Evil cat

My cat wants to kill me. Last night I was sitting at the computer watching YouTube videos when I happened to look to my left and there she was. She just sat there and stared right at me. That wasn’t anything weird though. I’ve had pets before that just stared at you for no particular reason. The part about it that really unnerved me… was that she was smiling. That’s weird right? Cats don’t typically smile right? This wasn’t just any smile though. You know the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland? It was like that. A big toothy grin from ear to ear. Like a living cartoon cat. Her teeth are so big too. I never noticed before, but to be honest I haven’t had her for that long.

She had been hanging out in my yard for a while now. There’s always been stray cats running around be she was there consistently. I normally wouldn’t have thought anything of it, but I started to feel bad for her. She looked so malnourished, like she hadn’t eaten in forever. So, I brought her in and gave her a bath. She actually didn’t fight me like I expected. She seemed to enjoy it, actually. I didn’t realize a cat could enjoy a bath like that, but then again, I’m no cat expert.

So afterwards I dried her off and found some old tuna from my cabinet and put it out on a small plate for her. She gobbled it up and then looked at me. At the time, it kind of looked like she slightly smirked at me, but I just brushed it off to my mind playing tricks on me. She walked off after that and I didn’t really hear much from her after that. At least not until last night.

She sat there in the doorway, staring and smiling. Her eyes were so big… and her teeth. My God her teeth were so huge! I never knew cats could have teeth that big. Such big teeth and such a big smile. It sent shivers down my spine and my heart began to beat wildly. “Max?” I called out. Yeah, I named her Max, it was the first thing that came to mind. After that, she began to purr. This made the situation worse, because it wasn’t just your typically cat purring. It sounded like a generator running. A consistent low rumble came from her. It grew loud the longer it went on.

I got really nervous. What kind of cat is she? What is wrong with her? I picked up a big textbook from my desk and began to slowly approach her. As I came closer, her smile turned into a frown. Still showing those huge teeth, she literally turned her smile upside down. Not as creepy as the smile, but still it looked unnatural. She stood up and walked away. I peeked out of the bedroom door and saw her walking down the hallway. She stopped and looked back at me. I could swear she frowned at me, squinting her visible eye and walked around the corner.

Later that night, I was sleeping and had the most unnerving dreams. I could still see her. That big, toothy smile growing bigger and bigger. The purring, getting louder and louder. Suddenly, I couldn’t breath. This woke me up and my eyes grew wide.

Standing on my chest, with both paws on my face, was Max. She was smothering me in my sleep! I jumped up and threw her across the room. She got up and then stood there and smiled at me again. This time around, it was a sinister malicious looking smile. This was getting out of hand. I don’t even understand how she got in my room in the first place.

After the creepy staring contest from yesterday I made sure to close my bedroom door before going to sleep, to ensure her creepy ass wasn’t in there with me. Yet, there she was trying to kill me in my sleep. I live alone, no wife and no children. I didn’t get up at all last night so there was no reason for the door to be open and yet there it was. Open just slightly wide enough that a small animal could have pushed their way in. Max had opened the door somehow and got into my bedroom.

I’d had enough. I got up and walked over to her. She’s out of here. I don’t care if she starves out there. I to pick her up and her evil looking smile turned into a hate filled scowl. I stopped and backed up. There was a low rumble sound again, but it wasn’t purring. She was growling now. She sounded almost like a lion. Her toothy frown began to open, and it looked absolutely terrifying. It was at that point that her claws began to come out. The sight of them sent panic into my heart. They were unnaturally long and sharper than anything I had ever seen before. They looked entirely too long to have been in her paw yet there they were, ready to tear me into ribbons.

“Oh, fuck you!” I yelled at her. I punted her creepy ass like and football out of my room and she shrieked. It wasn’t your typical cat shriek that you’d expect to here. It sounded almost like a grown woman that had just gotten tackled by a quarterback. I slammed my door and took a step back. The growling got louder. THUMP! There was a powerful slam on the door, like she was trying to break it down. Suddenly, the doorknob began to turn. “What the actual fuck?” I said to myself. I grabbed the doorknob and put my entire body against the door. It began to try and open, but I managed to keep it closed. More loud banging on the door began as if a person was banging on it with two arms.

“Fuck off! Go away” I screamed. I didn’t have a lock on my door, so I had to stay there and keep it closed myself. Eventually she stopped and I sat there wondering if it was really over. I rushed over to my desk and grabbed the textbook again, ready to swat her like an overgrown wasp. I slowly approached the door and it swung open. “Shit!” I yelled as Max sat there in the doorway, but it was so dark that the only thing I could see were her big glowing eyes and that huge white smile.

“What do you want?!” I yelled at her, fear overtaking my voice and tears in my eyes. Her big toothy smile then opened, then closed, then kept repeating. It was like she was biting the air or, more likely, was threatening me. Toying with me. She put one paw forward, the claws still tapping one at a time, and then slowly the other. She was purring again and as she slowly advanced toward me it got louder. She kept biting at me as she came closer and closer and closer.

“Back up!” I yelled, holding up the textbook. “Back the fuck up or I will smash that creepy ass face of yours in!” At that she stopped. She stopped advancing and she stop biting, but the smile remained. As if the situation wasn’t unnerving enough as it was, she then winked at me. The God damn demon cat winked at me.

“Just go away!” I cried, exhausted. “Please! Just leave me alone! Just leave me alone! Please.” She then gave me a look of pity. The big evil smiled turned into kind of a smirk, as if to say, “Heh, pathetic.” She turned around and left the room. Still holding the book, I stepped out as well. I ran out of the house and when I turned to look back, she was sitting there right by the front door, smiling.

I’m at my best friend’s house right now. I can’t go back there. She doesn’t leave that spot. I’d come back throughout the day and she’d be in that same exact spot, still smiling. I’m certain that if I stayed there, she would have killed me. I’m going to call animal control in the morning, and they can deal with her. I never want to see that horrible face again. Hell, I never want to see another cat again for the rest of my life. Its bad enough that my friend has one, who as I write this is sitting across from me, staring. I’m sure I’m just being paranoid because of this whole experience, but I think he just smirked at me.