5 Social Emotional School Lessons

"Do it!" they said. "You'll do great and you're so good at connecting with the kids." I was pumped up to be a Social Emotional School Counselor. I had visions of helping kids and teachers better understand themselves and their emotions. But as I approach the end of my first year as a SESC I don't know that I really have accomplished either of these aspirations. I do know that amidst my hard work, the emotional drain and the wonderful glimpses of forward movement I have learned a few lessons. So today I'd like to share 5 of those lessons with you in the hopes that you can better understand what a SESC really does.

Lesson 1: No one knows what you do.

"What does she even do? Every time I see her she's walking the halls." "I asked her to help me the other day and she said her schedule was full, but then I didn't see her all day." "Yea, she cancelled on me because she said she had an emergency. What does that even mean?" All of these are phrases I've overhead spoken about me in the hush of the halls and teachers' lounge. See, my position is new this year and as any new position everyone wants to know how my list of duties stacks up to theirs. Truth be told, when I started this year I kind of wondered the same. So let me fill you in on what a Social Emotional School Counselor does. I am at school before everyone else in the morning to greet the students with anxiety that need the extra quiet time to start their day off right. I am in the hall talking to kids and getting a glimpse of their faces so I know who needs to talk about what happened over the weekend. I am in the teacher lounge watching and checking in on the teacher who I've heard might be getting a divorce so that when he/she needs a shoulder I can be that shoulder. I am watching discipline trends so I can create our next advisory lesson around what behaviors we are most struggling with. I am talking to the principal to ensure he has the right words to voice the next upcoming initiative that is going to yet again pull teachers away from their families. I am seeing an average of 5-8 kids a day for crisis intervention.... unless one has a real crisis in which case EVERYTHING gets canceled until I know that student is safe. See, in a school of 1200 I am the one person expected to know and handle all things social emotional. This job encompasses so many diverse aspects that to try and pinpoint exactly what I do would be like catching the wind. But like the wind, even when you don't see me, I am there filling the gap.

Lesson 2: There aren't enough of you.

As I said, I work in a school of 1200 students. There are over 40 teachers/coaches, 3 assistant principals, 3 academic counselors, 1 principal and then me. Any given month I average seeing 50-60 students more than once during the month. Our sessions, unlike traditional counseling sessions, last anywhere from 10 minutes to 2 hours. Even if I were able to see all 50 once every 2 weeks these kids could still use more help. Even if there were 5 of me we wouldn't be able to cover the kids at the level they need it. Something has shifted in our society in such a way that students no longer know how to regulate their emotions or thoughts. They get stuck in crisis mode and are unable to pull themselves out without help. Many come from dis-regulated homes and have not learned how to regulate themselves. So, I take them, walk with them through their struggle, talk with them and then send them back to class. If there were one of me to every 100 students we might actually begin to make an impact in the way that parents and communities are expecting, but alas, there is only one of me.

Lesson 3: You have to celebrate the small victories.

In a world where there isn't enough of me and everyone has an opinion I live for the small victories. The days that a student stays in class or doesn't have a meltdown. The moments where a teacher and a student finally connect and realize that they are more alike than different. The days that I go home and know that I don't have to worry about anyone for the next few hours. These are the victories that I cherish. These are the moments that make it all worth while.

Lesson 4: It's all about coloring sheets.

When I started this job I had a coloring group during lunches on Fridays. The principal did not believe that I'd have any students show. His faith in the power of coloring was so low that he himself came to my first Friday meeting so I'd have at least one person show. Turns out I had over 30 students show the first time and even more after. What many don't understand is that coloring gives people an outlet. If I can color while we talk I don't have to look at you. If I can share how I really feel while I'm coloring then I'm not looking at you. If I'm not looking at you I don't see your reaction and thus I am free of whatever judgement I believe is out there. As the year has progressed I have found that coloring sheets are my best talking piece. Students feel like they can continue to come and see me as long as their coloring sheet is not done because they aren't going to see the counselor, they're going to color. Staff and faculty feel like they can go see the counselor because they are coloring, not because they are talking about their stress. And just like that, it becomes all about the coloring sheets.

Lesson5: This is a work of the heart for the heart.

I've called this position a job. It's not just a job, it's a calling. You can't listen to the things I hear, and see the things I see without your heart breaking sometimes. Many times I go home to my own child and just want to hold her and shelter her from all the bad in the world. Because helping others to heal their hearts is heart breaking working. Your Social Emotional School Counselor is not alright when she says she is. She is tired and burdened with the worries of her campus. She feels your pains and seeks to mend your heartache in the same way she seeks to mend her students' heartache. Being a Social Emotional School Counselor is not easy work, but it is rewarding in ways that can never be explained. The relationships and bonds that are formed when you work from the heart are relationships and bonds that will never be broken.

Moving forward:

I don't know what the future holds for me as a Social Emotional School Counselor. I know that I am in it for the long haul. I know that I am ready to walk through fire for my students and faculty. I know that it's one of the toughest things I'll ever do and I know that we need more. Our future generations require more social emotional education whether they are getting it at home or in school. So next time you drop your student off at school, next time you hear that someone is a social emotional counselor, think back to these lessons and thank them for what they are doing.