Crying & Laughing

Last Time I Cried

I’m not much of a TV person. In fact, I don’t even know how it works anymore so I make the popcorn and my wife picks the movie. In the old days we would walk around Blockbusters for two hours trying to find a movie, only now my wife sits on her ass trying to find one on of those subscription channels and I make the popcorn. She yells into the kitchen.

“Ok I found one we haven’t seen for a while, A Star is Born with Lady Gaga.”

Don’t even ask the male singers name because I don’t have a clue. I’m thinking what am I going to do, my eyes already started welling up. Pull yourself together Ger, it’s just a movie what kind of a man are you. So, I immediately grab some paper towels. Believe me, when a man cries, he needs paper towels. An on-sale Kleenex is not enough for tears and nose blowing, especially schnoz the size of mine. I surprised they haven’t come and taken away my man card.

I’ve learned over the years watching movies with my wife, to strategically pic my seat. A spot in the room where she can only see one eye. It’s hard to conceal both. If I don’t do it this way and even though there’s only us in the room, she will embarrass me. So, I pick my seat and I’ve learned to cry from one eye.

Last Time I laughed

This is a tough one for me; I laugh all the time. It’s easier for me to pinpoint the last time I cried—lol. I laugh at the assholes in the city I work in who randomly make U-turns wherever the hell they want. They have no respect for other drivers and usually do this because they don’t want to wait in the left turn lane at a traffic light. I laughed at the guy in the Nissan when I was making a left turn at the light. I was driving an old Toyota pickup and was proceeding on the advance signal in the left turn lane at a traffic light, (proceeding— now I sound like a cop lol) the guy in the Nissan was in the right lane and just as he tried to sneak into the left turn lane in front of the guy behind me the advance light ended for me, so I stopped and he hit the back of my Toyota and went right under it. So far under my rear tires where on his hood. Muther Fucker, I said.  It was Friday rush hour and winter, I just wanted to get home. I still had the green, and the traffic was clear for me to turn. I put my truck into low four wheel, crawled down off his hood and made my left turn then jumped onto the highway. I wasn’t waiting around. I had an hours drive to home still. If they have any issues they can come and see me. Then I laughed about it. I laugh about it every time I tell that story. I’m laughing now. There’s plenty of bad drivers here now to laugh about and what else can you do but laugh at the dumb asses? One time I didn’t laugh though was the time I lobbed two fingers off on my left hand at the first knuckle with a table saw, but now some 25yrs later I laugh at the traffic light when waiting for the green and the guy beside me pulls over and thinks I’m picking a winner when I have my short finger against my nose.