Book of Black Bargains

Book Of Black Bargains

By: Terra Buttry

January 30,2021

Blackened ashes fall around my feet and I know all is lost, but I keep holding onto this moment. This utter feeling of such remorse and self loathe it is almost too much to stomach. I had it all. Right in the palm of my limp wristed hand. I in this exact moment am unsure if I ever want to be me again. Superstitions have never led me this close to failure and here it is. My instinctual feels all wrong and foreboding thoughts of ill repute is my new now. That Little Black Book and everything it stands for…. And now I am only left with my hopeless soulless self and I ask away like a machine gun stuck on it’s firing pin, sending a spray of bulllets into all life forces and the like PEW PEW PW PE PWE PEW!!!!

WAS IT WORTH IT??? TELL NOW, Was it really worth it?

To answer that I would need to just remind these memories, at first grinding them to a teeth clenching halt. Let the tape whir away as I reminisce. It was only days that passed, but with each dawn that arrives on the memory wheel, and each dawn that passed by; those days begot months it seemed, and if I ever had to completely pick a moment I could not. For those days were my life as I knew it changing. Becoming the life I have now and the moment I am in. It morphed while Is stood idle by did it? It became the wasteland of the pit of the hellish things mother’s and your father’s tell of but only in the sense that you felt the ominous feeling deep to your feet and up to your tingling head again. As my life goes slowly but extraordinarily at the speed of a light beam. I think a million thoughts and one lingers: I should have listened to mama and papa. I should have listened. Faintly, again rising like vomit after a bad case of your local dive bar Burguerticis…. WAS IT WORTH IT? TELL NOW! Was it really worth this?

See I found a little thing, just a tiny little thing. It crossed paths with me so coincidentally and so harmlessly. It is absurd to gander at the ideal of just how we did get here, but here we are. You see I really had no business as to go sniffing about like a blood lusting hound baying at this tiny thing, but I did. It seemed to crook a wicked little finger in my direction, a come hither, the all time ill fated Siren’s Call! It had me guessing what could be upon it’s pages. Where they smooth and untainted? Or shock full of what one could really only ever guess. Intrigued I believe I was. Smitten to no avail, at the tiny memorable seriously serious secrets that it should show me. That is when I made the now known mistake. Oh that terrible, however innocent!, truly horrifying mistake! I will have to live on knowing that God did not make man to be curious, but rather just to observe. Knowing, as well, what that little, that tiny little thing. Had writ upon it’s malevolent parchments of austrousicity.

It was a list. Non-fabricated at this point I do know every word to be true. Upon it’s pages I read of a beautiful city, one where I could be rich and have my heartfully longing desires! It described to me a list of things and not only things but it required choices and decisions to be made upon my own self contemplating choices. It required of me a family member, a hated thing, and also a burden. It then foretold of how it would render each and heavy load obselte! To be no more. This tiny thing stated it would give me what riches and happiness I could muster upon it’s pages for whatever they would hold, all I had to do was write upon it’s pages: the family member, the awful hated thing, and least of all a burden that was of great trouble to me.

Oh how I hurridly decided all things I could not live forever without! As I filled it with riches and sums that would leave accountants world wide reeling. It laid it’s trickery and traps. It despised me and wanted to be rid of it’s own exsistensce. It had seen me for who I truly was and am. A harborer of Greed and a Cesspool of Monetarial love, oh it did truly have me pegged. I never knew…..

As soon as I was done filling those pages it said, “As you and I stand alive, are you willing to dare? To wonder, to stare, to cry, to wither and despair as your ancestors your lineage, it tears? The seam and the fabric the blood under skin!

Call back your demon and let dark deeds win. He bigots he blunder’s! His greed is contrite! He has sold his heritage for a penniless mite!”

That is when I felt peculiar and very strange. I began to hear a beating drum and see my people from generation after generation scream and writhe in pain. A pain that was now searing seemingly throughout and back within my very molecules, the very cells of my body was aflame! Oh I have been fooled! I have sold my hearts delight for naught a morrsil or crumb! Only was sold for a fool’s dream and a cursed demonized book of Black! But it was just tiny at that!

Again I hear myself screaming but I am only burned to cinders and I am everywhere ,and also not one place for sure as well….

WAS IT WORTH IT? TELL NOW! Was it worth it?.....

Well, dear reader, I dare ask what do you think?