Finding Nirvana;

I had never been religious or believed in anything more powerful than me up until I was around 20 years of age and I had a tarot reading done for myself.

I'd recently lost my job and unbeknownst to me, was nearing the end of my very first manic episode.

I'd applied for university on a whim and was awaiting an offer from Newcastle College. My first choice.

I sat with Sarah, the tarot reader, for no longer than 5 minutes shuffling a deck of tarot cards in this dark and musty boozer before the first card jumped out, followed by the second and the third and final card.

She sat in silence for a minute, as she pondered how to explain that the death card doesn't mean death.

"You're coming to the end of a cycle thats been on going for years. You'll be moving home soon and there's a relationship ending in the future. There's a lot here that's coming to a head, but it's all necessary in order for you to move forward. Have faith"

I sat and stared at her for a second, wondering if my mum had said anything to her prior to our meeting. My relationship was coming to an end, I could see it myself and I didn't need to be a fortune teller to figure it out. My then boyfriend would insist on not defining our relationship simply so he could see other people where-as I wanted something exclusive, stable and secure.

"Have you ever read tarot before?"

I couldn't say I had. This was also the first time I'd entertained the idea of having a reading done for me too. Things were dire and I needed to find faith and hope in something, something a little more extraordinary that religion. The irony being that this would be the moment I'd find myself going down a similar path to Sarah herself.

"I was gifted these. My first tarot deck, something somewhat sentimental to me. Take them. There's something about you that tells me you might need them."

At first I refused the offer, especially after they held a sentimental value to her but I remember her continuing to insist. The words she'd utter next would change my life.

"As a tarot reader that has come from a line of psychics and seers, it's tradition that we are gifted our very first pack of tarot cards. My mum gave me these, her mum gave them to her and my grandma gave them to her. Now, I'm giving them to you. There's something about you that reminds me of my younger self so who knows, perhaps you're one of us".

She wrapped the cards back up in a silk cloth and began to ask me if I knew anything at all about tarot. What was meant to be an unpaid fifteen minute reading became a two hour conversation about reading the cards.

A crash course in tarot reading to get me started.

I thanked her for taking the time to meet with me, and thanked her more so for the lesson and the gifts she left me with. Yes, plural as it would come to be.

We said our goodbyes and I headed home, where I'd find the mail had arrived. I was accepted into university and I'd be moving in a few short months. She was right. Everything was coming to an end, but I was excited to see where this could all take me.

It's funny looking back now and realising that was felt like a big moment, was in fact a huge influencing moment too. I took to tarot like a fish in water. To date I have 12 different sets of tarot cards and in Tarot I found something I didn't realise I was missing.

I found hope.

It's hugely shaped who I am today too, whilst I don't advertise myself as a tarot reader, I do read for people on occassions and never for cost. Just because I can thanks to Sarah.

So where am I going with this?

Well, I guess we can call this the first entry of the 365 series I've been playing with.

A journal a day based around a tarot reading a day.

So with that, I guess all that's left to say is welcome to the first of the 365 series, we'll call it... 'finding nirvana'.