Ethical Consumption

Jenny was onto Corey, her boyfriend. She didn’t know what it was that he was hiding, but certainly, he was hiding something. Though she was cooking, dinner was the last thing on her mind. She stirred the tofu scramble before adding a finishing touch: two dashes of turmeric. A few more stirs, and it was mixed. She made sure its bright golden yellow spread evenly through the food.

Was it drugs?

On one hand, Corey was as tortured an artist as they come. Seeking escape seemed to make sense, perhaps even expected. Somehow, it remained unbelievable when it came to him. Both Jenny and Corey were in the University of Austin Studio Art program in Texas. She chose Art History as her major, and minored in Studio Art, instead. She’d never gotten the courage to participate in the school's art exhibitions as Corey had. Corey’s work never quite resonated with the general public at his showings. Possibly because his work is invariably centered in animal rights advocacy, something they found to be unsavory. Installations of hyperrealistic silicone bodies with tortured expressions, "bloodied" with cherry syrup, wrapped with plastic packaging, that kind of thing. After their first few months of engaging with the public, it came as little surprise that animal advocacy didn’t sit well with the general population here in Austin, Texas. That didn't stop them, though.

Most of what Jenny and Corey wound up doing centered around advocating for animal rights. Jenny worked part-time as a chef at a vegan food truck, The Golden Cart Rail Spike Food Cart. The food truck specialized in vegan comfort foods such as cheezesteaks, chik'n n' waffles, and other approximately named veganized comfort foods. Corey was a seasoned volunteer with several years' worth of work at agricultural farms. Somewhat controversially, he had recently begun volunteering at an old acquaintance's pig farm. They were also President and Vice-President of SAAE: Students Against Animal Exploitation.

SAAE was their organization on the University of Austin campus, which, apart from getting the attention of local authorities in myriad ways, served as a way to bring about a supportive (albeit somewhat forced) audience for his discomforting art installations in the College's exhibits.

They would write slogans like “End animal exploitation, now! SAAE it loud!" and "SAAE it with me! Animals deserve to be free!" as well as any other pun they could think to write on their picket signs. They'd chant it at rallies, sit-ins, protests, and wherever else they’d hold public demonstrations.

A disturbing development had occurred recently regarding their work at the SAAE. Some of the members had been approached by an FBI agent while handing out pamphlets on campus. This agent mockingly informed them their actions may lead to them being identified as a terrorist organization. At first they hadn't believed it, but, come to find out... it was true. PETA, for one, had been named a terrorist organization. Therefore, according to the FBI's logic, any efforts would be forever tarnished by virtue of association. No matter how different their organization actually was from the radical groups of the past.

It was those organizations that had caught the FBI’s attention in the name of animal rights advocacy “efforts” prior. It wasn't fair. Corey had taken it hard, actually, Jenny came to realize. He felt it was a scare tactic. Jenny was sure that it was.

Where was he?

If she stayed inside the trailer any longer, she might lose her mind she thought. Jenny stopped after giving the tofu one last quick stir. She covered the dish, and turned the burner off. She grabbed her car keys and took off.

The wind whipped her auburn hair as she drove down the interstate with her windows down, driving towards the campus having no actual destination. Her green eyes scanned the lush landscapes, the sun’s bright light dimming as she drove further into the heart of the forested road. What was he even up to? As the sun began to set, the orange and purple hues saturated the once blue sky above.

Where would she find him?

Just then, an image of Corey’s white Prius flashed in her mind; it was parked outside of Tammy’s pig farm, where he'd been volunteering lately. It was a good a start as any, and it beats staying at home staring at stale tofu scramble. Tammy, who had quite a following on social media, had recently graduated from the Studio Art program and had inherited the property after the passing of her grandfather. Despite her inheritance, Tammy had also helped with animal advocacy on and off campus.

Corey's involvement would look good for optics. It'd lend to the idea that their organization was more open-minded than your average vegan organization. These many mental acrobatics, all were performed, ultimately, in hopes of expanding SAAE's influence. Perhaps outsiders would feel more comfortable with them. They may even consider joining, having heard that a local pig farmer was getting her hands dirty with the local vegans. It seemed a half-baked idea, but Corey needed all the support he could get. As difficult as it may be at times, Jenny was happy to give it to him.

If not a half-baked idea, was it just a thinly veiled excuse to get away and cheat on her?

Jenny wasn't so sure. There was so much more going on, it seemed. Corey had started spending more and more time online, specifically engaging the low-lives or “no-lives,” as they liked calling them. These trolls spent an awe-inducing amount of time trolling SAAE's social media pages. Corey would routinely get overwhelmed. Downright pissed off even. As expected, he couldn’t get through to those double-digit IQ, deliberately ignorant, hell-bent idiots who were wholly unwilling to listen to reason or entertain an actual conversation. Corey would nearly start foaming at the mouth about how monstrous they seemed when they attempted to defend the consumption and exploitation of animals. At how easily they devolved to willing and proud complicity.

Jenny took the exit to Tammy’s farm, the trees crowded together into thick forests, drowning out the setting sun's feeble light. As long of a shot as it was, there it was: Corey’s white Prius. She pulled into Tammy's Farm The Slumbering Giant. Jenny slowed down, crawling to the parking spot next to his car. Corey had parked in front of a dilapidated trailer that was converted into a shed. She quietly exited her car, and approached the shack.

A grill was going out front. A thick and crudely cut slab of meat dripped fat onto the burning coals underneath. That better be for Tammy, she thought. In the distance, a couple of pigs squealed. "Shit." she muttered under her breath.

Corey immediately stormed out of the trailer and spotted Tammy. Though he was wearing a hoodie, Jenny could see he wasn't happy to see her. His entire demeanor shifted. Brooding. He walked right past Jenny. "What the fuck?" Jenny said. Corey ignored her. She shut her eyes, exhaled, and started rubbing between her eyebrows. He's going to just go on like everything is normal again, isn't he?

The screen door whined as she climbed the wooden steps and went inside the shed. The stink of cooking meat, uncovered animal feed, and rust had mixed and created a potent funk inside the makeshift shed. The stench was formidable and diminished her mettle. Not knowing where the air was more breathable, she approached the closed screen door, in attempts to mitigate the nauseating blend of smells. Jenny squinted as the smoke burned her eyes. Despite that, she made sure to glare at Corey, who paced up and down the balding AstroTurf. The meat sizzled, and the pigs stirred. Their grunts and snorts could be heard across the open fields of the farm.

“Shit’s fucked. Like, really fucked up. Everything. Just fucked.” Corey said. He reached in his pocket for something and took a pull from what Jenny saw was his vape. Jenny made the screen door whine again as she propped it open, and leaned up against the threshold.

“No kidding.” She said.

“It’s like…” he started, barely containing the smoke in his mouth. “It’s like nothing works." he said, the smog muffling his voice. "We run SAAE at school. We do sit-ins. We protest. Activism. Art. Poetry. Painting. And what do we get? We get fucking trolled. Labeled terrorists. No respect. No change. Nothing. Everything is exactly the fucking same.” he said. His pacing stopped. He lowered his hoodie. Jenny resisted the urge to admire his otherwise beautiful blue eyes as he looked at her. Not one for confrontation, he broke eye contact and leaned on the trailer, resting his head on the dirty, off-white aluminum. Clumps of mud had splattered across over time and had dried, making the wall look diseased.

Jenny forced her eyelids to close and open a few times while her pointed tongue dug around beneath her pursed lips. Her tongue finally rested on the other underside of her face. “So...what?” she said.

“You’re just going to give up? As if you never really cared about it?" Her voice must've carried because she pigs started again as she yelled, descending the wooden steps. Muddied vestiges of Astroturf lined them. "Did you even care? Just how is giving up the answer? Stupid people have existed since the beginning of time, and stupid people will continue to exist. It’s not about them. Fuck them!” she yelled, now standing in front of him. “What I'm hearing is that somehow these troglodytes acting accordingly led you to start doing shit behind my back. Like, literally lie to me.”

“I didn’t give up.” He said quietly. Corey walked over to the grill and turned the meat over. “I didn’t lie to you, and I didn’t give up.”

“You are! Fucking cooking meat?!" she snarled. Somehow, she felt partly responsible. "How long has...this been going on?” her voice echoed through the farm. The pigs snorted, one letting out a wild squeal.

Corey’s gaze drifted to the left when he turned away from her. The vape crackled loudly while he took another long pull. He let out a long sideways pyramid of smog as he exhaled.

“I don’t know how many times I’ve told you to quit fucking paying attention to those dumb motherfuckers. And now what? You’re fucking eating meat again AND lying to me. I’m supposed to be your girlfriend. You’re supposed to love me and not do shit behind my back. That’s shitty, dude.”

“Hey, can you... keep it down?” Corey said. He put the vape away in his jeans. “No need to inform the whole county that I…” his voice trailed. He turned to her. “Let’s just go inside. You’re wearing nothing but a tank top, and it’s getting cold anyway.”

Jenny scoffed loudly and rolled her eyes as she retreated into the admittedly warmer shed. By now, the smell’s offensive nature had plateaued into a manageable rankness. It didn't help her bubbling infuriation.

“You’re not going to like this-” Jenny said. “You’re beginning to seem more like your father.”

“Wow. Don’t compare me to that... fucking rapist... psychopath.”

“Well, he would cook meat over open fires...”

“You mean camping?”

“... Lie to your mom... Do questionable shit. What’s next?” Jenny said.

“Okay. I get it, you’re pissed. But, really, how dare you? Don’t bring him into this. You know how I feel about… him.”

“So what the fuck is going on, Corey? You’ve been acting so fucking weird lately.” Jenny said. “I’m here for you. You just have to let me in. I mean, what do I have to do? Am I the problem?” Her arms flailed as she redirected her anger to contain her shouting into sharp whispers.

“No… I love you, Jen. You're the only thing that's going right for me in my life. I am just going through a lot. Y'know I hate talking about it. It’s never been a good time for me. I just kinda do my own thing until it figures itself out.” He said. The vape sputtered and crackled as he drew from it, blowing the smoke and watching it pool just above their heads.

“It’s not enough, anymore, Corey.” Jenny said. “I found you by chance tonight. Noticed you were parked here just yesterday on my way back from taking midterms. I had made a quick stop at the food truck. Snagged some cheezesteaks. I was stoked. Wanted to celebrate. I had done so well on my art theory midterms. Finally, something to be fucking happy about. It was the one ray of sunshine during this absolute shit storm of a time we’re having lately.”

“I’m sorr-”

“I didn’t even see you until the next day.”

“I know, I know I should've-”

“And you didn’t say a thing. Acted like everything was normal. Just like you did now. I was just home, making dinner like an idiot, thinking you'd show up. We have tofu scramble getting cold, on the stove, and you’re out here, grilling some nasty meat. Lurking in the dark, and just being an overall weirdo." She groaned in disgust. "Like, who even are you? Can you imagine what would happen if someone saw you doing this? It would ruin us for good.”

“It’s not meat.” Corey's lips curled into a cruel smile. His hands dug into his hoodie's pockets.

“What?”

“I mean, technically it is meat. But, it’s… ethically... acquired.” he said, waving circles as he raised his free hand.

“Wait, did you hunt a goddamn raccoon or something?" Jenny scoffed. "Is that supposed to make the fact that you, President of SAAE, are 'ethically... acquiring' meat and eating it again, somehow not fucked up beyond imagination?.. Does Tammy know?”

“Not exactly. And, she knows. I mean, sort of.” Corey said. He stepped outside again and stood in front of the grill.

“Sort of?” Jenny asked, her voice trailing. Some deeper knowing clicked for Jenny, suddenly. Vertigo set in as she tried to repress the feelings of confusion and betrayal. “When I pulled in, I... half thought the meat was for her." she whispered.

“It’s... troll...” he muttered under his breath, flipping the meat.

“...Wha-... What?” Somehow she already knew. The idea was too wild to entertain seriously, she tried convincing herself. But, Corey wasn't the kind to joke around like that. She wasn't sure how to feel. The reality set in, and she suddenly lost her ability to breathe. A wave of cold nearly overtook her. “You…?” she couldn’t finish. Goosebumps tightened her skin as they rippled all over, her hair pushing against her clothes.

“I know what you’re thinking, and I don’t blame you. Just hear me out.”

Struggling to accept what she was hearing, her eyes glazed over as thin streams of tears ran down her face, trickling onto the dirty floor. Corey, now turned to the grill, grabbed the tongs and flipped the meat again. What followed was another waft of the smell. Jenny's stomach began turning. She put her hand to her mouth, momentarily retching.

Even after years together, Jenny never really knew who had been sharing a bed with her, the kinds of thoughts that he kept to himself... What he was capable of... She was wrong, so wrong about him.

"It wasn't hard to find his address. He kept hounding our SAAE page. Bragging he was the one who had reported us to the FBI. To have my name... our names smeared. Called terrorists. Terrorists!" he yelled. The pigs joined in, squealing. "And, well... I saw he lived in a little house on a big lot. And... Well, he lived alone."

Jenny slid down to the floor. "You're going to get caught, and everyone will know that you really are a freak" she said quietly.

"Jenny, listen to me. This is the guy who snitched on us to the FBI. He was one of those assholes who would pose and take pictures eating meat in front of our demonstrations. He was doxxing us. Posting pictures that he took or downloaded from our personal pages. Our addresses. Like... he had it coming."

"So... they're going to know for sure it's you when he shows up missing, right?" Jenny muttered, and laid on her side.

"They're not going to find him." He said as he took the meat off of the grill. He served it on a plate that had been set next to the grill, a fork and knife on either side. "These pigs are special. They eat literally everything you put in front of them. Meat. Bones. Hair. Teeth. Eyes. They make sure it gets ground up, chewed up, and pooped out. Great fertilizer. No trace. And hey, it's good for the environment. I mean, maybe every now, and then you might have to coax them to clean up a little bit here and there, but it's no trouble at all."

"Jesus Christ, Corey." she said softly. "I kinda wish you were just cheating on me with Tammy. So, does she know what you're doing to her pigs?"

"I'm not doing anything. Besides, it's just been one... So far... And, well, she knows I feed them. I just mix it in with the feed little by little, and this is the last of it. Trust me. No one is going to miss this guy."

"The police are going to get you for this, and everything you've... we've worked so hard for... you just fucked it all up." her voice crumbled to a whimper.

"It's making a difference, Jen. We're already being labeled terrorists. Fuck it, might as well act like it, right?"

"No, Corey. Not right."

"Who's going to suspect a soyboy vegan is going to retaliate? And how would they ever prove it? It's going to take them some time to figure out who did it. I mean, it wouldn't be too hard to burn the place down. It's really isolated."

"It's not okay, Corey. You can't just... kill people."

"He's not people. He was a monster."

"People are monsters."

"Yeah, they can be. And that's why I need help. I can't do this alone."

Jenny looked up at him.

"Are you seriously asking me right now?" she asked, her eyes wet with welled up tears.

"Yes. Do you just want to keep making art that no one sees? Organizing demonstrations that no one recognizes? Continue being fucked with just because you're doing what you know is right in your heart?"

Jenny stayed silent. This is all wrong, she thought. Am I having a nightmare right now? Her eyes searched around the shed for a sign.

"This is our chance to make a difference for real. If people won't listen to us, fine. But it's different when they start to actively work against us, doubling up on efforts to ruin what we spend our lives doing... And putting our lives in danger? Fuckin' dangling our pictures in front of other monsters like that fucker was, just because we're trying to save the lives of animals and speak up for them... That's license to kill in my eyes."

Corey cut a piece of the meat, and held it in front of her. "You need to taste this. Nothing tastes better than revenge, Jen. Nothing tastes better than doing what you know is right. This is the prize of killing a monster. You get to eat his flesh and turn him into shit."

Jenny opened her mouth, and let him place the morsel inside. She cried as she chewed. The meat was warm, its fat melting in her mouth. She swallowed, its juices quenching a thirst she hadn't realized she had. It was... incredible. Not the taste, but, rather, what it meant. Jenny understood.