Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Shellmont County Massacre' (2019)

I'll give them this, for an independent film that was made with zero budget, they had the right idea. Actually, for a brief moment, they bordered on brilliance. I really wish they'd seen the movie inside their movie, and developed that instead. I'll have to get to that in the spoilers, but suffice to say, it was a really solid moment in what was otherwise a generic slasher. It proves they can do better.

The first major issue was the pacing. The first ten minutes of the movie felt like a bloody hour. Throughout the movie, they spent far too long on moments with the lead cast just emoting and talking about the plot. Sure there's important exposition to cover, but they could've done this in a few short scenes, making the rest feel like padding. Being succinct with dialogue is extremely important for pacing.

Honestly, I feel like there was only really about 45 minutes of a good movie, and the rest just dragged it out to feature length. That's a common mistake for a lot of independents. There's this pressure to pop out a proper feature length film when 30 or 45 minutes is actually just fine.

So, the killer and the plot was pretty generic, but that's okay. Simple can be key for independents to operate. And these people were pretty clever. The practical FX weren't half bad. Certainly no amateur stuff, which did impress me. The problem is, if you have a generic killer, you've gotta push it. Let's look at Michael Myers. It's just a guy in a Shatner mask after all. But look what they did with that generic slasher. Now, Mister Giggles, the Butcher, has some pretty fun kills. Without getting into the spoilers though, the second was kinda the best, and after that, the rest seem lame until the end.

It's like Terrifier with Art the Clown. Art's best kill is the famous bisection scene. This happens mid movie, meaning Art jumps the shark with half the movie left to go. It kills half the fun of watching a slasher. Our laughing butcher did the same.

One thing I'll say, while my wife and I honestly got pretty bored during the movie, there was a ton of riff-worthy moments. We started quipping lines from Letterkenny, usually mocking the general rednecky nature of the characters. If you can find any entertainment in an independent movie, its effectively done its job.

So? Get a bunch of your friends, get good and liquored up, order a pizza, and riff the crap out of this movie.

SPOILERS!!!

I really feel like it would be a complete tragedy not to point out the amazing movie hidden inside this otherwise generic movie. The giggly butcher starts off the movie by killing the wife and son of this one poor fellow. Near the end of the movie, the butcher tries to car jack him with no idea who it is. This guy figures out who the butcher is and manages to get the upper hand. He knocks the butcher out, ties his ass down in a garage, and tortures the fuck out of him.

Here, right fucking here, is an amazing story. This slasher kills his family, the cops ham-fisted detective work tries to pin it on him. He becomes riddled with grief from his loss and guilt from cheating on his wife. He knows the killer is out there murdering people in the most brutal way and feel helpless to do anything about it, likely doubting the cops to be much help. Then BAM! by a stroke of luck the killer is delivered to him. The whole time these ham-fisted cops are trying to stick to their principles and want to bring this killer in. When this guy tortures and kills the butcher, they're forced to kill him or take him in. That is a powerful and fucked up story.

Do they let the guy go and just let it be a town secret? Does the guy eat a bullet rather than go down for killing the butcher? Do the cops shoot him trying to take him in? Do they manage to bring him in? Does he go insane, kill the cops, and get away, only to become the killer now? Do you see the potential here?

For one moment this movie bordered on true brilliance and they deserve some serious credit for that. I frankly would like to see what these guys are capable of next.