I feel like you’re being sabotaged

“Fulfillment isn’t found over the rainbow—it’s found in the here and now. Today I define success by the fluidity with which I transcend emotional land mines and choose joy and gratitude instead.”

RuPaul

So, I have nothing, but form filled rejection emails. I had read once, that there was some author who in the days of the US postal service snail mail, hung all his or her rejection letters on a wall. I guess I am not that much of a masochist, although I do admit to posting them on Facebook. Maybe that makes me a small "m" masochist. At any rate, I think that is a roundabout way of acknowledging that what I write has no market .

Or

My editing skills are so bad no one will deal with me. I might even venture to say that both could be true. So, why do I keep doing it? Why do I post to my TWO readers on Tapas and keep sending out short stories? Because eventually you do land on something, it just may not be the something you expect.

I have a friend who is half my age and we met at a renaissance fair in upstate New York. Taryn was unhappily married and yet talented in music, business, and several forms of divination. In a world of people who talk a lot crap and no follow through she was rare. My new friend had that thing that you know is real, self-motivation and chutzpah. In the year she went home, ended a toxic relationship, formed a new relationship, and all around reinvented herself. Taryn Facebooked me and said, “Want to make a tarot card deck for people like us?”

“What is unique to us?” I asked this since having worked in metaphysical shops and renaissance fair psychic booths I know there are literally millions of decks out there. I could not imagine what about us that would be different from a marketing standpoint. Then she said what I thought was just to crazy to succeed.

“We are going to do The Tarot of the Broke B*tch. The tarot that says to heck with your spiritual gatekeepers we will simplify and make this accessible to the common folks. I want your art.”

I will admit I considered it a lark and did the initial art to make the promotional and figured it would be a rejection like so many things.

Only it isn’t failing. We have backers. Boy do we have enthusiastic, hand me my cards backers. I am sitting here wondering in the old text speak “WTF”.

I am cautiously optimistic and think that the lesson in this is maybe what I needed was to connect to someone who knows and understands what it’s like to be up against it and needs some support and belief in you. My art is not something I have even thought of as good. I have had no formal education and to be honest I never saw as a sell-able point. Now people comment they love it’s simplistic style and my inner saboteur (a phase stolen from RuPaul Charles my patron saint of daring to try stuff) says it’s people who just don’t know I can’t draw. Then again RuPaul also says " The money don’t lie".

So, what is my takeaway in this? My takeaway is the work has just begun, my partner in business believes in me so I better believe in me too. My writing? It has not hit who it is meant for. I might not be as bad at it as much as I am just not dropping my hook in the right pond. Will I find that pond? Who knows, but I do know this , nothing ventured and nothing gained so I am going to keep trying. No, that's wrong. I am going to keep succeeding.