Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Night of the Comet' (1984)

My god, this movie is so fucking bad. Every damn thing is wrong with it. I mean, they didn't get a damn thing right. So why do I love it so much?

SPOILERS!!!

The plot meanders. It's all over the damn place. The cast has to basically murder their way through a colorful list of post-apocalyptic assholes. That's not bad, but it doesn't really go anywhere. The overarching plot is that this government organization wants to capture the cast and turn them into blood cows, milking them for all their blood. Basically, everything that happens between point A and point B is just the random dumb shit going on after the apocalypse. I mean, that totally makes sense, but it sorta ignores the plot the whole time this is happening. There's even a scene where one of the government agents is supposed to kill one of the main characters and then just doesn't for some reason, and then kills herself. Like, fucking what?

They basically leave the ending completely up in the air. Technically the main characters are all gonna turn into zombies, then slowly disintegrate into dust. So even though the main characters don't get turned into blood cows, say it with me now, technically THERE WERE NO SURVIVORS!!!

The acting is BAD and the characters are fucking annoying. It's a classic pack of totally 80's himbos and bimbos. They might as well cast it with Saved By the Bell (1989). I mean, all it needed was an annoying Skreach-like sidekick. Though, the acting is technically good enough for horror by 80's standards. This is, of course, just shy of good enough for porno. I'm talking worse than Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982). It's just barely better than Neon Maniacs (1986) and the production quality is the same.

And let's talk about the production quality. This must have been shot on the same budget as an after-school special. I mean, they must have blown every red cent on paying for the permits to clear the streets of a major metropolitan area because what they had left clearly didn't leave them with enough money for the rest of the movie. There are basically whole sets without any real props. Not to mention the zombie costumes are about as generic as you can get. I mean, say what you want about the budget for They Live (1988), at least they put effort into their costumes.

But you know what all three of the previously mentioned 80's movies also have in common apart from being fucking TERRIBLE? They're all also somehow awesome. We love them in their poorly produced, campy, weirdly 80's selves. And why is that? What about them is so damn fun to watch? Every one is a little different as to why, but for this movie, it's the little things. The fact that the plot meanders because the main characters spend their time after the apocalypse screwing around. Society colapsed, everyone is gone, you'd fuck around too. The bad acting and anoying characters are all a part of that. The survivors aren't going to be the best of us. They'd most likely be the common American slob. And the terrible acting is just icing on the cake for the silly characters. They somehow fit so perfectly with the setting you just grow to love them.

Then there's the completely senseless violence wich we all love. Hell, you wouldn't really be watching this trash if you didn't love senseless violence. Even the bad zombie costumes are so rediculous they're fucking great. It's silly, it's hammy, and it's just fucking fun. You can Riff this movie, or just sit back and enjoy the pure ridiculousness of a cheerleader with a Mini Uzi.

So, yeah, I absolutely recommend this silly little movie. You gotta love the bad ones to want to watch it. Basically, Riffers only as even tons of Hardcore Horror Heads don't like this classic gem. But if you're into that sort of nonsense, then you'll love this.