Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Crimes of the Future' (2022)

This was not a horror movie. This was a fucking Nine Inch Nails' music video. This was also everything Panos Cosmatos wishes he could create. Now, if we're doing Cronenberg, we know damn good and well shit is about to get weird. But like all artistic masturbation, are we really connecting, are we hitting the mark, or are we just jerking ourselves off? You know, this movie even made a point to ask that ironically, which I think is the brilliance of Cronenberg. Sure he has something to say, but he's also just as willing to admit he's jerking himself off.

But I gotta tell you, I just loved everything about this movie. It's freaky, weird, sexual, violent, gross, and just plain good old-fashioned fun.

The atmosphere was everything in this movie. Everything from the sets to the props to the use of color and sound. Of course, it has to be. The atmosphere needs to solicit a visceral response when the body horror starts. Yeah, we wanna be weird and gross, but if we can't immerse the audience, none of that will hit home and it'll just be silly, like a Troma film. I gotta tell you, Cronenberg must have seen the script and realized it was the movie basically meant for him. Everything about the premise and plot screams Cronenberg and his execution does it the justice it really needed.

The acting is also fantastic but honestly, it could have fallen firmly into "good enough for horror" and the plot and atmosphere would have carried it. Seriously, it's that good. And might I also add that Kristen Stewart does what is probably the best performance of her life.

Now I can't recommend this movie to everyone. Even hardcore horror heads might honestly be bored, even with all the titties and violence. You need to be able to appreciate artistic masturbation for what it is and being a huge Cronenberg fan certainly won't hurt. But if you think you can stomach it, and sit through it, definitely give it a try.

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SPOILERS!!!

So, what are the crimes of the future? Same as the crimes of the past and the present; being different. This takes place in the future and some of humanity started growing new organs. As it stands, these organs are considered malignant and are removed before they make the host sick. The male lead is one such individual and he's turned his weird organ removal into performance art. Every organ is then tattooed and cataloged by a secret organization that monitors these people. And if you don't have these organs removed? You're basically considered a freak and hunted down by said government institution. This is, of course, a clear metaphor for any vulnerable community in real life. This is something most of them have dealt with, from Jewish communities to the LGBTQAI.

And as it turns out, these organs are, in fact, not malignant. They are the next step in human evolution. If you let them grow and have several extremely invasive surgeries, the new organs begin to function. The result is that you can now basically eat toxic waste. This is extremely helpful considering the whole of society is now in a state of decay, likely from unchecked human impact. Being able to eat plastic could seriously come in handy considering it's now everywhere.

What can I say, that's just fucking neat. I highly recommend giving this movie a chance. It's definitely not for everyone, but it certainly deserves its day in court.