Better Relationship Development

You know how people say that psychologists go into psychology to deal with their own issues? Well, I am one of those. Psychology gave me clarity and a path towards healing. I believe psychology can provide insights to help us heal our world today. I have a unique vantage point because I listen to people's problems and their pain for a living. Often, their pain is caused by others excusing their actions, even when it hurts. I have experienced it too. However, beneath pain, there is always an unmet need. When I look at the world around us, filled with division, climate collapse, racism, inequity, and trauma, I sense that something fundamental is missing. I believe that missing piece is ownership. In fact, I think the world needs radical ownership. This term captures my theory of our need to be accountable for our actions.

Why do we need radical ownership? I believe the world is lacking radical ownership in three ways or three A's: Awareness, Acknowledgment, and Action. Firstly, as humans, we are often unaware of the ways that our choices can cause a negative impact. Despite our benign intentions, let's take the example of Min and Johnny. Min cries, "Mommy, Johnny hit me," and Johnny says, "Well, that was an accident. I didn't mean to hit you." Parents, does this sound familiar? Johnny believes that his intentions were good, so he didn't want to hurt Min, therefore his impact doesn't matter. We have all experienced and done this. Secondly, instead of validating our impact, we defend our intentions, which only makes the situation worse. Lastly, this leads to greater negative impact because we are not willing to be accountable and take action to repair things. It is radical to go against our natural inclinations of defensiveness and avoidance, but I truly believe that we cannot build a more sustainable, equitable, and harmonious future if we are not willing to look inward.