Elder Amy’s Playlist of Halloween Mayhem

Beloved sisters, brothers, and non-binary siblings of the Coven, the time for spookiness and mayhem is once again upon us. The great gathering of 2020 was somewhat compromised due to a… shall we call it the unforeseen consequence of an experimental curse? Yes, that sounds about right.

This year, however, we have lovely medicine coursing through our veins, and Mother insists we get a small gathering of people to celebrate the season.

We’ve had quite a few people join recently and this might be their very first social event. I can imagine how nervous they’ll be, but not to worry! As your Elder Sister, it is my job to get everyone in the mood and assuage any last-minute jitters. So, for those of you who are feeling overwhelmed with the task at hand, click the link below to listen to…

ELDER AMY’S PLAYLIST OF HALLOWEEN MAYHEM!!

This playlist is sure to get you in the mood for Halloween. I recommend listening to it while following the instructions I’ve put together for the best Halloween party.

Before anything else, you should choose your battle armor. Put on A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing (by Set it Off) and peruse your closet for the best costume you can put together. Mother suggests something inviting and inconspicuous. It is recommended that you avoid vulgarity because this plays on harmful stereotypes about our craft, but hey! Your body, your choice!

Whether you’re dressed as a fuzzy sloth, a harmless unicorn, or sexy Squidward Tentacles, share that picture on all of your social media. Let people know you’re throwing an amazing party in honor of the season. It’s a great way to spread the Word. Just make sure you don’t spoil the surprise guest!

Once your costume is on and your mask is in place, it is time to prepare snacks and drinks. Next on the playlist, you will hear Cannibal (by Kesha) and Poison (by Alice Cooper). Have fun! Dance in your kitchen! Chop the meat and season it well enough that no one will know what’s in it. Oh, and don’t forget to spike the punch - but not too much! After all, we don’t want your guests to be sick before midnight.

When the moment comes, be at the door to greet your guests. I suggest playing Welcome to Hell (by Sum41) on repeat. It might get a little annoying for your guests after the fifth time, but they will surely remember this experience next time and be more mindful to come at the specified time. Honestly, some people…

Now that everyone has finally arrived, make sure all guests have a generous portion of food and a full glass of punch at all times. The sound of Choke (by I Don’t Know How But They Found Out) will definitely put them in the mood to eat and drink.

At this time, you should keep a close eye on your guests. Some people just can’t hold their liquor. If they turn red, purple, or green, you should escort them to the bathroom immediately. Don’t forget to lock the door to warrant them come privacy. No one should be barged in during such an embarrassing moment, wouldn’t you agree?

As far as I’m concerned, a successful party is one where no one knows each other. This is the time for your guests to mingle. It is always fun to spend time with strangers, finding out whether you have anything in common, or if the next two hours are going to be filled with tortuous small talk. You will find Anxiety (by Bmike) in the playlist for this very occasion.

As you approach midnight, the punch should be putting them in a state of wonderful euphoria. Turn up the volume and let your guests dance to the sound of Convulsion (by Carbin, Typhon). Watch them shake and seizure on the dance floor, getting all of that frightened energy out into the universe. Sing in unison with their screams and bask in the glory of the full moon as the mantel clock ticks by.

One o’clock…

Two o’clock…

Three o’clock…

Three-thirty-three.

Lock the doors and unlock the windows.

Switch the playlist to The Witching Hour (by In This Moment) and light the candles to enjoy some quiet time with this delightful melody. The moment has come and your guest of honor is about to arrive. You will know her by her fiery eyes and her red hair. She will be adorned by beautiful horns and the sharp talons on her feet will never touch the floor.

She will look into your eyes and it is important that you show bravery and gaze right back at her with your chin held high. Mother doesn’t take kindly to cowardly children. The path of chaos and mayhem she blazes has no space for such foolishness.

You might hear screams.

You might realize they’re yours.

She will kiss you and you will be welcomed into the Coven.

Then, as swift as she came, she will go.

The party is now over and, usually, I would tell you to walk your guests out, but Mother will have taken them with her already. Well, not the ones who were sick in the bathroom, but we will send you an extra-large bottle of bleach and a complimentary mop so you can take care of that mess.

Instead of saying goodbye, put on Stay (by Zedd) to welcome the souls that now live among your walls. You will look after them and they will serve you for as long as you wish.

By now, the sun must be coming up and November will be upon us. You must be feeling exhausted and you should! If you’ve followed my instructions and played every song in this playlist, you will have thrown the perfect Halloween party. Now, it is time to rest.

Let the playlist run its course and eventually you will reach Dead Right Now (by Lil Nas X, Supreme King of Hell). It is the perfect tune to get yourself some rest. Don’t worry about getting to your bed. Take your place in the center of the living room. There’s no need to remove the rug and expose the pentagram.

You’ve done well, child of the Coven.

Sleep.

Tomorrow, you will be reborn.