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The Phantomic Coffee

Satan called. He wanted his coffee back

By Dharrsheena Raja SegarranPublished about a year ago Updated 15 days ago 5 min read
Top Story - January 2023
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Photo by Jody-Rodgers on Flickr

“You’ve got to be kidding me!!!” Mag groaned because she was out of coffee.

She had always told herself to get more coffee before she finished the current stash but failed miserably every single time.

Mag’s cat, Adelaide, woke up from her beauty sleep due to the havoc Mag was wreaking in the kitchen.

Adelaide entered the kitchen and gave Mag a death stare as if to say “How dare you disturb my slumber, you old hag?!”

“Oh, I’m sorry Adelaide, I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m all out of coffee and I’d die without it!”

Adelaide’s glare never faltered. She then jumped on the kitchen counter and curled up.

“Come on, Adelaide, off the counter, please. You have your cozy little be–”, Mag was interrupted midsentence as the doorbell rang.

“God, please give my caffeine-less self the patience to deal with whoever is at my door”, muttered Mag under her breath as she slowly walked to her front door.

She opened the door and much to her annoyance, there was no one. “Those friggin’ pests, I’ll get them one day!” shouted Mag.

As she was about to close her door, she noticed a small black packet on her doorstep.

“Strange”, she thought. She didn’t order anything online.

Thinking it must be a mistake, she picked up the packet. Much to her delight, it was coffee! Someone left her a packet of instant coffee on her doorstep!

She quickly brought it into her kitchen while her mind raced with so many thoughts.

Could someone have known that she was out of coffee?

But who would want to give her a whole packet of it?

And why run away after ringing the doorbell?

Image from Pinterest

She studied the packet. It had a picture of a coffee-filled cup on it with the words ‘Instant Coffee’ above it. There was no brand. She turned the packet around and it was empty.

It didn’t have any of the mandatory information a food product is supposed to have such as the ingredients, nutritional information, manufacturing date, expiry date and country of origin.

Throwing caution to the wind, she opened the packet. She was immediately hit by a strong wave of aroma from the coffee. It smelled so good! She has never smelled coffee this wonderful.

Impatient to try this coffee and desperate for her morning caffeine fix, Mag added two spoons of coffee into her mug. She then added two more after contemplating for a second.

She poured in some hot water and was about to grab the creamer when she remembered that she’s not had breakfast yet.

Mag is weird in many ways and the way she takes her coffee is one of them. She has black coffee before breakfast and has it with creamer after breakfast.

She gave it a few stirs and inhaled the aroma before bringing the mug to her lips. She took a small sip. The taste was incredible, nothing close to the coffee that she was used to.

She took a bigger sip. The coffee felt so velvety and smooth. Apart from the taste, she could feel what the coffee was doing to her body. She could feel the emotions brimming and begging to escape.

She gave in and a smile appeared on her face. Slowly, it turned into a grin. She was happy. Happier than she had ever felt in her life.

She then took a big gulp of the coffee. Her mug was now half empty. She was now laughing and dancing around in her kitchen. Adelaide was awake and eyeing her every movement.

Finishing her last drop of coffee, Mag approached Adelaide and whispered into her ears, “I can hear my blood flowing through my body! I’m a walking, talking blood river!”

She quickly brought her hands to touch her head and said, “I can feel my hair pushing through my scalp! I’m sprouting, my head is sprouting! I’m a plant too!”

She was now giggling non-stop, “Oh Adelaide, I feel alive, I feel happy”

Image from Gfycat

“Adelaide, I can’t see you all that well suddenly”, said Mag as she rubbed her eyes. She then dug both her eyes out using her fingers.

“I don’t need eyes that can’t see, Adelaide!” said Mag triumphantly. Her eyeballs were dangling down her face by their optic nerves.

“Adelaide, look what I can do!” said Mag as she started shaking her head vigorously, causing her eyeballs to swing wildly around.

Adelaide just watched curiously, without moving a muscle. She didn’t even flinch when Mag yanked out the optic nerves from her eye sockets as if uprooting a tree.

She then popped one of the eyeballs into her mouth like it was a grape and bit into it. Slowly she chewed on it, savoured it like it was the best bubble gum ever.

“Ugh! That was nasty!” said Mag as she spat out her disfigured eyeball and immediately popped the other one into her mouth and swiftly swallowed it without chewing.

What happened next would have made Mag’s eyes pop out if she still had them.

She gradually lost her ability to breathe as her nostrils closed up and her throat constricted. She lost her vision, couldn’t call out for help and couldn’t breathe.

She collapsed to the floor. As she was about to take her last breath before her nostrils and throat closed up completely, she heard someone say something.

In her final moments, she realized her ears didn’t close up. She used her little left strength to strain to hear what they were saying.

“…but as a coffee lover, I figured you’d love to have a coffee-induced death!”

It couldn’t have been Adelaide, could it?

~~~~~

This story was inspired by Cathy Holmes! She’s an excellent storyteller and poet, so please check out her work here!

Screenshot from Cathy's Facebook profile

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About the Creator

Dharrsheena Raja Segarran

My mental health decline brought about a lot of darkness and I embraced it. It now flows out mostly as Dark Stories and Poetry.

❤️ Erythrophile ❤️
✨️Glitteringly Savage✨️
🖤 Elegantly Disturbed Mind 🖤

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  1. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  2. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

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    Creative use of language & vocab

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    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  2. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

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    The story invoked strong personal emotions

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Comments (50)

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  • Denise E Lindquist2 months ago

    Congrats on the top story Dharrsheena!! 🎉🎉🎉 Cathy was such a perfect inspiration! Remind me not to inspire you😉😂

  • Isabella Rose3 months ago

    I love the grotesque imagery in this one. I can just imagine her smiling as the rips herself to a shredded mess. LOL.

  • Donna Fox (HKB)6 months ago

    Somehow I missed this one!! I love the name Adelaide!! Mag’s coffee habit interests me, it was also interesting how she forgot her routine for a moment there. Makes me think there is something suspicious about this coffee other than the labelling and mysterious appearance on her door step. 🤔 I like how we got to watch her evolve into an almost drunken state as she had the coffee! I think my suspicions are about to be confirmed… I was rattled when she dug her own eyes out without even battling an eye (pun intended). The imagery in this scene was horrifying and yet tantalizing! I literally read this scene my hands covering my face as though to protect my eyes (I found it so intense and eery). I love that you included a screenshot of what prompted this story! It was horribly wonderfully written!

  • Mother Combs6 months ago

    Didn't see that coming

  • Jordan Sky Daniels8 months ago

    The me at the beginning of this story làughed at myself toward the end. I really thought this story was just going to be silly fun and was so not ready for that horrifying twist and loved it all the same.

  • L.C. Schäfer10 months ago

    FOUR spoonfuls of coffee, dagnabbit, the woman is deranged! 😂

  • Roy Stevens11 months ago

    Made me laugh and cringe. Well done as always Dharrsheena!

  • Erwin Smithabout a year ago

    I'm scared of horror but I really liked your story.

  • Sarah Danaherabout a year ago

    good story, definitely was not expecting the end.

  • J. Delaney-Howeabout a year ago

    The eyeballs were a shock! I am a coffee lover too. Spooky story!

  • The Invisible Writerabout a year ago

    Omg 😱 that escalated quickly loved this story! I knew this was going to be good as soon as I read Satan Called. The eyeballs took me completely by surprise

  • Lea Springerabout a year ago

    Coffee and cats...hmmm. I'll take the coffee but not the cats so my coffee would be safe! I'm allergic to cats so who knows what would happen if we were in the same room.... funny!

  • SHRI Gabout a year ago

    Nice story

  • Donna Reneeabout a year ago

    Omg the eyeballs 🤮🤣. This was so delightfully weird. Subbed!

  • Kelly Robertsonabout a year ago

    Oh my I did not expect that ending! Nicely done! I loved it.

  • Allie Bickertonabout a year ago

    What a delightful short story!!!! I am a former Barista, and coffee is one of my main vices, so I totally understand the struggle! Coffee is like cigarettes for me. This read like watching “Shaun of the Dead”… that kind of humor makes me smile. :)

  • 👍🎯💯😉

  • Rick Henry Christopher about a year ago

    This was just too funny... Especially the eyeballs. Good stuff. Thanks Dharrsheena.

  • Mariann Carrollabout a year ago

    Amusing horror story , bravo . Greatly enjoyed 👏😁😉

  • Colleen Millsteed about a year ago

    Hahaha this is awesome my friend. I’ve no doubt Cathy loved it. Well done.

  • C. Rommial Butlerabout a year ago

    I enjoyed this as a lover of coffee and the macabre. For a real life incident that mirrors this on a larger scale, check out the 1951 mass poisoning in Pont-Saint-Esprit, France. Some folks think it was the ergot in the bread... some think it was one of the CIA's LSD experiments. Results were similar to those in your story! As a true crime aficionado, it's right up your alley!

  • This comment has been deleted

  • C. H. Richardabout a year ago

    Ewe the eyeballs! I know I would have drunk the coffee too. Very entertaining horror 🤪 Loved it!

  • Babs Iversonabout a year ago

    Awesome story telling. Horrific horror tale!!! Loving it!!!💕💖😊

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