First and Last Day

So there I was, after five hours of standing at the front of a restaurant, after seating rude civilians and dealing with disgruntled waiters. I was the new hostess at a strictly run, “VERY professional” restaurant, fresh out of high school, no experience. I’d already read some bad reviews by former employees, well... those were the only reviews out there. Needless to say, it wasn’t surprising that they were so desperate for workers, and needless to say, I wasn’t excited.

It was my first day and already things were going wrong. My trainer didn’t even know I was coming in that morning, the managers were out of sorts and I didn’t meet the required dress code. (We’ll get to that later.) It seemed as though I was the guppy in the pond of catfish, ready to pounce whenever I showed any sign of weakness. I know that analogy sucked but you get what I’m saying.

Basically, I wanted nothing more than to hide in the corner in a fetal position. I’d already spent up to $400 on the uniform alone. Yeah I was THAT nervous and wanted to look perfect. Unable to think straight, I really wanted to go home. Then it happened. I made a mistake. One older, rather angry looking lady came in and as I tried to seat her, she pointed to a booth across the restaurant, demanding she be seated there. I freaked out and started spinning... literally. I spun around at least twice, looking for my trainer, looking for a server to help. No one was there. I hadn’t been taught what to do yet, I didn’t know who was serving in that area. I’d kinda just been let loose to figure things out on my own. Not wanting to upset her further, I did as she asked. Now, I know what you might be thinking. “But Melody, that’s what you’re supposed to do. Customer comes first ALWAYS.” Yes, Karen I realize this, and I even thought I did pretty well in thinking so fast and recovering from my self doubt.

The problem was that without my knowledge, the servers had made a little deal between themselves and I interfered in their rotation, infuriating them in the end. I was told off, nicely of course, but I still felt the blow. All I could think was, “dammit, Mel you can’t even walk someone to their seat right.”

On top of all of this, I kept getting stares and being told off about how FAR out of dress code I was. I felt like the stupid little girl in a room of cool teenagers. I’d done everything I could within the time I had to get the right clothes, I really had. I even went so far as to remove all my bracelets and rings, my necklaces and cover my tattoos, things that I feel make me who I am. Went to multiple stores, spent hundreds of dollars that I’d taken from my car savings because I thought I’d be making it all back, but the moment I walked out of that restaurant after my shift, I called up my boyfriend and told him how I felt: dead inside, really.

I spent the rest of the day battling myself. On one hand, I needed the money. On the other, did I really want to compromise myself THAT much? I have my values, and I have my limits, and I get that sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to, but I’m young and I want to enjoy my youth. That may come off as weakness to some, but I don’t know... that intense workspace was not for me, so what did I do? I called up my manager and told him I needed time to think, that it may have been a bit too much for a first job. He immediately took it as my resignation and after saying they would be sorry to lose me, he hung as before even saying goodbye. I was shocked and felt somewhat guilty, but at the same time I felt a weight lifted from my chest that I’d held in for weeks.

I don’t know if there’s a moral of this story. Maybe it’s to “always stay true to you,” or “don’t go for this first thing that comes along,” or “listen to your gut.” You can be the judge of that. I guess I just needed to get this story out of my brain, ya know? All I know is I want to focus on things that are more geared in a creative direction. Sure, with no experience that’ll be hard to find, but what is life without little scares and struggles? Pretty bland.