Heart or Peace

Pain comes and goes but torture feels forever. You ride a wave but the tides never show. You become overwhelmed by what’s going on, and you can even realize how it became all wrong. Step after step you try to move forward, push yourself to do things, only to fall downward.

A constant light that shines your way, has also been the light that burned your face. It feels like it’s all that’s left from the flames and the ash, you try to make it reasonable but all their love made it feel like it wasn’t going to last. Family is forever until they don’t see you, a shadow of what, they thought they molded so I can be like them too. Unknown to the world struggling to find peace.

Realities

Adult broke and afraid seems like most of the world agrees with this too. Don’t show your face or give them all too much, having to unsubscribe from life because it will be too much. Burnout from pressure and expectations, trying to find your way when fears come alive. All this mental torture and you start dying inside.

It’s only a matter of time until your body catches up while you start bleeding from your teeth or eyes. Codependent guidance, lash out for attention, get too close to life, and risk breaking from retention. Get too close, let down your guard, share some personal info and watch yourself fall.

Reality strikes when it all fits, The pain, the pleasure, and the moment when your world shifts. Destruction to the mind as all the doors reveals themselves, left in the cold you feel a slight remembrance. Something you felt, way back when, a parent and a child when you were young, something like that when you think has been undone.

Give and Take

It can be difficult when you hold so much weight into words. You trust in the words people say and hold them to their merit, you till they withhold those choices onto another. Plan to go out somewhere, then go there with someone else. These surrounding walls hold me hostage and remind me of pain. Trying to make me think I’m not enough. That silence is a result of rejection that my mind tries to fight off.

The game that I love has made your love stronger. Brings you insight and falls for each other softer. You sneaky little devil you. You act so lost yet you know what you’re doing.

Play me like a pawn for your selfish schemes and waste my time with useless banter just to get what you want. I hope it’s worth the pain and damage you brought ahead. Encourage me to live life on my own while you orchestrate the factors that surround me.

Trust yourself and push out the lies but you come in with your voice and demeanor to gaslight the world that calls you in. Hold yourself back and don’t go all the way, don’t care for anyone, except yourself and the highway. Flaunt your independence so fly and cheap, damn others to whatever, to maintain your peace.

The Remains

You know who you are when you read these remaining statements. I loved you. I’ve wanted you, but when I found out you had already moved on. I was here grieving and going through the motions, struggling to learn from this experience and questioning taking you back.

Hearing that you moved on gave me the release that was warranted. You were so passionate and in love with me that hearing you with someone else made me push my current feelings aside.

To learn that what happened, in the end, was a sign that we were meant to be together, but not forever. As I continue on this life looking for someone to be my forever, everyone else will want a piece of what they can never have.

To find someone that can love unconditionally while making me grow. Someone who can love even when mad, someone who doesn’t push me on the edge of nonexistent just to forget it and move on. You may have forced me to hurt but I have to teach myself now, to heal.