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Help. I'm Tired

Day 1 of journaling my exhaustion

By Brin J.Published about a year ago 3 min read
abbie-bernet *Unsplash*

I don't know how people do it, how they manage to have energy all the time. They must be faking it.

I'm tired of socializing, being friendly and outgoing. All I want to do is isolate. But I'm also tired of the quiet that comes with being lonely. It's exhausting not having some middle ground or knowing where to find it. By the end of each day, I feel worn out, run-down, and wrung dry. There's no ending in sight to this incessant fatigue.

When I lie in bed, I don't ponder over fictional worlds as I used to. Even my imagination is depleted. Is this weariness normal for someone of my age? I thought 30 was still youthful. Should I expect to feel this sapped of energy for the rest of my life?

Before anyone comes at me, yes, I exercise. Yes, I eat healthily. Yes, my hormones are balanced. And I sleep, but I do have some trouble staying asleep. That's nothing new though. I've struggled with my "light sleeping" problems since I was a teen. Side note: If anyone has a non-drug solution for that, I'm open to it.

I've also tried meditation. Sometimes I take baths with calming oils. Maybe it's stress? Unfortunately, I doubt that's ever going to change. I don't just stress about my own problems. I stress about family, friends, strangers, animals, and fictional characters. I just care too much about everything. The only thing that seems to settle my scattered mind is writing. Go figure. Though it's not jotting down passing thoughts. I mean, I go full fiction. Usually horror. (Don't psycho-analyze me, I've got issues and I know it).

I could go into the list of troubles that I have that might be somewhat relevant. But doesn't everyone have problems? Also, I'd rather not air everything. I need to keep some mystery. Besides, that's not why you're here. You're here because you're tired, too. See? I knew people were faking it.

I'm expecting to get Zodiac fanatics telling me Mercury's in retrograde or something and it's messing with my circadian rhythms. No hate, by the way. My sister's into that shit, and I wholeheartedly believe every Aquarius stereotype applies to me.

It has been raining a lot in California lately. As much as I love the rain, I can't stand the cold. However, running the heater with the windows closed makes my room stuffy. So I've been suffering a little more these past few nights. Surprisingly, I'm not tired of the rain. In fact, I wish it'd rain more.

If this problem persists, will my libido be in jeopardy? I'm already worried my age is impacting my sex drive. Now I have to worry about drowsiness affecting it, too? And if you're wondering if the mood swings started yet, the answer is yes. Though it's mostly just alternating between crying and laughing... I wonder what my poor cats think of me?

I would go out more. The problem with that is (as I previously stated) I'm tired of socializing. I'm a homebody. An introvert. A hermit- as my roommate likes to call me. And I don't make plans with people because I hate flaking or canceling on them. I'll fall off the face of Earth before I ever inconvenience another human being like that.

I'm also tired of TV and movies. Where's all the originality? I feel like I've seen it all before. I can't focus on the damn screen because of it. A book is far more entertaining, but I'm too drained to read!

There's no winning. I'm burnt out. End of story. Send help...

& Thank you for reading my rant.


About the Creator

Brin J.

I never believed the sky is the limit, therefore my passions are expansive. My interest in writing stemmed from poetry but my heart lead me to Sci-Fi Fantasy. Consequently, my stories are plot-driven with splashes of evocative elements.

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  • Heather Hublerabout a year ago

    I'm tired too and don't have the energy to fake it. Of course I'm a lot older than you and dealing with bullshit woman changes. But I'm also a homebody if I can help it. People are just tiring to deal with anymore. I wish I had a solution for you other than just sharing it and commiserating :) PS You wrote this so well and I loved your humor!!

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