"Night Teeth" REVIEW

There's something wrong with the two passengers in Benny's car. They've hired him to be their chauffeur overnight, and they seem a little bit off even before Benny finds their bag of bloody money. And is there something wrong with their teeth? Maybe, maybe.

The two women are explicit about Benny's job: he will drive them to a list of locations (and they're insistent that it has to be completed before dawn), and he will wait in the car. There's a problem for them, though. Unknown to them, Benny has picked up one of the jewels that provide access to their underground world, and Benny follows them into one of their destinations.

And wouldn't you know it: he finds them sucking the blood out of the throats of two humans.

One part Collateral, one part Vampires vs the Bronx, Night Teeth begins with a great premise. Unknown to the vast majority of humans, the vampires are engaged in a power-struggle. Benny's passengers are killers employed by one of the factions, and their job is to topple the existing power structure in one night. And picking Benny was no mere coincidence--even though Benny is ignorant of all of this, he has a vital role in their story.

The movie begins with explicit exposition bringing the audience up to speed for this urban fantasy version of L.A. It's stylish, but that ends up feeling a bit like adding a layer of gloss to Star Wars' iconic opening crawl. This choice reveals a lot about the priorities governing Night Teeth. There is no slow build of tension as we realise that Benny's passengers are vampires. The audience already knows. The movie told us. We're just waiting for Benny to catch up. The world-building about the vampire power struggle? Rather than introducing that organically, key details are just stated in the opening sequence.

This isn't necessarily bad, however. It just demonstrates that this isn't a horror movie. It's a thriller. The sort of revelations that make horror fun and tense are not what interests this particular movie, so it gets that all out of the way by just stating it all up-front. There are vampires, there are rules the vampires have to follow, off you go.

Valuable pages of the script don't need to be spent introducing the world of vampires carefully, so those pages can be spent on action. This only becomes a problem when the action is consistently uninteresting.

One of the most visually interesting sequences comes when the vampires have been ambushed by vampire hunters, but they're saved by another character. While the camera watches a human move in slow-motion, the vampires continue at normal pace, revealing their inherent superiority to the humans who are trying to kill them. It's a nice scene, except for the fact that it doesn't make any sense. After all, the character who has become their saviour? He's not their ally. All of his problems would be solved if he just let the ambush play out, but for reasons that the movie hasn't bothered to depict visually, he's chosen to help the vampires in this scene. (One of the murderous vampires is really cute, after all, and this guy has developed a crush. Apparently it's strong enough for him to risk his own death in order to save the murderous vampire)

Or take those vampire hunters, for instance. They're introduced without much explanation, and they really only appear whenever the movie needs them to. They force the plot along, and then they disappear for extended sequences when the plot no longer needs them. Could they be interesting? Sure. Are they interesting? No.

The initial premise (that is, Collateral with hot vampires) has potential, but the movie never figures out how to translate that potential into something actually interesting, so the potential is all wasted. Character relationships don't make sense. Allegiances and rivalries don't make sense. The fundamental logic of the world seems shaky since it's built around a premise that feels fake. We're told that this peace with the vampires has lasted for a hundred years, but we're also shown that it's so fragile that it can be completely overthrown in one night. So which is it? Fragile enough to topple, or sturdy enough to last a century?

All of this is best typified by Megan Fox's character. After the opening credits inform you that Megan Fox is in this movie, you spend a decent chunk of the movie without seeing her. Finally, she's introduced as one of the villain's rival vampires. She scolds the villain for violating the rules, and after an extended conversation, the villain reveals that he's going to try to kill her and her partner. The camera cuts away, and when it returns to the villain we see that the surrounding area is now covered in blood.

Would it have been fun to watch these rival vampires (who are supposed to be absurdly powerful) fight? Yes. Would it have helped to establish the villain's power, building the stakes for later in the movie? Yes. Would it have provided a reason to include an actress like Megan Fox in the role? Yes.

Instead, the movie does just barely enough to list Megan Fox in the opening credits and calls it a day.

Night Teeth is wasted potential all the way down.

"Night Teeth" is available via Netflix. If you're interested in a fun supernatural flick that actually lives up to its potential this Halloween season, check out "Werewolves Within."