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The Phantomic Coffee

Satan called. He wanted his coffee back

By Dharrsheena Raja SegarranPublished 18 days ago 5 min read
Photo by Jody-Rodgers on Flickr

“You’ve got to be kidding me!!!” Mag groaned because she was out of coffee.

She had always told herself to get more coffee before she finished the current stash but failed miserably every single time.

Mag’s cat, Adelaide, woke up from her beauty sleep due to the havoc Mag was wreaking in the kitchen.

Adelaide entered the kitchen and gave Mag a death stare as if to say “How dare you disturb my slumber, you old hag?!”

“Oh, I’m sorry Adelaide, I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m all out of coffee and I’d die without it!”

Adelaide’s glare never faltered. She then jumped on the kitchen counter and curled up.

“Come on, Adelaide, off the counter, please. You have your cozy little be–”, Mag was interrupted midsentence as the doorbell rang.

“God, please give my caffeine-less self the patience to deal with whoever is at my door”, muttered Mag under her breath as she slowly walked to her front door.

She opened the door and much to her annoyance, there was no one. “Those friggin’ pests, I’ll get them one day!” shouted Mag.

As she was about to close her door, she noticed a small black packet on her doorstep.

“Strange”, she thought. She didn’t order anything online.

Thinking it must be a mistake, she picked up the packet. Much to her delight, it was coffee! Someone left her a packet of instant coffee on her doorstep!

She quickly brought it into her kitchen while her mind raced with so many thoughts.

Could someone have known that she was out of coffee?

But who would want to give her a whole packet of it?

And why run away after ringing the doorbell?

Image from Pinterest

She studied the packet. It had a picture of a coffee-filled cup on it with the words ‘Instant Coffee’ above it. There was no brand. She turned the packet around and it was empty.

It didn’t have any of the mandatory information a food product is supposed to have such as the ingredients, nutritional information, manufacturing date, expiry date and country of origin.

Throwing caution to the wind, she opened the packet. She was immediately hit by a strong wave of aroma from the coffee. It smelled so good! She has never smelled coffee this wonderful.

Impatient to try this coffee and desperate for her morning caffeine fix, Mag added two spoons of coffee into her mug. She then added two more after contemplating for a second.

She poured in some hot water and was about to grab the creamer when she remembered that she’s not had breakfast yet.

Mag is weird in many ways and the way she takes her coffee is one of them. She has black coffee before breakfast and has it with creamer after breakfast.

She gave it a few stirs and inhaled the aroma before bringing the mug to her lips. She took a small sip. The taste was incredible, nothing close to the coffee that she was used to.

She took a bigger sip. The coffee felt so velvety and smooth. Apart from the taste, she could feel what the coffee was doing to her body. She could feel the emotions brimming and begging to escape.

She gave in and a smile appeared on her face. Slowly, it turned into a grin. She was happy. Happier than she had ever felt in her life.

She then took a big gulp of the coffee. Her mug was now half empty. She was now laughing and dancing around in her kitchen. Adelaide was awake and eyeing her every movement.

Finishing her last drop of coffee, Mag approached Adelaide and whispered into her ears, “I can hear my blood flowing through my body! I’m a walking, talking blood river!”

She quickly brought her hands to touch her head and said, “I can feel my hair pushing through my scalp! I’m sprouting, my head is sprouting! I’m a plant too!”

She was now giggling non-stop, “Oh Adelaide, I feel alive, I feel happy”

Image from Gfycat

“Adelaide, I can’t see you all that well suddenly”, said Mag as she rubbed her eyes. She then dug both her eyes out using her fingers.

“I don’t need eyes that can’t see, Adelaide!” said Mag triumphantly. Her eyeballs were dangling down her face by their optic nerves.

“Adelaide, look what I can do!” said Mag as she started shaking her head vigorously, causing her eyeballs to swing wildly around.

Adelaide just watched curiously, without moving a muscle. She didn’t even flinch when Mag yanked out the optic nerves from her eye sockets as if uprooting a tree.

She then popped one of the eyeballs into her mouth like it was a grape and bit into it. Slowly she chewed on it, savoured it like it was the best bubble gum ever.

“Ugh! That was nasty!” said Mag as she spat out her disfigured eyeball and immediately popped the other one into her mouth and swiftly swallowed it without chewing.

What happened next would have made Mag’s eyes pop out if she still had them.

She gradually lost her ability to breathe as her nostrils closed up and her throat constricted. She lost her vision, couldn’t call out for help and couldn’t breathe.

She collapsed to the floor. As she was about to take her last breath before her nostrils and throat closed up completely, she heard someone say something.

In her final moments, she realized her ears didn’t close up. She used her little left strength to strain to hear what they were saying.

“…but as a coffee lover, I figured you’d love to have a coffee-induced death!”

It couldn’t have been Adelaide, could it?

This story was inspired by Cathy Holmes! She’s an excellent storyteller and poet, so please check out her work here!

Screenshot from Cathy's Facebook profile

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About the Creator

Dharrsheena Raja Segarran

I'm a Certified Nutritionist 🌱 and these are what I mostly write:
〰️ Fiction (Horror/Thriller)
〰️ Non-Fiction (Nutrition and True Crime)
〰️ Poetry

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Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

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    Well-structured & engaging content

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    Writing reflected the title & theme

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    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  2. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

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    The story invoked strong personal emotions

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Comments (37)

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  • Kelly Robertsona day ago

    Oh my I did not expect that ending! Nicely done! I loved it.

  • Allie Bickerton6 days ago

    What a delightful short story!!!! I am a former Barista, and coffee is one of my main vices, so I totally understand the struggle! Coffee is like cigarettes for me. This read like watching “Shaun of the Dead”… that kind of humor makes me smile. :)

  • 👍🎯💯😉

  • This was just too funny... Especially the eyeballs. Good stuff. Thanks Dharrsheena.

  • Mariann Carroll14 days ago

    Amusing horror story , bravo . Greatly enjoyed 👏😁😉

  • Hahaha this is awesome my friend. I’ve no doubt Cathy loved it. Well done.

  • I enjoyed this as a lover of coffee and the macabre. For a real life incident that mirrors this on a larger scale, check out the 1951 mass poisoning in Pont-Saint-Esprit, France. Some folks think it was the ergot in the bread... some think it was one of the CIA's LSD experiments. Results were similar to those in your story! As a true crime aficionado, it's right up your alley!

  • This comment has been deleted

  • C. H. Richard15 days ago

    Ewe the eyeballs! I know I would have drunk the coffee too. Very entertaining horror 🤪 Loved it!

  • Babs Iverson16 days ago

    Awesome story telling. Horrific horror tale!!! Loving it!!!💕💖😊

  • Kali Mailhot16 days ago

    Oh my the horror! I lived every moment up until then as if I was drinking the coffee. I speed-read through the horror part so it was definitely good. I don’t think I need a coffee after that spike of adrenaline!!! Lol

  • Martin Thomas 16 days ago

    I live coffe

  • I loved it! Horrifying and funny at the same time! Also, "her eyes would pop out if she still had them" might've been the best line!

  • Jason Basaraba16 days ago

    I think Cathy should be careful fir what she wishes for. Lol. Great story, took a turn I wasn’t expecting

  • Thavien Yliaster17 days ago

    The coffee wasn't just evil in its own right, it made Mag delusional. Goodness, it was like the coffee made her incapable of feeling pain while also making her blind. Probably wasn't an allergic reaction either. Wouldn't surprise me if it was poisonous like "the strangler" that was used to kill Joffrey Baratheon. Still, I'm surprised that she didn't start panicking when she lost her sight instead of acting overjoyed. In my opinion, it would make sense if there was quite a lot of brain altering drugs. Plus, the voice in the background makes me want to wonder if the coffee was just poisonous or possibly even possessed. In all honesty I wonder what the police and her family would think (that is if she has family members and wasn't targeted for being lonely) when her body is reported to be found dead.

  • Rayn B17 days ago

    I love the blend of horror and comedy! You’re amazing

  • Wonderfully bizarre. You write horror with the "Uck." I enjoyed reading that.

  • Hazel Rymell 17 days ago

    Weirdly this made me laugh in disbelief in what I was reading! Thankfully I don't like coffee, preferring tea... I do like this story though!

  • Colt Henderson17 days ago

    Loved this. I could have used more gore, but that's just me.

  • Dana Stewart17 days ago

    This one snuck up on me, very well written! Congrats on Top Story!

  • Oooh dear , I drink a lot of coffee, great take and deserved Top Story

  • Scott Wade17 days ago

    Awesome story. Love the detail and the surprise horror. I just set my cup of coffee down and staring at it. My cats, Fabian and Ella, are watching me suspiciously. You may have just saved my life. Loved the story. Congrats on Top Story Princess ❤️

  • Tiffany Gordon 18 days ago

    Congratulations! I had a feeling that this masterpiece would receive a Top Story honor! Very Well-deserved! BRAVO Shee! 😊

  • Keila Aartila18 days ago

    This was gross, but a fun story! Good job, and congrats on your Top Story!

  • Cathy holmes18 days ago

    Congrats, my wonderfully insane friend. All hail to Satan's coffee!

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