5 signs you're going through a "third-of-life" crisis

Well, I made it. The big 3-0. Thirty years of me. The first age milestone that causes reflection on life goals and achievements. And let's be honest: how many people have achieved all the things they thought they would by the time they turned thirty? How many people, fresh out of their teen years, looked at the next decade and thought, by the time I'm thirty, I'll have at least two children, working in a fantastic career, own a beautiful big house, have a wonderful partner. Nine years to get it all figured out. I was certainly one of those people. But things don't always work out that way.

That isn't to say I haven't achieved a lot in my thirty years. I've done an undergrad and a postgrad, written two books, got married to a wonderful man, bought my first home, owned three pets. All that time, I've had amazing friends and the best, most supportive family. I've done very well for myself, I know that.

But there are goals I haven't met too. I've just quit my career to pursue other things, things which are still unknown to me. I'm not a mother to one child yet, let alone two. My home is a flat, not a house. A nice flat, but not where I thought I'd be living in my thirties. Life isn't how I pictured it at all.

So now, weeks into into my thirties, I am having what I call a "third-of-life" crisis. Too late for the quarter-life, too early (I hope!) for the mid-life, the third-of-life crisis hit me harder than I thought it would. And naturally, in true crisis form, I started doing things that were out of the ordinary, such as starting my own educational content shop, considering becoming a streamer on Twitch, buying a fancy new camera with my birthday money to take photos because I've always enjoyed photography and I could maybe even sell a few pics online. There are worse ways to deal with a crisis of course, but it's quite clear to me that I'm in one.

So how do you know if you're in a third-of-life crisis? Well, if you've got any of these things and you've just turned thirty, you might well be in one. Welcome to the club, friend!

A new tattoo

Ah yes, the "I'm in a transitional period of my life right now" tattoo. Generally it's either tiny and cute or bloody massive and intricate. Either way, it's something that, at any other time of your life, you may not necessarily have been in a rush to get. I'm not saying you weren't going to get round to it, but you were probably about to dive into the pool and turning thirty pushed you in.

I hadn't intended on getting another tattoo. My sister (twenty, ugh) went for her first one and I offered to join her as I wasn't working that day. As soon as I agreed, I thought about the elephant tattoo I had wanted since I went to South Africa in 2014. I had been toying with the idea of a line of elephants, but wasn't sure where to have it. I'd also thought about a small cute one with a little red heart. This was the one I was trying to find on my computer to show my sister when I decided to Google it instead and saw a picture of a tiny elephant behind the ear.

I had a lot of little elephants saved on my phone, but that one really stood out to me. It wasn't perfect, and I spent a long time drawing different versions that would work for me, then put the final sketch in my purse and took it with me. You know, just in case. And luckily, the artist had time to fit me in! So that's how Rory the elephant ended up behind my ear.

If you have, or are considering, getting a new tattoo and you've just turned thirty (and aren't a passionate tattoo collector!), you may be approaching a third-of-life crisis.

A radical hairstyle/colour change

Is there anything that makes you feel more like a new person than a new hair colour? To be fair, I have been dying my hair for 16 years and tried so many different colours. I've gone blonde, orange, red, auburn, brown and black, as well as a stint of very dark purple which was basically black. Considering this, a colour change may not seem so surprising or related to my crisis, but this time around, my approach to dying my hair screamed of "I'M THIRTY AND I NEED SOMETHING DIFFERENT."

Firstly, I decided to use a colour remover to get back as close to my natural hair as possible. I've dyed over dye over dye for years, and the colour has always come out darker than the box. I knew it would take time to fully work, it was always a gradual colour change, and I wanted the change now. So I bought some colour remover.

I had been reluctant to do this before as I had heard stories of how these products could ruin your hair, dry it out, damage it irreversibly. But after reading some reviews I gave it a go. And to be honest, apart from a couple of days of hair smelling like rotten eggs, it wasn't too bad. My hair felt fine. There was no bleach or ammonia. And I got to cling film my head which is the only part of my body I haven't had cling filmed (a story for another time!)

I'd bought some bright red dye, then gone shopping with my mum and sister and also bought some bright purple dye. I wasn't sure which I wanted to try first, but decided to go with red. And it failed completely. Honestly, the tiniest hue in a bright light was all I got. It was a sign. It was purple time.

I have always been intimidated by the bright purples of Live hair dye, but in true third-of-life fashion, I went for it. And wow, is my hair purple!

Needless to say I was delighted with the result. It's bright, but still quite dark, the perfect combination. Will I keep the colour? For now, absolutely. Then again, I'm still in crisis mode, so maybe I'll tone it down in a few months.

So if you're considering a radical haircut/style/colour change and you've just turned thirty, you may well be having a third-of-life crisis. That being said, I always encourage having fun with your hair!

A new piercing

Full disclosure: I have not yet got a new piercing! I think I'm suffering from mild hay fever, or even just reacting to the varied weathers and temperatures (climate change, am I right?), but I've been struggling with a stuffy nose recently. And guess where I've been debating getting pierced?

Prior to turning thirty, I was quite confident I wouldn't be getting another piercing. I'm not a fan of needles, and my ears were more than enough. I did try a fake nose piercing for a rock-themed day at work, which did look kind of awesome, but I wasn't bothered about making the look permanent.

Then my birthday loomed. I started looking back at this picture. Looking at photos of friends who had nose piercings. Wondering how painful it would actually be. And I started seriously considering it.

I haven't yet decided if this is a step I'll take. I don't want to spend the money if I'm going to take it out after two weeks. Despite my fairly impulsive behaviour around this crisis, I'm going to hold off until I'm sure I actually want the piercing. But if you're suddenly finding yourself desperately wanting to add new holes to your body, you may be struggling with the big 3-0.

A change in career

Now, I had been thinking for a long time about changing career. Education is one of my passions, but being in the classroom has taken its toll on my mental health these past few years (you can read more about my exit from the classroom in this article). However, I don't think it was a coincidence that I handed my notice in two weeks before my birthday.

It took me a while to come round to the idea, but I decided to try my hand at supply while I worked out what I wanted to do next. It's easy to think you don't have any skills suitable for outside the classroom when you're a class teacher, but this couldn't be further from the truth. Customer service, time management, working to deadlines, communication with a range of ages and professions, risk assessment, continuing professional development, content creation, all of these skills that are seen as invaluable in the office are developed and used in a classroom environment. Recently, I decided that whatever I do, I want the word "Writer" in my job title. I still have a way to go until this happens, but I am working on my portfolio and searching for opportunities. Until then, I am signed up to do supply teaching, exam invigilating, and I'll be marking KS2 SATs later this month.

Of course, no third-of-life crisis would be complete without dreams of going self-employed. And that's where Conkers Creative comes in.

I have had a Facebook page for the longest time to share my writing, but I wanted to open it up a little more to share all of my creative projects (see hobbies list below) under one umbrella. I share comics, links to writing, paintings, drawing, photos, teaching resources, etc. If it's something I made, it's there.

There are advantages and disadvantages to this. I love having one space for all of my creativity. However, not everything I share will be for everyone. If you follow my Instagram for my paintings, you might not want to see writing updates, or photos. Nevertheless, I've gone niche-less and want to stay that way. Maybe one day, someone will decide I need all the money for my photos or paintings or stories, and I'll choose one niche, but for now, I have a small piece of the internet which is my own.

There's nothing wrong with changing career, and it's never too late to do so, but if you're hitting an age milestone and suddenly having dreams of starting anew, you may have hit crisis mode.

A new hobby (or ten!)

Hobbies are great; everyone needs something to do in their spare time. But there is a fine line between trying new things and jumping on every new thing that you set your mind to. Here is a list of all the hobbies I have started in the last year, aka the build-up to my thirtieth:

* Painting

* Comics

* Poetry

* Photography

* Knitting

* Crochet

* Streaming

* Drawing (with pencil, blending and shading, etc.)

* Oil pastels

* Rollerblading (still to get started on that one!)

* Online courses - including copywriting, make your own courses, proofreading, calligraphy, tarot, palmistry, and oh so many more.

Starting a new hobby is a wonderful thing to do, but if you're picking up several different activities at once, you may not be handling thirty as well as you'd like!

So how do we deal with it?

By now, you've probably realised if you yourself are in the midst of a third-of-life crisis (or even a quarter/mid-life one!) and wondering what to do about it. Well, as someone having a life crisis myself, I don't know if I'm the right person to give advice, but these are my recommendations.

Don't overdo it. It's really easy to want to try anything and everything under the sun, but hobbies can get very expensive, especially if you aren't actively pursuing them. Really think about what hobbies you'd like to try, pick one or two and throw yourself into them. This way you won't break the bank on things you don't enjoy, and if you decide one's not for you, at least you know you tried.

Wait at least three days before making a decision. It's really easy to feel impulsive when you're going through a life crisis. I should know, have you seen my list of hobbies!? That's why when an idea pops into your head, you should write it down, then think about it for at least three days, ideally a week. If it still seems like an amazing idea that you're really passionate about, go for it! If not, now is not the time for it.

Talk to people. You are surrounded by people who love you, be it in person or online. Don't keep your feelings to yourself; talk to friends and family about how you feel. I am incredibly grateful to have wonderful friends, an amazing family, and a brilliant husband. Not everyone is as lucky as I am, but you can always join a Discord server, or find new friends on Twitter. I'm always happy to chat, and as you can see, I know what I'm talking about when it comes to third-of-life crises! My DMs are always open for those who need support.

Be kind to yourself. You're probably feeling guilty for having these struggles. Let's be honest, thirty is no age at all. There's still so much of life left. And this is true of most ages. It is never too late to try something new, to write a book, to take up a new hobby. Age is just a number. Social constructs have dictated to us what we should be doing by which ages, but it's arbitrary. Everyone is different. It is not a race, especially when we all have different finish lines. But just because there are plenty of reasons to not have a third-of-life crisis, it doesn't mean you won't have/aren't having one. And that's alright.

If you take anything from this article, let it be this: your feelings are valid, be proud of your accomplishments, everything is going to be okay.