Regrettable Actions

Throughout my relatively short and unsurprisingly disappointing, and therefore depressing life, which has been overrun with endless rejection, horrific abuse, childhood abandonment, neglect and a life of a hundred and one broken, empty promises, I have been physically and mentally broken and scarred, routinely beaten and left for dead far too many times before; I have, very almost, once or twice failed, but have always managed to pull myself back from the brink- the brink of institutionalisation and having my sadness taken away with medication and electricity: but I have always prided myself in being kind, caring and stopping others experiencing what I've had to go through, keeping a positive attitude towards others, and never before have I ever had to mistreat or cause damage to someone else for my own gain.

Never before have I had to hurt anyone at all, especially not anyone who I loved. Until today, today I had to make the impossibly difficult move- the heart wrenching decision to hurt the most important person to me.

Elodie had been there since I had entered the foster system at 4 years old, seeing me through all of my darkest moments and helping pick me back up when I couldn't do it alone. Elodie had watched me reach my highest highs and lowest lows in the past 16 years, taking me under her wing when she was just 7 years old, finding me crying in a cupboard of the children's home I was first put into when my mother surrendered me to the state after beating me every day since my father left us, for a life on the road with groupies and prostitutes rather than his own wife, when I was just two and a half years old; my mother had blamed me for that, and that is all I remember of her- beatings and blame for something I couldn't understand let alone control.

Elodie had helped me with school work, essays and applications to college, sharing in my joy when I was accepted into my dream school, and then sharing in my broken-hearted dejection when they retracted my offer of a place in the course. Together, we got out into the world of work and saved up as much as we could to find a home of our own, outside of the sad and heavy world of children's homes; we lived in a cute two bedroom cottage on the edge of town; reduced in price for the need of maintenance and fixing, but between the two of us, and a couple of friends we had made along the way, we got it liveable and made it our own.

Today, I had to break Elodie's heart, more than anyone could have ever done or could ever do again. Elodie's heart would be shattered forever and I would regret my decision for the rest of my life, if I could even live with it anymore. I had to turn Elodie's world upside down to get myself into the most prestigious University in the world of Scientific Endeavours and Engineering, I had no choice but to use her to push myself ahead of the hundreds of other young adults applying to the University. I had to tell her story for my entrance essay, and I had to tell her before she finds out any other way. Before anyone who would read it could work out who the essay was about, I couldn't leave her with no preparation for defence. I had to write about how she had destroyed our old Home Manager's life to protect the other children in the home, herself and the rest of the staff who worked there.

Less than a year before Elodie would be sent to a halfway house, where over 18's who grew up in the foster system or a children's home where housed while they were at college, university or trying to get on their feet in the working world before getting a place of their own, she was forced to endure an impossibly difficult and dangerous event that has changed her outlook of the world. While helping out in the kitchen with the house chef, Elodie overheard the Chef's Assistant and Home Manager speaking about a new child that would be coming to our home.

The home would be looking after a teenager who was brand new to the system, an orphan of 15 years old whose parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins had all perished in a colossal estate fire, while the newbie was out for the night at a friends house. The Home Manager, who had always been a little insensitive to our feelings and past, joked at the situation, she was poking fun at the teen's newly found fear of fire and being away from home, sneered at their name- both first and family name, before explaining their dietary needs with the Chef's Assistant, which is all they should have needed to know, not all of the mockery.

The new kid, by the name of Allesandriana Joanhar, who would later allow us to call her by her nickname of Alles, had a lot of dietary needs, some for medical reasons and allergies, some for religious reasons and some due to sensitivities due to Autism. Allesandriana was not allowed Beef, Shellfish, Grapes, Mushrooms or Direct Dairy due to medical or religious reasons, and she would not touch Strawberries, Raspberries, any type of Bean, Lentil or Pea and Turkey due to her sensitivities with her Autism. The Chef and Chef's Assistant took note of this and allocated a separate menu for Allesandriana, as well as a separate snack shelf in the pantry and shelf in the smaller fridge for her food.

As Alles became comfortable within the home, with the rest of us children and most of the staff, the Home Manager began causing issue with her food, drink and room. The Home Manager began sneaking in foods she could not or should not have had into her meals, watching for reactions both physical and mental within Alles- the Home Manager would watch as hives appeared on Alles' body, she would become breathless and fatigued at the table, leaving the Chef to have to provide medical care almost on a weekly basis. Within two months, Alles had gone through thirteen sets of Epi-Pens and had to be taken to hospital each and every time, leaving her alone with just the Home Manager, returning from the hospital, exhausted and covered with bruises, scratches and scrapes that she did not leave with.

Elodie, myself and two other children had found her huddled in her room on numerous occasions, reporting everything she had told us to staff at the home, but nothing seemed to happen. Elodie reached boiling point when all of the staff didn't show up in the morning to release the night team, with the night team and us only being told that their contracts had been breached and therefore ended with immediate effect. A bunch of agency staff were pulled in to release the night staff and they too were promptly fired for the same reason.

That same day, Alles had the biggest and most dangerous reaction to her food yet, her Epi-Pens both didn't touch her reaction, she was rushed away in an ambulance and the agency staff were incredibly shocked at the situation. Elodie called one of the old staff and the police to our home, and we were told what had really happened. All of the staff team had been fired because one of them had reported the Home Manager to the authorities and the Home Manager was angry so had got rid of everyone, so that she could continue in her mistreatment of Alles and the rest of us. Everything was laid out in front of them, all evidence was shown and told to the police officer, who had arrived shortly after the staff member had explained the firing situation, and they promptly arrested the Home Manager as soon as she stepped onto the home premises with Alles.

Elodie, the staff and all children who had been mistreated by the Home Manager, testified against her in court and along with the physical evidence piled against her, she was sentenced to 30 years in prison for multiple counts against children. All of the staff who had been fired were reinstated and a new Home Manager was designated from one of the staff who had been at the Home since before even Elodie had been there. While in prison, the old Home Manager was beaten brutally, stabbed, spat on, almost killed and left paralysed by other prisoners for her cruel and torturous treatment of children.

Elodie always felt it was because of her that the Home Manager ended up like that, but I had always told her, and so had everyone else who knows, that it was the Home Managers fault and no one else's. And today, I had to tell her, more people now know about what had happened.

"Elodie, I have to tell you something." I said, knocking on her door. There was no answer, but I could hear an old TV show she had already seen a hundred times before, muffled coming through her door, knowing I wouldn't interrupt anything, I twisted the door handle and gently pushed the door open "Elodie, we need to talk about my University."

I saw her laying on her side on her bed, with her eyes slowly fluttering closed, that's when I realised what she had done. I saw the blood pools on her bedding, a small trail gliding down her wrists to the sheets. "Elodie, no, what have you done?" I shouted at her, grabbing a towel that was hanging on her bed post and wrapping my hands around her wrists with the towel over the cuts. "Wake up, Elodie. You need to wake up." I called an ambulance and cried, pleading for my best friend, my sister to wake up. Through my blurred eyes, I saw something that had fallen to the floor. It was my University Application Letter, along with a printed copy of my Application Essay, she'd found it. She'd read it. It was damp in spots where she had cried reading and leaving a small note at the end of it.

I can't believe you told. I hate you, Bonnie. You didn't have to tell this to get into University.

The siren of the ambulance wailed as it pulled in front of our cottage, I heard slamming and knocking at the front door. I shouted with a wavering voice "In the back room, doors open, quickly, please." The paramedics began to work on my best friend as I moved out of their way; I can't believe I did this. All for a spot in a University that would probable turn me down.