“Glass Heart”

I just recently started a new chapter in my life. I’m excited and terrified at the same time but I can’t keep living my life trapped inside of this box.

For as long as I can remember I’ve always loved to write and draw. These creative hobbies offered me an escape from my otherwise dark childhood. It was tough back then, but once I grew up and got away from all the toxicity I wasn’t really sure where I was going anymore.

Back then, I was driven by anger, pain, and by a desire to prove myself to all the naysayers. However, when I got away from all of that and realized I didn’t have to prove myself to anyone, I walked away from my creative imagination for a time.

Throughout the last decade of my life I’ve tried to forget my past. For some reason, it seemed like blocking out those memories also sapped me of my ability to create. Was it because I used my creativity as an escape? Or was it because the gift that darkness gave me reminded me too much of all the pain?

I can’t say. What I can say it that I heard a song recently that brought me back to that part of myself I lost as I aged. I won’t mention that song here because I don’t know if I can but I would give anything to tell that artist “Thank you” from the bottom of my glass heart.

I was lost for a very long time, and while I’m still relatively new to marketing my artwork, I hope that I will finally step onto the path that was meant for me. A clear path into sunrise, the start of my new life.

My signature style, as the image above shows, is meant to look like broken pieces of glass that were thrown together to create something beautiful. In a way these pieces and this style represent who I am as a person. I like to think my past doesn’t define me, that I turned all the broken pieces of myself into someone “beautiful” so to speak.

In my childhood, my art style was inspired by anime, cartoons, and comic books. For a long time I had held to the dream that I would be a comic book artist one day, but I was never really good at that style. It seemed like no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t seem to get the “right” look.

After years and years of trying to “perfect” my art, I fell into a deep depression. I grew weary of constantly posting my pieces just to receive only one of two likes from a couple of really close friends. Even worse, seeing the work of other artists who were so much better than me. As time ticked on, I lost hope that I would ever make my dreams come true.

When I heard that song, I realized I had been shackling myself. I had been holding myself back by trying to fit into this box of what other people may like. I spent so much time trying to make my art match what I thought others would want to see that I completely lost myself in the process and gave up on my dreams. It was at this point that I adopted a more abstract style. I chose the abstract style because I wanted to set myself free from the rules I placed on myself. I wanted to break free of the shackles.

Only time will tell if I’m chasing an illusion, but I’m not ready to let go of my dreams just yet.

I plan to share more of my artwork here, as well as more of my story. I hope you will join me on this journey. This is only the beginning. 💜

Amberlynn (Moon Rabbit)