An Actor’s Year-Long Journal: Becoming Myself Again

Where do I begin. Well, my name is Michael and I’m in my mid-thirties, that’s a start. I work at a job where I thought I’d only work for 2 to 3 years max, build up my money and savings, then move on to become a full time working actor in New York. Instead, I’m not in New York. I’m still living in my mom’s house right after college. I’m still at the same job, where I recently celebrated my tenth year. Ugh. Year after year, a question in my head gets louder, “What the heck are you doing?” To tell you the truth, I honestly don’t know. What I do know is, every time I make a plan for a better year, I manage to put it off for the next. My procrastination is holding me back and I now know that it needs to stop. It’s finally time to move forward.

What I hope to do in this journal of stories (well, would you call these “stories” since it’s more like a blog than anything) is to rediscover who I am. Why is being an actor important me? What does it mean to be Michael? It sounds narcissistic but I feel like there are people just like me who are struggling to find the purpose of their life. Honestly, I constantly see myself being on stage performing all the time. I see myself teaching people what I know and doing what I know. I see my career going strong until the day I die. It’s just that: I lost that spark, that hope, that state of “being” what I said I was going to be along the way in my journey, and I want it back. Why did I lose myself in the first place anyway?

As I post here on Vocal, I have to accept that I maybe discussing my life to no one. That’s okay. I maybe posting stories of self discovery and acknowledgement, and people who don’t read this, who knows. That is okay. This isn’t some kind of devious ploy where I tell a fake story to expose myself to get more likes or views, or bring myself to a celebrity status or something like that, no (but if that were the case, I’d be humble enough to recognize it). I don’t care for that kind of attention. I am doing this for myself. This is an outlet to put my thought out on “paper”. To improve myself, to clear my head, and I guess to understand why I continue to do what I do.

If you are still reading this, I hope you do find some sort of self rediscovery. What are you learning about yourself that you’ve put away for so long? All in all, my journey is your journey too. Entertain me and let’s rediscover what it is to be, or not to be? That is the question right?