Daily Reflections

01/09/2022

Everything Happens…

It is fact that requires little more than anecdotal evidence to make its case, that we often do not end up where we intended. So ubiquitous is this experience, in fact, that any proper study of it would necessarily be tainted by the observer. Is it our fault that we cannot accurately and at all times predict how things will turn out for us?

For all our schemes and machinations, we rarely end up where we want. Yet, with a little honest examination, we generally conclude (on a long enough timeline) that we have wound up where we should be. Hence the adage, “Everything happens for a reason”.

The ultimate in euphemism. When we get what we want or something sublime happens to us, we rarely, if ever, hear someone tell us that everything happens for a reason. It seems as though this phrase is only a polite acknowledgement that bad things happen, and no one knows why. We bond through mutual suffering when these words are uttered. I have never heard anyone, when speaking of the success of Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk, that it happened for a reason. I have however, heard it at nearly every funeral and celebration of life I have attended or catered. This phrase is so locked into our collective consciousness it is nearly an archetype for our ignorance. Entire religious doctrines have their foundations in this mystery.

So too with our failings and tragedies, this phase is just a tacit consent by one’s fellow human. “Blah, blah blah…a reason.” Seems to be a compressed version of the following:

“Yeah, you got the shit magnet at the end of this round. I don’t know why we play this game of calamitous musical chairs. But play we must and its just your turn. Someday you will understand why this thing was kept or taken from you. Anyway… the next round is about to start and someone else will probably take that magnet off your hands by the end of it and you will feel better. We don’t know exactly how it all works, but it is important that when you find out who gets the shit magnet, you tell them something encouraging”

For the sake of keeping the game going smoothly, we shortened it. Even more so with its ditzy sibling statement, “it is what it is.” I know some people find comfort in using this to express resigned exasperation, but let’s be honest. “It is what it is” is tautological nonsense. Of course, it is what it is. If it were something else it would be that and thus, still what it is. Further proof that we are trying to say that we don’t know without admitting that we don’t know. Such an admission would be uncomfortable. See the entry Jan 8th, for a discussion of that existential crisis.

In any case, all these phrases and fortune cookie maxims have the approximate depth and substance of a teaspoon of gossip. Yet, because they are so common. Because they identify a terrifying reality about our waking lives, they can offer us a modicum of peace when we are lost.

“Everything happens for a reason” is a damn sight better than saying:

“Oh? Are you lost? Join the club.”

Or, “Yeah, we get it, this isn’t what you imagined. Deal with it, I have my own dreams that aren’t coming true.”

Still, I feel as though we can do better. Perhaps we can say, “I know it doesn’t make sense right now. I can’t make sense of it for you. But maybe we can make sense of it together.” At least this addresses the loneliness that comes with a situation that requires us to be reminded that everything happens for a reason. When a person becomes a nexus of circumstances ill-conceived decisions and everyone is compelled to take notice.

This is all wishful thinking. And there is little sense in dissecting the semantics of sympathy. But still, when I began this trainwreck of thought, I find it odd that I would immediately gravitate towards this particular phrase when talking about how our paths rarely send us where we thought we were going. Even my own mistrust of the phrase loses its tone and timbre when I admit that it was the first thing that came to mind when I asked myself why we don’t end up where we intend.

Maybe some truths are just too big and too mysterious to be addressed any other way. We decided, subconsciously as a species to put these questions into an envelope with the following warning label:

Caution… contains Epistemological relativism. Do not open without a priest or psychologist present.

So, as much as it irks me to say it. Everything happens for a reason, except maybe, this entry.