A Masterclass in Doing Everything, Except… THE Thing

Dear MF'n Diary,

I find myself with so many ideas. So many things I want to do--yet doing nothing at the same damn time.

Irritating. 

I even wrote two completely different articles for my next drop… Decisions, decisions.

I want to lose a lil weight & tone a lot. But I don't want to go to the gym. Bought a walking pad & dumbbells.

Both collecting dust.

I want to get back to healthy eating, making smoothies. Got frozen fruit and protein powder--unopened. 

I need to make more money. What I really want is a better paying full-time job, but then I think maybe I should just find an evening job for right now.

Browsing, scrolling, second guessing applying. Like, is it even worth applying just to get rejected? Again!?

Opened a Fidelity account, created a whole watchlist, started researching REIT Investing. Haven't funded the account. Not a single dollar.

Time wasted. Overthinking…  my greatest downfall. 

How do I commute 35 to 40 minutes, one way, to & from my full-time job and still find time to do all this shit?!

Mind you, I still need to post on social media, cook dinner, and fit in sitting back, crossing my legs at the ankle, & watching Law & Order, SVU, Organized Crime, & Toronto Criminal Intent. 

Cause, TF?! I’m watching my shows.

I need a schedule, some structure, even looked into a digital planner. Then convinced myself I needed a tablet for that--something else I don't have money for.

Un-Fucking-Productive.

What may look like laziness or procrastination, is really me being overwhelmed, mentally crowded, stuck in my own head.

So, here I am, sitting with it all and wondering…

How do I get unstuck? Move from thoughts to action?

Simple.

(Is it, really, though?)

First, Bih, be realistic...

Not everything needs to happen all at once. You can’t change your whole life in one week.

Map those goals, rate 'em, highest to lowest.  Pick a few--not all, then start knocking them out like Mike Tyson.

And, since we know the Law & Orders are staying on the to-do list, let's start to build a routine around my real life—not the imaginary one where I’m actually out the bed at 5AM. Journaling. Walking 3 miles—cause even in make believe I ain’t running on these knees—drinking green juice, and have no stress.

That’s definitely not my life…

Create a long-term routine first. Be consistent. Disciplined.

Motivated. Motivation??? Yeah, she be M.I.A. sometimes.

Gotta get some of this shit outta my head, it's starting to get crowded up in there.  Cloudy even. Can't have that. 

The Virgo in me is starting push back, like—Bih, TF is you doing? This ain't what we do. You know better.

And I do.

Prayer, meditation, and some stretching can be part of my morning routine. Even if it’s just 15 minutes. Not perfect, but present.

30 minutes on the walking pad in the evenings. No excuses. I can do that while watching one of my shows. Just one of my shows.

Then there’s dinner. Since the boy is on campus most of the year, me & cooking don’t quite see eye to eye. It would definitely ease the strain on my pocketbook. I guess I’ll get on Pinterest & look up some one-pot meals.

Spirituality and health—top two. If those are off, everything else tends to feel harder than it has to be.

Then there’s the job hunt. I’m doing a career pivot. I’m moving into Implementation.

My next title will be Implementation Specialist, Clinical Trainer, or Onboarding Specialist.

Yep. I know what I want to do, what I’m looking for. No longer aimlessly looking, hoping I come across something I might be qualified for.

This is now a targeted career change. Very specific. And I’m 100% ok with that.

Rejected. Pivoted. Growing. Lifing…

And I’m here for it all!

--A Word with Kai