavioral growth throughout their care in your home.

Today we are going to learn about normalcy, how to implement it successively into your everyday life and why it is so important as a substitute caregiver. When a child/youth becomes a foster child/youth a lot of the time the main focus will be on the details of why they came into the services and what services will be placed around them to help work through the trauma. The child/youth could end up feeling like they are not a normal kid because so much time is spent on the situation, hindering the child’s/youths positive growth. It could cause the child/youth to have many different emotional and behavioral difficulties throughout their life and even into adulthood. This is why normalcy is so important in the child’s/youths foster care and to develop a plan for their day-to-day activities. It is also important to include the child/youth in developing these plans allowing them to feel like they have some control over their future.

Now the older they are the more input they can have with their normalcy plan. For example is a youth of 14 years of age should be involved in the plan's development along with their caregivers, staffing, court hearings, and providers. They would have this greater role in working with everyone and have some control in planning for their future. Everyone must be using the same normalcy plan and work together to ensure the youth has a successful start into adulthood. You must build a strong foundation within your family, friends, and community networks to help support the growth opportunities for the child’s/youths developmental, emotional, behavioral, and physical care. The foster child/youth have different living situations that have happened to them and are now in these services due to being placed there without a choice. They will need a strong sense of normalcy.

Environment

Environment plays an important role in normalcy. You first must understand that environment is a noun. It is the place that you go to, live in, and what surrounds you. IT IS NOT A VERB, IT IS NOT AN ACTION. The actions that happen in any environment you enter comes from you and other people, not the environment. You and the child/youth are the verbs, the actions inside the environment. Unexpected situations will occur within your environment with the child/youth, but you control the reaction that you give the situation. You are responsible for the reaction that you show or do in the environment. You have the power to control your reactive behavior positively and not allow the child’s/youths actions to control the tone of the environment. It might take a disruptive child/youth, in the beginning, to adjust to family-like normalcy. This is expected, but do not give up on controlling your reactions and the environment, even when you are frustrated. The child/youth needs normalcy to have healthy developmental and emotional growth, and they will behave better as they adapt to it.

Practice stopping yourself in these situations and think about how it is in your control, what you should do next, and how you can make your reaction to the situation turn into a more positive reaction. Now don’t forget that your actions can also provoke a negative or positive reaction in the child/youth, it works both ways. Everything that someone says or does will have a positive or negative reaction, even if the child/youth is alone an action they do will strike a reaction within themself. You can not have one without the other and it is all a chain of events that has taken place. Remember they too are learning to develop their coping skills. When the child/youth acts out negatively there will be a reaction to that behavior. Most people's reactions would also have a negative vibe to it because that was the action given. But if you put a positive vibe into the reaction, maybe speak easily instead of harshly, you can step in taking control of the next chain of events within the environment.

The chain of events plays a huge role in life, and we do not see how they played out for the child/youth before they joined your home, but we do know it leads them to need services. You do see how the chain of events plays out in your home after they become your foster child/youth. So it is important to keep in mind that negativity creates negativity and positivity creates positivity. It is your responsibility to try and make a positive impact on the child/youth and everyone in the household. The actions of you will impact the whole family and their actions will have an impact on you, work together to create positive actions and reactions through the skills that you are learning with Prudent Parenting and Normalcy.

Teach the child/youth that they are responsible for what they do and say, and they play a large role in the outcome of their behavior. Show them that they can overcome any situation with your help and that they do not need to have negative behaviors. People are the actions within an environment, so controlling your actions and reactions will lead the child/youth to learn how to do the same. Please note that you should not allow yourself to let frustrations with the situation build-up, it is not healthy for you, the child/youth, or the family. It could have a big negative impact on all of you.

This is important for you to remember.......The environment is a noun you are the verb .

EMOTIONS & THEIR OPPOSITE EMOTION

If you keep saying to yourself I AM angry, then you will not be able to move past that emotion. Instead, you should Stop, Think about why you are angry, and think what the opposite emotion would be (which is calm) and what is a driver for you to work towards that positive emotion, Act out that positive driver to bring you to a calmer state of mind and Realize that you did a good job taking control of how you were feeling. Many situations happen with being a foster parent, but with the right tools and our support, you will be able to deal with them healthily. You will be confident in your skills and take control of any situation releasing your stress, frustrations, and fear of what might come. You have the control to shape your reality and will help the child/teen through theirs

1 Fear-feeling afraid, worried

Confident-feeling brave, strong

2 Angry-feeling mad, frustrated

Calm-feeling relaxed

3 Depressed-feeling sad, troubled

Happy-feeling carefree, untroubled

4 Sorrow-feeling distressed over a deep loss of someone or something

Joy-feeling of no distress, feeling of great pleasure and happiness

5 Worthless-feeling of having no use in life

Valued-feeling of having self-worth

6 Overwhelmed-to much at once, feeling of never having rest

Peace-feeling of restfulness, harmony

7 Trapped-feeling of being cornered, having no way out, pressured, restrained

Free-feeling of no restraints, feeling of nothing holding you back

8 Judged-feeling defensive, feeling like others opinions are being passed on you

Accepted-feeling that no opinions are being passed onto you, likes you for you

9 Guilt-feeling of having done something wrong, having regret, upset with yourself

Satisfaction-feeling of knowing you are not doing something wrong, pleased with yourself

10 Abandoned-feeling rejected, alone, left behind

Welcomed-feeling wanted

11 Stupid-feeling not smart enough in life or school, feeling you do not know things

Intelligent-feeling that you are smart, you know things

12 Frustrated-feeling upset or annoyed especially because of an inability to change or gain control over something

Pleased-feeling content over something

My passion in life brings me a true feeling of fulfillment. Continuing my work I can help an unknown maximum amount of people and hopefully improving the quality of their lives. In a perfect world, this is my dream.