Customer Service Revisited

“May I help you?", came the friendly, easily intelligible voice over the phone. “Uh, um, yeah, I guess”, was my hesitant response, so surprised and unaccustomed was I to talking to a live customer service agent. Still unsure that this was not a highly sophisticated “bot”, I carefully explained that I had purchased a 16-bottle spice rack from their company, Kamenstein Spice Company, 6 months ago, that I was running out of my favorite spice, and I would like to order more. The nice lady explained that their company had set up a website, where I would need to go to register, then order whatever I wanted. “BUT”, she said, “Since we’re on the phone, I will do the registration for you and take your order.” “You will?”, I asked, incredulous that I was talking to a live human being who was being helpful, conversational, not reading from a prepared script, and speaking perfect English that I could understand. For the next 15 minutes, we chatted about the spices and cooking, while she registered me, took my order, and explained that replacement spices were FREE, with just a $4.95 shipping charge for the WHOLE order, not each individual bottle.

After hanging up, I must tell you that I was in such a good mood for the rest of the day, as opposed to the massive headache I am usually left with after a customer service call, that I was determined to not only write a story about the experience, but give Kamenstein Spice Company some unsolicited advertising.

How sad is it that the customer service we used to take for granted is so rare that I feel the need to write about it? It is not just that quality customer service is rare, it’s that it is a downright blood pressure raising, aggravating, counterproductive exercise in futility. We have all been there – I wrote about it in my story, Customer Service Nightmare (https://vocal.media/01/customer-service-nightmare).

Although, as I cited above, I have written a story about an all too familiar frustrating customer service call, I am compelled to bring you this latest nightmare chapter in 21st century “customer service”, in stark contrast to the Kamenstein experience.

AMAZON:

I guess I should begrudgingly give Amazon credit for having live service agents answer the phone, regardless of the fact that they are nearly impossible to understand. I have an Amazon Prime Credit Card. Amazon tried to charge my $119 yearly Prime Membership Fee on it, and it was declined. I knew I had paid the previous month’s bill. Looking up my account online, just to be sure, verified that it was paid. I had no choice but to call Amazon Customer Service and ask them to put the charge through again. They did. It was declined. Mr. Customer Service Agent told me to call Synchrony Bank, the issuer of the Amazon Prime Credit Card to inquire why they were declining the charge. I turned over the card and called the number that said SYNCHRONY BANK CUSTOMER SERVICE. An agent I could barely understand came on the line, was totally flummoxed by my issue, and said……………..”We don’t know anything about that. You have to call Synchrony Bank.”

“But you ARE Synchrony Bank”, I impatiently informed him. “No, we’re Amazon,” he said. Perhaps I then raised my voice a little. “But the back of the card lists this number as Synchrony Bank,” I again informed him. “No, we’re Amazon,” he said. “Then give me Synchrony Bank’s number!!!!” He did. I called. Mr. Synchrony Bank Agent listened to my issue, and said……………..”You have to speak to Amazon about that.” At that point, I totally lost any vestige of control onto which I had a tenuous hold, and screamed at him about being shuffled from one place to another; that I wasn’t calling another number, and he was going to FIX THIS NOW! I could hear him explaining my situation to a supervisor, who took over and spoke to me. Within 30 seconds, she told me that my issue had been resolved, my card had been properly charged, and my Prime Membership had been restored. Well, now, I wonder how that miracle occurred so quickly.

FACEBOOK:

Contacting Facebook to resolve issues is so complex and impossible that there are pages in Google and YouTube devoted to explaining how to get to a ChatBot to help you. They don’t work, by the way. None of the “tabs” they show you to press on the You Tube or Google tutorials appeared on my screen. A direct phone number to a human at Facebook for Customer Service simply does not exist. I had to “converse” with a different Chat Bot online (not the phantom one from the You Tube video). It could not resolve my issue. It told me to write to Facebook Customer Service. I did. The answer was a “loop”. That means that the agent who emailed me directed me back to a link that directed me back to email Customer Service, which directed me back to the unworkable link that basically sent me to the bottle of Xanax. UNTIL I clicked a Facebook link inquiring about me PAYING for ads for my website. ZING! Within minutes, I received an email from a Facebook human being explaining how helpful he would be in setting up advertising, as in grabbing every cent he could squeeze out of me. And he listed his direct telephone number for me to call. A decision he would live to regret. When I spoke to that man on the telephone, I unloaded every Facebook grievance that was pent up in my angry, frustrated little body. Do you know what he told me? Even HE didn’t have a Customer Service phone number to call to resolve my issue. He did, however, send an email to the appropriate agent, who contacted me by telephone the next day and finally fixed the problem that had been plaguing me for 2 years.

HP:

They WILL talk to you, but only after you explain and discuss your problem with an online BOT. If the BOT is unable to resolve your issue, it will provide you with a Case #. Then and only then, will you be able to speak to a live person on the phone. If you don’t have that winning Case #, the voice menu will hang up on you. Trust me. I know. Even with the Case #, it took 3 (THREE) hours and multiple transfers from one incompetent, unintelligible agent to another to set up and fix error messages on my new HP printer.

MEDICAL STAFF AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE:

This one astounds me more than the aforementioned companies because I could be DEAD from the indifference of the medical staff. Amazon, Facebook, and HP have the ability to frustrate and anger me, which they did in award-winning fashion. But they don’t have the ability to kill me. The incompetence from the doctor’s staff could have.

My Primary Care doctor informed me that a preliminary test came back positive for possible cancer. He referred me to a specialist for a more extensive follow-up test. Kind of important, would you say? I called the specialist’s office, left a message (because when is a phone call ever answered by a live person?) about the positive result, and requested a return phone call to set up an appointment for the next test. TWO WEEKS went by with no return phone call. Within that two-week time span, I called TWO more times before I finally got a callback. The nurse with whom I spoke was unapologetic. According to her, my first two messages were never received, and besides, the office manager had been away for a few weeks. No one else is capable of taking phone messages???? I did not say it out loud. I didn’t want to alienate someone who possibly held my life in her hands. She informed me that I could not have the test until I first saw the doctor for a consultation. They had an opening for a consultation a month from then. My fussing and fuming over such a delay was futile, so I made the appointment.

Apparently, the specialist saw my record that evening and was not as apathetic as his staff, because he called me the next morning for an immediate phone consultation, then set up an appointment for the test for the following week.

Luckily for me, the first test was a false positive. The second one indicated that I was completely cancer-free. But what if? It could have easily gone the other way, and a month’s wait if the cancer had been aggressive would not have had a pretty outcome.

So although most customer service calls won’t kill you unless you have a stroke or heart attack from frustration, I still thought it was necessary to give a shout-out to Kamenstein Spice Company for their throwback early 20th century, helpful, efficient customer service. Too bad their agents don't work for my specialist's office.