Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Invasion' (2007)

SPOILERS!!!

James Bond saves the world from an invasion of pod people. Not really, but I feel that would also make a really great movie...

Is it really a spoiler to say this is a take on Invasion of the Body Snatchers where (like the TV show The Strain), they look at a pod people invasion from the perspective of a viral outbreak? I mean, in principle, this is an amazing concept which made The Strain worth watching (only for the first seasons). Unlike The Strain, which simulates a vampire epidemic over multiple episodes, The Invasion only has an hour and a half which basically means they had to 'spoon feed the villain.'

I mean, the very first thing that happens is they infect the director of the CDC. Really? Just like that. Some infected tart wanders up TO THE FUCKING DIRECTOR OF THE CDC AND HANDS HIM A FUCKING PIECE OF INFECTED DEBRIS!!! Come the fuck on! I get it, it's hard to have respect for American bureaucracy, especially with our current political climate, but if a 12-year-old girl wandered up to the director of the CDC, holding forth a piece of a exploded shuttle THAT EVERYONE-THE-FUCK-THERE KNOWS IS INFECTED, she wouldn't make it within 10 steps of the man. She'd be tackled to the ground by men in hazmat suits, begged and tagged, then dragged off to Area 51. Her very existence would be sealed off from the public. American's are heartless fucking monsters, we're not completely fucking daft. Get it right!

But I get it, the movie has to go on, and unlike Puppet Masters which had the foresight to begin the story months into the invasion, The Invasion, needed a ground up approach to work out the very CDC premise. But did it have to 'deus ex invasion?' It could just as easily montaged infected humans building up the ranks to get at the director.

Any-fucking-who, AND THE AWARD FOR WORST CHILD ACTOR OF ... FOREVER, Jackson Bond and his role as the inexplicably bright, and plucky, child of a broken home with a mother who is clearly very career oriented. I mean, I guess it's possible, but after his second scene, I began fantasizing about something from the movie just wiping the smirk off his face. BUT IT NEVER FUCKING SEEMS TO HAPPEN! The kid goes beyond that Silent Hill girl. I mean, I feel like this may have ruined his career forever. Update on that, it's been nine years and his glam photo is still him from The Invasion. That can't be a good sign. Update on that update. He’s recently worked in a few films, though his glam shot is still from The Invasion now 12 years ago.

And what the actual fuck was with the bullshit moral to this story? "You could have peace and tranquility, but, we'll have to murder millions of people to do it." Excuse me? What? “Look, you don't get peace and tranquility without murdering a few million Jews, I mean Gypsies, I mean Aborigines, I mean, fuck ... where's the moral here?" Every invading force in the history of man has always offered the better way. Them's ain't morals. Them's just the second coming of the same old invading force. What proliferates as the new way will just be another version of the same old manifest destiny. Fuck. That.

Look, this movie is worth a watch, if anything for hard core riffers. Really, the concept is brilliant, just poorly executed. Watch this, Puppet Masters, and Invasion of the Body Snatchers (original and remake). They're kind of a requirement of horror.