Why I Stopped Babysitting

The last day I spent with Addy started with a long novel of a text message at six am. His mom, Kathy, had an out of town family emergency. She was incredibly vague about what was actually happening, but insisted that it was urgent, and that I really needed to watch Addy for the day. Since I was on break, and I liked Addy slightly more than I disliked Kathy, I told her I was on my way. When I stepped in the door, she stepped out. She looked disheveled, to say the least.

“Thank you so much sweety, I’ll be home as soon as I can.” Without even waiting for a response she got into her car, and I closed the door.

Addy was on the ground surrounded by a sea of legos.

“Hey, what are you building buddy?” I got as close as I could without crushing anything and squatted down.

“A castle!” He was too intent on his work to look up, so I sat on the couch and started reading. For the better part of the morning we stayed like that. I got through most of my book while his pile of legos kept growing, but looking decidedly less and less like a castle every time I looked over.

Eventually he got tired of building, and decided he wanted to go to the park. They lived right in the middle of the city, so there was a really nice one with a playground just around the corner. Addy knew that as long as it was nice out I would never refuse to take him there.

We put on our jackets and walked over. I had been there so many times, that I started to zone out already. This was a part of my routine, take Addy to the park, watch him while he played and pretend to be impressed every time he showed me something, tell him not to throw sand at the other kids. It got repetitive, but it was a pleasant kind of repetitive.

When I sat down though, I knew something was off. Addy waddled over to the sandbox with his toy trucks, as usual. I recognized a few of the parents and other kids, as usual. There were people walking their dogs or talking in benches, the same demographic as usual. But here, on the playground, something felt off.

It was like there was a sense of unease hanging heavy in the air. The parents were on edge, glancing around. Older siblings hovered closer to their brothers and sisters than they normally would. It was like a pack of wild animals could sense that there was a predator nearby, and they were gearing up to run away at a moments notice.

I kept my eyes on Addy but searched around often enough that I spotted the source of the danger quickly. Sitting on a bench near the other end of the park was a man sitting by himself. He was far enough away to not look like he was watching the playground, but every few seconds he would look up from his book. Just like the parents glanced anxiously at him, he glanced at the playground. He was far enough away that he clearly didn’t have any kids playing. He probably wasn’t being creepy enough that anyone felt they could really go over and tell him off. But it was enough to set off everyone’s radar.

Addy was by himself in the sandbox, which just happened to be the first thing in his view. I let Addy stay over there for a few minutes, but I couldn’t help but feel the man was taking a special interest in him. I joined him in the sandbox, placing myself directly between the man and Addy.

For awhile I helped Addy build a ‘sand castle’, he really had a poor grasp on what a castle was supposed to look like. I got so absorbed in throwing sand around, that I forgot completely about the guy on the bench.

Suddenly, there was a change in the atmosphere. Moms hastily got up and went to check on their kids, and a game of tag that had spread out to the field was quickly called back.

“My son has a truck just like that.” The voice was quiet and even. It wouldn't have been alarming if it wasn’t for the fact that I didn’t realize there was anyone behind me.

I turned around and greeted the man with my bitchiest “I’m sorry, do I know you?” He wasn’t looking at me though, his eyes were locked on Addy. He didn’t look objectively like someone I should be scared of. He wore khaki’s and a polo shirt, with his hair styled, like he was just on break at the office. If he had just sat closer to the playground, everyone would have assumed he was one of the parents. It was scary to think that if he’d tried a little harder, he could have just blended in.

“Thomas” He said, reaching his hand out, but more in Addy’s direction than in mine. He was looking at Addy like he needed something from him. There was a sick kind of desperation in his eyes.

I snatched up Addy and buried his face into my shoulder. “Stay away from my kid!” I said it loud enough that I knew the parents around me would hear, but quiet enough that I hoped I wouldn't scare any kids. I turned my back on him, I didn’t want to look at him. I didn’t want know how he was looking at Addy. One of the dads who had been watching started walking over to the man like he was on a warpath. I walked away as quickly as I could, not wanting Addy to see the confrontation.

“My truck!” Addy yelled, squirming around. He said it like it was the most important thing in the world to him, and it tore at my heart a little bit to leave it.

“We’ll get it later buddy, okay.” I picked up my pace, and heard yelling in the background. We rounded the corner and I slowed down a little and let Addy walk. “We have to go home for a little, and then we’ll go get your truck, okay?” He just stared at his feet, already sulking.

Once we were inside I closed the door, and double checked that I locked it. I knew it was entirely possible that I was overreacting, but I was still a bit shaken up. And to be honest, very pissed off. Addy on the other hand, mostly seemed upset about his truck, and decided that he was going to build a new one out of legos. It went about as well as the castles had but I was grateful that he was still keeping himself entertained. I tried to help him with it, but he was still too mad at me to want to play.

I finished my book, and had resolved to start on homework, when I decided to text Kathy. I had no idea how long she was going to be gone, so I was hoping for an update. But after thoroughly searching through my purse, I realized that I hadn’t checked it since I got back.

I looked under the couch, in the legos, and all over the kitchen, but it was nowhere to be found. I must have dropped it at the park. I weighed the pros and cons of getting it for a minute, but decided that I really needed to go back.

“Hey,” I tapped his shoulder, since he was intent on facing away from me, “we’re gonna get your truck, okay?”

“Really?” He jumped up and ran over to put his shoes on “Thank you Care!” The name Claire had eluded him when we first met, but I thought it was cute, so I let him keep calling me ‘Care’. It always brought a smile to my face when he said it.

When we got back to the park I was grateful to see the man was gone. Addy sprinted over to the sandbox and I jogged to keep up. But when he got to the edge, his face fell. There was no sign of his truck or my phone. We dug through the sand and searched all around the grass but we couldn't find either one. I decided that someone must have picked them up.

The parents and kids who were here now were part of a completely different group than the ones who had been here just an hour or so ago. Given that this wasn’t the best part of town, I wasn’t going to get my hopes up too much about getting either of them back. Reluctantly I decided to go back to Kathy’s. It was getting dangerously close to sunset, and we could try again in the morning.

We were all the way back to the front door, when I heard car horns and tire screeches sound off behind me. I looked back and saw a man sprinting across the road. He had a ratty jacket, and a baseball cap, but when he looked up, I saw the same clean, calm face from the park.

I slammed the door and deadbolted it. “Addy, hon, go sit in your room for a second okay?” I gave Addy a gentle nudge down the hall. Through the peephole I could see the man race up the steps, and I instinctively backed up when he jiggled the door handle. He started pounding on the door.

My heart was racing, but I took a moment to asses the situation. I didn’t have a phone and there was no landline. This wasn’t the worst neighborhood, but no one was going to be calling the police for me unless something drastic happened. There was a bus stop within view of the house, and he had probably been watching us for some time. I had no idea if or when Kathy might be home.

I looked through the peephole again and could see his face intermittently between hits. His left eye was swelling up, and his face was distorted with an animalistic rage. I had to do something.

“The police are on their way, you need to leave!” I tried to make my voice sound intimidating, but it cracked halfway through. Right away he stopped hitting the door. I watched him step back and reach into his coat pocket.

He moved back a little more and held up an object in each hand so I could see them perfectly through the peephole. In his right hand he had Addy’s truck. In his left, he had my phone. He stepped back up to the door, close enough that he blocked out the peephole.

“Go ahead, call the cops.” He said it loud enough for me to hear through the door, but quiet enough that I knew the neighbors couldn’t. With that, he slinked out of sight and I ran to check on Addy.

Addy was laying on his bed, with a coloring book in front of him and crayons piled up around him. He didn’t seem alarmed in the least, and I was grateful that he probably couldn’t hear anything from in here. I didn’t know what to do so I just sat with him for a minute.

His room was decorated to about four feet off the floor with pages from coloring books, drawings, and pictures he had cut out of magazines. It was a stark contrast to the rest of the house, which had a select few family photos, all from the last year or so, and no artwork to speak of. The rest of the house felt cold and distant, but Addy had found a way to blossom in the face of negativity. That was one of the things I loved about babysitting, seeing kids who learned to flourish in exactly the ways their parents couldn’t.

The first time I saw it I went around asking him about various drawings and pictures, and he babbled about it in a way that told me people didn’t usually take an interest. There were pictures of animals, or other kids that he thought were cool, but he also had cut out pictures that were completely obscure. There was a lawn mower in one corner, and a bag of kitty litter off to the side, he seemed like he was mostly selecting for bright colors. The drawings themselves had an abstract feel. Some of them were him and Kathy, some were drawings of various cartoons, and some depicted him with a tall man that I assumed must be his father, who had passed away last year. All of the drawings were bright and happy and what they lacked in realism they more than made up for in creativity. In about half of them, Addy drew himself with orange hair, his favorite color. There were blue dogs and purple suns and grass green skies.

I snapped out of my trance when I heard a tapping behind me. I felt my stomach drop instantly, and what little regularity I had gotten back in my heartbeat vanished. Addy’s bed was leaning right up against the window and I didn’t have to turn around to see who it was. I grabbed Addy and ran to the other side of the room. I didn’t want to, but I turned around.

He was putting all of his weight up against the window and gently tapping it with one of those stupid decorative rocks Kathy had out front. I reached out above me, frantically looking for any kind of weapon I could use up on Addy’s shelf. My hand wrapped around his pencil case and I pulled out his set of colored pencils. I tried to look as threatening as possible with a rainbow clutched in my fist.

“Addy, go to the basement, and close the door.” I said it as calmly as I could, and pushed him out the door. Addy didn't seem alarmed and I could swear I heard him say something about hide and seek as he ran off.

In a flash the man smashed into the window, taking out about half of the panes of glass. I ran over and stabbed his arm as he reached in to pry off the plastic between the panes. I had never in my life stabbed someone, and I didn’t realize how much force was actually needed, He screamed and pulled his arm back, but there was hardly any damage done.

I cut my losses and ran. Glass rained down on the floor behind me, and I heard two heavy feet hit the floor. I threw the basement door closed but to my dismay, saw that that there was no lock.

“Addy!” I yelled. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew I didn’t want him to be alone. I felt thump that told me the man was in the house, which meant I had only seconds to get us to safety. There was a small bathroom in the basement, and at the very least it would buy us time in case the neighbors had called the cops.

I ran to the bottom of the steps, and kept calling his name quietly, but Addy wouldn’t answer. The footsteps rapidly approached the door, in what must have only been a few seconds, but felt like an eternity. If I couldn’t find Addy I would at least buy him some time.

The door crashed open, and I looked up just long enough to let him see me, then slammed the bathroom door. Thankfully this one had a lock. I ripped open the shower curtain, hoping against hope that Addy would be there, but I was only greeted by a slow dripping faucet.

The door shuddered behind me as the man dealt the first blow, and I felt the smallest bit of satisfaction that I could distract him. Each hit caused the door to creak and groan more, and I had no idea which blow would be the one to finally tear it down. I had the plunger firmly gripped in my hands, ready to jab the handle in his eyes if he got in. The blows grew louder and more frantic, and I absurdly took a moment to reflect upon the fact that I was thinking about stabbing another person's eyes out with a toilet plunger.

It cracked inward, the lock splintering off, and the man fell into the room all in the same instant. He knocked me over and my shoulder hit the tub, snapping my neck backwards.

Everything stopped for an instant. I forgot about Addy, forgot about the man, forgot about who I was. All I could focus on was getting air back into my lungs, and lifting my head up enough to realize it was still attached to my body, despite the awful burning in my neck.

I don’t know how long I was laying there, but when I opened my eyes, The man was gone. I got up as quickly as I could, and ran up the stairs. Feeling better with each step that no permanent damage had been done. When I whirled around to face the other end of the hallway, the man was standing no more than three feet away from me. We stared at each other in shock, then, without really thinking it through I decided I need to get to the kitchen knives.

He was leaning forward just a bit, having just opened a closet door, and I slammed into his side, knocking him off balance. He didn’t quite fall over, but leaned just enough that I could slip into the kitchen. In retrospect, I really should have grabbed a knife when he first showed up, but for some reason the thought never crossed my mind. Fear makes the mind irrational I guess.

The biggest butcher knife was still there. I turned around expecting an attack, but the man was gone. He couldn’t find Addy either apparently. Given the time frame, he must have ran into Addy’s room, so I walked over cautiously, and peered around the corner, the way that cops do on tv.

He was staring at Addy’s wall. I was sure he could see me from the angle he was at, but he didn’t look over. I had to do something, and my instincts and adrenaline were telling me that it was us, or him.

I Sprinted over and jammed the kitchen knife into his leg. He screamed, loud enough that I was sure the neighbors could hear, then crumpled. I had no idea how deep the wound was, but he was out, and I had to find Addy. I stepped back and set my mind on checking the basement more thoroughly. I would get Addy and we would get the hell out of here. But just as I reached the door, I heard saw his closet door creek open.

“Daddy?” Addy stepped out, and before I could stop him, he sat next to the man.

“Care?” He looked at me, and tears started to well up in his eyes. “Care he’s hurt.”

I was frozen, dozens of ideas flitting through my head about what could be going on, but thankfully the approaching sirens drowned them out.

I cradled Addy while I watched the blood pool on the floor. I had never seen that much blood in my life, but I couldn’t be sure if I had hit anything major. I heard tire screeches, then the front door opening, but it was far less comforting than it would have been only moments ago. Someone grabbed my shoulders and started talking to me in a tone that was both soothing and urgent.

The trip to the hospital, the police station and the drive home all felt strangely dreamlike, as my adrenaline wore off, and I was left feeling more tired than anything else. I slept like a rock that night, and I was called down to the station the next day, where they explained most of what had happened to me.

The man, Steven, had been in a long term relationship with Kathy, whose real name was Melissa. It ended badly due to her increasing instability, and he felt like she might be a danger to his son, Thomas. He had filed a report of her harassing him, but nothing came of it, until his son went missing.

That was over a year ago. Kathy had moved, but only to the other side of town. She changed Thomas’s name, his hair color, and did the same for herself. She even got a sick joy out of parading Thomas around the areas she knew Steven frequented. After dozens of calls from Steven, the police had started dismissing him entirely, so he had decided to take matters into his own hands. Apparently since he had seen me with Addy, he assumed I had kidnapped him, but he wasn’t one hundred percent sure it was him until he saw the truck.

After months of investigations and hospital healing, Steven got his son back, and Melissa went to court. It was a happy ending I suppose, but I decided that I didn’t want to be involved in babysitting anymore. You never really know what kind of dark secrets you’ll uncover being that closely involved in people’s lives, and I am perfectly happy not turning over anymore stones.