Stay

The mirror showed a reflection that wasn’t my own; pale gray skin, darkened blood stained chapped lips with a blueish color present as if she was deprived of oxygen. Droplets of water roll from her face as her sunken eyes blankly stare into what seems like my soul. The feeling of despair resonated from the depths of her dark eyes, sending waves of fear through me as goosebumps rose to cover every inch of my skin. I’d been through this many times before except this moment felt more real than any of the other times. I blink once but she’s still there, loud in silence. I blink again, this time rubbing my eyes as I count to three before reopening them. “Yes, it worked.” I sighed with relief. It’s the only trick that my mother taught me as a child that actually works. I stared into the mirror several minutes longer, wondering was my mind playing tricks on me or is it some creepy stuff going on. Something felt off but I couldn’t wrap my finger around it. I took a final look at the mirror before turning off the light and walking to my bedroom.

Sleep had not come around so easily as I lay wide eyed in the dark, lost in thought as images of the lady from the mirror replayed in my mind. A pool of darkness surrounded her, making her stand out the most as her expression gave way to something much deeper. She wore an outfit that I was fond of and had worn in the past as if she and I were familiar with one another. When sleep had finally succeeded, the dark clouds were already departing, making way for morning.

Several days would pass, each the same; I spent some time throughout those days standing at the bathroom’s mirror hoping to see that woman again. I yelled at the mirror and even pretended as if it weren’t there in hopes of the lady showing herself again, to no avail. The thought of her reappearing when I least suspect it tormented me more than actually seeing her.

An entire month had passed before she would resurface. The day had gone by smoothly but the night had rolled in with a roar. I lay awake scrolling through my phone for the latest gossip of celebrities, suddenly startled by the sound of running water. I quickly turned the volume down to eagerly listen, I wanted to be sure I was really hearing what I thought I heard. In that moment, it felt as if I was losing a grip on reality; Everything felt as if I was dreaming.

I quickly cast the comforter away before standing from bed to explore the phenomenon. It felt as if I floated with each step. Glimpses of cream colored walls surround the unfamiliar room that keeps taking up space in my mind. “Keep it together, Layla.” I mumble. Alarms and a constant beeping continuously plague my ears. I could’ve sworn it sounded as if someone was speaking through a speaker but I’m not sure. In the meantime, I continued to the bathroom. I stopped at the entrance, transfixed on the lady from the mirror creepily standing there, inside the mirror as though she had been expecting my company. Blinking to make her disappear had not crossed my mind at that moment. I felt drawn to her in a weird way. Maybe I’d come across her before. She seemed familiar, too familiar. Our faces were exactly the same except she looked physically traumatized. How I missed this the first time I’d seen her is beyond me. Upon entering the bathroom, a familiar scent of antiseptic and lysol invades my senses. The bathroom no longer held the warmth that I remembered but instead a coolness.

The lady in the mirror made eye contact with me for a split second before she climbed out of the mirror at lightning speed. The hairs on my neck stood static while fear manipulated my movement; kept me planted where I stood. Broken shards of the mirror’s glass float in the space before me as if gravity doesn’t exist. Each piece held a memory that captured my attention. “What is this?” I asked aloud. The shards of glass fell to the floor as the reflection of memories transferred unto me. The stranger with my face held my hands in hers as all things surrounding us faded and a white flash happened before my eyes as we barked upon a journey that would seal fate's deal.

We walked up a dark street and stopped at the corner of a four way traffic light that I drove through a million times. I stood by as a bystander to watch myself as I drove through the lights after they’d turned green. I watched the horror on my face as a diesel sped through the red light, smashing right into me. It seemed to go in slow motion as the jeep that I was driving spun around onto the side of the road. The glass pierced through my skin, the airbag broke my neck, the tire rod pierced through my right leg, and the diesel never stopped. I frantically ran down the street to see myself. Particles of my truck lay scattered throughout the road, dark smoke flees from the hood and the back end of the truck.

I drop to my knees as I observe the scene. “Somebody help me!” I yell out.

Suddenly we’re standing over the same stranger with my face as she lay in the hospital’s bed with monitors beeping, bandages covering a fair percentage of her body, and a neck brace. Some of my family sat out in the waiting room, filled with worry. It didn’t occur to me that the stranger was me and I am her until that very moment. Maybe it’s a struggle between life and death; that place in between that I thought for so long didn’t exist. My parents who hadn’t gotten along for many years sat together holding hands as they prayed for my well being. My siblings sat quietly, not knowing how to really handle the situation. I sat next to them, wanting so badly to hug them and tell them that I was okay but that was impossible.

Again, I walk into another moment of my life, except I had not seen this before.

I stood in the pew, watching my dad getting baptized. Rory and Lonna sat with their significant others and my mom was nowhere in sight, apparently some time had passed. I then reappear in my bathroom, watching myself spill pills into my mouth as I gulp a cup of liquor. A phone ringing in the background was gaining my attention but I proceeded to sabotage my health, my mind. “What am I doing to myself? “Why?” I began backing away from the bathroom to follow the sound of the phone. “Hello?” I speak into the receiver. “Wake up Connie, I will always love you. I am here even if you can’t see me. Everything will be alright,” the soft voice says. I recognized the voice, it’s my mom.

The beeping of the monitors had increased as someone called out for help. Everything had become a blur. It felt as if I had been submerged into a body of cold water. Refreshing. Anew. The feeling of nausea rose as reality had come into view. I opened my eyes to the shining eyes of my dad and my siblings. Lena, my mom had donated her liver and heart so that I may live.

Everything that happened in between this world and another, I chose to stay.