Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Starry Eyes' (2014)

Okay, I didn't hate it but I really didn't see what the big fucking deal was. I mean, what have critics been raving about? This is basically just Contracted but even more rape-y.

You know what, we need to talk about the strange rape-y nature that seems to be taking over horror as a genre. Back in the days we used to make fun of horror movies that depended on rape as a premise. They weren't taken seriously and hence died off. But they're making a comeback and we really need to knock that shit the fuck off, and fast! Graphic depictions of rape really just aren't necessary to promote good horror. It's like the difference between real fear and a cheap jump scare. Real fear is the ever-lingering sensation that something is right behind you, like you can feel it on the back of your neck. The pressure is building in your spine, and you want to turn around, but you're so damn terrified you can't. Sexual misconduct can be implied, but it's never needed beyond a sense of dread and helplessness. We don't need a full on "get mouth fucked by the demon scene" in any movie. It's time for horror to do a little falling back on its old cred. It needs that shit now more than ever.

I digress. This movie has already been done before. It did have a better main actress, and it didn't have her playing some lame "college lesbian" to distract from the real movie, but it wasn't sufficiently better and it still had similar faults, if not the same. The acting was pretty mellow dramatic though. Not bad, just a bit angsty. At times, it could be a touch obnoxious.

I don't know, I don't feel like I can recommend either movie but I guess I can say I liked this better than Contracted. So, if you haven't seen either, and want to choose, pick this one and skip the other.

SPOILERS!!!

"What if vampires recruited with casting calls..." Okay, that's interesting but does it really have to be the porn casting couch? Come the fuck on man, you could have achieved the exact same thing without having to stoop to that level. Vampires looking for a woman who is willing to sacrifice it all, let it all go, in the name of her stardom. The idea is satanic, fantastic, and when you throw a vampire cult into the mix, should be extraordinary, all by itself. So, someone please explain to me why a being that is ageless and hungers for blood needs a blowjob so damn bad that he's willing to coerce some poor starving actress for one. I figured he'd try to get her to do some really fucked up shit, like go on a hobo killing spree, or bring him a trophy, like the hand of a rival actress. You know, something horrific, not pornographic.

But you see what I'm saying? I have plenty of spank material that doesn't need to be invading my horror movies. This movie really could have been quite fantastic. They just pick at the main character and corrupt her more and more until she kills her friends in the name of joining the vampire cult. That's all they had to do to stay on this side of brilliant.

So no, I can't fucking recommend this movie, and do you know what? I won't recommend another movie that relies on rape as its central theme. Horror needs to put that one back in the box where it fucking belongs, and this time, fucking permanently.