Faces in the Mirror

The mirror showed a reflection that wasn't my own. The images are swirling amidst a deep fog that dances across the mirror’s circumference. Shapes form and reform never fully materializing. My face isn’t there. I watch in fascination as the swirling slows and an image begins to form. My pulse races and I feel a penetrating fear deep in my gut. I don’t want to see this. Ice cold horror pumps through my veins as a face begins to surface. I cover my eyes and briefly peak through my fingers, quickly slamming those slits into another reality closed. Backing slowly from the bathroom, I turn to run. My feet feel mired in quicksand sucking me down, down, down. Each step is painful and slow. My heart pounds in my ears as I struggle to gain traction.

Once I am safe and my legs are no longer trembling, I call Dr. Boudreaux. He listened to the half-hysterical story and made the appropriate soothing sounds as I cried through my tears.

“I think it wants to get me. There could be more than one.”

Dr. Boudreaux listened patiently as I stumbled through the tale of horror and wailed with despair. I felt so alone. I heard his deep sigh on the other end of the phone.

“I think this is a side-effect of your medication. It can cause hallucinations.”, he said. “I’m going to make an appointment for you. We can investigate changing your prescription. In the meantime, go to bed. Get some rest. And stay out of the bathroom.”

Despite Dr. Boudreaux’s order to stay out of the bathroom, I couldn’t resist one final look before going to bed. The room looked normal, pristine and somewhat sterile under the bright lights. What I glimpsed in the mirror was an image of my scared face and trembling hands. I turned silently and flipped off the light switch. Crawling into bed, I snuggled under the blankets and was out before my mind had the opportunity to fixate on the day.

I wake to the oppressive feeling of being folded in cotton, terror clawing at my throat. My heart is thumping like a rabbit as I stare hypnotically at the bathroom door. The light is shining like a beacon and a sibilant whisper fills the space at a molecular level. The silky-smooth sound is seductively low and beckoning. Part of me longs to confront the undulating shadow moving from the bathroom to the bedroom, but I am frozen…staring in horrified fixation as the shadow forms from wispy, smokey fragments to a solid, repulsive snake. It winds its way forward, its voice filling the room and I am puzzled by the words it speaks.

“Look at yourself and your lustful ways.” It hisses. “Come and enjoy the pleasures I offer.”

My vision narrows to a pinpoint of light. I want to scream but my throat fills with the cotton-like substance of suffocation.

“It isn’t confined to the mirror.” My voice is shaking heavily as I tell Dr. Boudreaux what occurred.

He gives me a skeptical look from beneath bushy eyebrows.

“You are manifesting severe side-effects. I’m going to change your prescription to another and see if that helps.”

She watches as he scribbles furiously on his notepad. He doesn’t believe me. I can see it written on his face. After all, who would believe there are shadow snakes floating out of mirrors and becoming real?

There is something just beneath the surface. Something hiding behind his eyes. He usually comes across with boyish charm showing the dimples framing his mouth, chuckling at her jokes, and calling her cher.

“Take this, cher, and keep track of the dreams. Perhaps a theme will emerge that we can use to track down what is bothering you. Keep in mind, the brain regurgitates information in dreams. Sometimes it means something and sometimes it doesn’t. I think this dream is the result of an extreme reaction to your medication.” He smiled guilelessly.

I took the proffered prescription and stood to leave. Dr. Boudreaux rounded his desk and enveloped her in a huge bear hug.

“Hang in there, cher! This, too, shall pass. Call me if the dreams continue. Otherwise, I will see you Friday afternoon.”

Allison walks slowly down the institution-colored hallway watching her feet – left, right, left, right. The monotony lulled her, fears slowly retreating to the cobwebs in her mind. A memory niggled in one of those dark corners wanting to jump out and explore. Her memory is full of holes giving flashes of clarity here and there. When she tries to fill the empty space between, she hits a brick wall.

Allison sighs when she reaches her room and slowly opens the door. The bathroom light is off and the door is closed. She tosses her coat on the chair, takes a deep breath, and walks to the bathroom door. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she turns the knob with dread, wondering what she will find. door. Her hands are shaking as she patted the wall looking for a light switch. She wonders why the dread? There is nothing here.

Light floods the room. Luke turns slowly showing off incredible abs. She stares in shock as he moves toward her pulling her close.

“Darling”, he sighs and breathes into her hair. “I’ve missed you!”

Allison begins to shake, tears streaming from her eyes.

“No, no, no” she moans, simultaneously pulling him close and pushing him away. She felt a myriad of emotions – joy, fear, and finally disbelief.

“How are you here?” she asks shakily.

“I’ve been looking for you. When I didn’t find you at home, I began checking hospitals and rehabilitation centers. You’ve been a difficult person to find.” He moves in slowly and seductively reaches for her, pulling her close and kissing her passionately.

“Nooo!” She backs away, putting her hands over her eyes and sliding down the wall. Luke was here. She feels pulled in a million directions. Memory floods her pushing quickly for a place for review and contemplation. She rubs her face as the memories hit - the lusty weekend in the country, the ease with which she broke things off. Luke’s hurt and pain did not touch her, her face was a stone listening to him beg and plead. She felt cold and empty. The feelings were always the same – Luke, Matt, Derek – nothing/no one ever touched her. But, Luke took it a little too far. Her mind shies away from this particular memory.

“Luke, you need to leave” Allison says.

Allison stands determinedly and walks out the door, closing it firmly behind her. Darkness encompasses her and she pulls back the bedcovers and slides into bed, ready for sleep. Her eyes drift closed and her breathing evens out.

Guilt washes through her as Luke pulls his bloody and dead body into the bedroom. His vacant eyed face grins maniacally as he reaches for her. She can’t move and tosses her face back-and-forth trying to avoid the bloody fingers The sheer stench coming from his body made her gag and break out in a cold sweat. In spite of death, Luke is strong and powerful. He makes soothing noises with his grotesquely distorted mouth, all sounds coming out with the sibilant “s” sound lingering in the air. It reminds her of the snake. Was this what the visons and horrors she’d endured trying to show her. A truth from her past? An old boyfriend who’d died in an accident. Her mind circled the drain where her memory was slowly leaking.

There is a jarring feeling that she isn’t remembering everything. Something larger and far more frightening than a dead apparition in her room. She doesn’t want to know what that is. Allison shoves Luke away and heads back to the bathroom. She will shower to erase the mangled gore and stench from her body. She stops in dead shock when she flips the light switch. The snake is there and a lion. And, her mind stutters, and a dog, and fox, and a peacock strutting in all his glory.

“This can’t be happening”, she thinks. Her mind snaps at the sheer size of the seven animals in her room. She begins to pull at her hair and screamed a blood-chilling, fear-filled scream as nurses pour into her room.

Dr. Boudreaux sits by her bed occasionally glancing over to take stock of how she is doing. He sits straighter as her eyes flutter open staring blankly up.

“Allison, I gave you a sedative to calm you. That is why you are groggy.” Dr. Boudreaux looks sternly over his glasses trying to impress upon her the gravity of her situation. “We need to talk. I need you to tell me what instigated the hysterics yesterday.”

Yesterday? She shook her head trying to figure out where time went. What had she done? Where was she really? She tugs at her hands trying to remove the restraints. There are bloody scratches on her arms.

Dr. Boudreaux leans over her placing his hands on each side of her face. He begins a circular kneading on each side of her head whispering quiet instructions.

“Relax. Take a deep breath, hold it to the count of 6. Now breath out.” His voice repeats this over and over until she feels calm overcome her and settle into a half sleeping, half-awake state.

“Allison, it is time for you to face your fears and face the mirror. I’m going to help you into this wheelchair, and we are going to the mirror. I want you to stare into it and see what you can, for as long as you can. Allow your memories to surface and wash through you.

Allison nodded numbly. Dr. Boudreaux pushed her into the bathroom and switched on the light. The shadows on the other side swirled and sent inviting tentacles to her. She felt numb and could not turn from the flickering images. There was Luke and his car. They’d stopped for lunch. They’d argued. And she broke it off with him.

“Get in the car”, he said tersely.

“I can call for a car. Just go”, I told him.

“I’m not letting you call for a car and ride with a complete stranger into the city. That can get you killed.” He held the door patiently.

Allison slid into the car and turned her head toward the window. She didn’t look at him and she didn’t care. There was an empty coldness where her heart was supposed to be.

Luke pulled to the highway watching for an opportunity to pull into and merge with the traffic. Allison tapped her foot impatiently wanting to be home already! She snaps an insult from her repertoire and volleys it Luke’s way. His jaw tenses and he recklessly guns the engine and accelerates into the traffic.

“No”, Allison moans. “Don’t make me see this.”

“It’s time, Allison.” Dr. Boudreaux smiles gently. “You must know and face the truth.”

“No, please”, Allison begs.

“You must, Allison.” Dr. Boudreaux is kind, but firm.

“Look in the mirror, Allison.”

Allison opens her eyes looking deep into his. She sees no fear there.

“What can be so bad?” she asks herself.

She allows the doctor to turn her face toward the mirror and watches as a familiar form begins to emerge. Slowly, the image forms and floats toward the surface. Allison closes her eyes, frantic to get away.

“The doctors speaks, but she can no longer hear him. The image is fully formed and she recognizes it.

And she screams and screams and screams.

.