An Open Letter To My Current Self

Dear Self,

I wrote to you in 2022 and I told you to keep going. You kept going. And here's what you have accomplished since. You got two college degrees, you're earning a third, you have started volunteering places, you joined a bible study, you are doing all the things you were told you couldn't. You have also started a substack, written several books and a podcast. All of which you have wanted to do forever and this month you are donating all the profits to a domestic violence shelter.

Right now you are going through a hard time, you are planning a move out of your parents house. You are working hard on that and I am so proud of you. I am so happy that 2022 you is so different then 2026 you. You did the work and you went to therapy and you wrote it all out and laid it out on the line. you have had little crushes and you have had the guts to tell them which i need to be honest is very cool and not something i would ever expect from you normally. But I am so glad you did that. It didn't go anywhere but at least you told them. It's better that you did.

Writing has become your therapy and it's given you so much peace. Taylor Swift's music is still your entire personality. We need to be real about that. It's never going to change. Don't worry about anything Amanda. You will be okay. you did this and you can keep doing this. I think the next lesson is to love yourself the way you love others. Which is hard and all in. You love people with everything you have and that's beautiful. But you really might want to love yourself that way also. I wonder what would happen if you did.

Just think about it, no pressure. I know you don't like pressure or being told what to do. I think we all deserve the love we give others. Please don't give up on yourself. You are capable of so much. Dear. Please. know that. You don't need a man or anyone to tell you that. I know you think you do but you don't. You are so important. I would not say this if it was true.

Please don't love a guy, ever. Men hurt you dear. They have hurt you in ways i can't even speak of here nor do i want to. just know you are a survivor and you can use your story to help others. The thing you have learned dear, is that you love so hard and much it takes your breath away. You give it all you have and more. You just are a loving person and your heart is gold but it's also beaten and bruised. You have been through hell and back and frankly dear i'm amazed at your ability to still care about people and love them.

I'd like to say find a guy who loves you more then words could ever say, but honestly that door needs be to be closed forever. Love your dog, your cat, your friends and your schoolwork. Love the grass and the way the wind blows and all the experiences you have had over the years. Love the fact that you graduated with 2 college degrees so far and are getting a third. Love all of that. And most importantly love yourself. But don't love a man. They'll hurt you. They always do. They break your heart into so many pieces you don't even know what to do anymore.

In closing my dear, I am so proud of you and the women you are becoming. Please don't stop.