Best Sex Scenes from AHS

American Horror Story is all about pushing boundaries and making its audience uncomfortable. This counts for the shows visuals and storylines as much as its themes. It's no surprise, then, that best sex scenes from AHS get us hot, skeeze us out, and make us think—sometimes all at once!

Conjoined Twins

There's a lot more moving parts in a three-sum than in one-on-one sex by virtue of there being more people to please. There are even more factors in play when two of the participants are conjoined twins. You gotta make sure you're good, giving, and game (GGG), and you also gotta not think about the fact that you're having sex with conjoined twins. That's why it's so important for Neil Patrick Harris to bring his ventriloquist's dummy into the bedroom with him when he hooks up with Bette and Dot; Chester relaxes him. Also, it's the only way NPH can shoot.

Zoe is a witch who kills people when she has sex with them. That's what it means to be a "Black Widow" in the AHS universe. Simple; got it. Archie is a college student who was the ring-leader of a gang rape and now he's in the hospital being in a terrible accident. And now Zoe's there too. Complicated! The obvious question is: should she Black Widow Archie?

On the one hand, what Archie did is unconscionable; on the other, Zoe is bypassing the legal system entirely by playing the part of judge, jury, and executioner. On the third hand, America's criminal justice system is fundamentally contaminated by the patriarchy and both retributive and restorative justice is far too often out of reach for survivors of rape. On the fourth hand, implicit bias plays a significant part in motivating people to defend and enable white men who rape. On the fifth hand (it's AHS; you can have a lot of hands!), the death penalty is controversial in and of itself.

Luckily, instead of exploring these questions, AHS just takes the route that makes for the best television: Zoe rides Archie. Nice. To death. Nice. Definitely one of the best sex scenes from AHS!

Killer Clowns

When Ally (Sarah Paulson) goes food shopping, she gets more than she bargained for: clowns having sex in the produce aisle. Look, we're not going to kink shame. We're sex positive! We get that the only way some people can get off is by wearing clown masks, and if you can find someone who supports you, that's a beautiful thing. But those are creepy masks and you're going at it on top of watermelon. No can abide! And look at the prices on grape tomatoes. $7.00 for a quart? No can abide!

In American Horror Story: Freak Show, Elsa Mars (Jessica Lange) was the owner of the titular freak show. Her backstory is that she was a Weimar Republic era German dominatrix. In this memorable scene, Elsa makes a German soldier sit on a toilette seat covered in upright nails. This certainly violates the BDSM dictum of, "safe, sane, and consensual," but this scene is still a prime example of one of the best sex scenes from AHS.

We see the nails; we see the subtle yet palpable discomfort in Elsa's face, allowing us to express our own discomfort; and then the soldier sits down. The scene then racks focus and we observe the voyeuristic gaze of The Watchers. Now they are us, and we are implicated in the violence that just happened on screen. Oh boy. I gotta sit down after that—but not on nails!

Self Lube

The first scene of a TV series or movie teaches the audience how to watch what they're watching. A great example of this is Adam Levine's appearance on American Horror Story: Asylum. His character sneaks into an abandoned asylum with his wife, things get hot, and then Levine has his arm ripped off by a monster and then gets shot to death. It's a lot to take in at once, which is classic AHS. In the chaos you may have missed that Levine uses his own saliva to lube up his wife; luckily the internet captured one of the best sex scenes from AHS for all to enjoy ad infinitum.

Evan Peters portrays many of American Horror Story's most memorable characters. We're introduced to one such character, Kit Walker, right after he and his wife Alma get married in the 1960s. As an interracial couple, their relationship is stigmatized and illegal. Their debate on whether or not to tell their families is interrupted by their decision to consummate their marriage. What makes this one of the best sex scenes from AHS is how heart warming the scene is.

When they finish, Alma says, "“I hope you like your beef tough and dry because that's what we're having for dinner tonight." Awww. “My first course was delicious,” says Walker. Ewww laaaaame. And then, boom: alien abduction! Alma's gone right away and Walker gets tossed around the house like a rag doll. The 60s; what a decade!

Lobster Boy

Jimmy "Lobster Boy" Darling is another Evan Peters classic. His deformation—lobster claw hands—made him a freak show attraction and a hit among lonely housewives. Under the guise of Tupperware parties, all the ladies in the neighborhood would gather together and take turns getting pleasured by the lobster boy. It was a way for Peters' character to take control of his deformity—transforming it from an object to be gawked at to an object to be venerated. Of course, he's always objectified and, ultimately, cannot escape being Lobster Boy. He's just searching for a way to balance his own expectations and the expectations of society. In that way, we are all Lobster Boy.

Now Vivian (Connie Britton) is GGG. She even says herself, "You really wanna go for round two? Alright, I can be kinky." But underneath that rubbed mask isn't her husband like she expects, but a completely different person, and that's rape! Yeah, it's rape to trick someone into having sex with you by pretending your someone else. That means that Robert Carradine raped Julie Montgomery in Revenge of the Nerds! Oh, a movie from the 80s glorified sexual assault? What a surprise! A lot of movies excuse sexual misconduct and so do many Americans even to this day. And that's the real American Horror Story. #TimesUp!

Cumming, cumming, cumming; crying, crying, crying. That 360° transformation is American Horror Story in a nutshell. They lure us in with something alluring and enticing and leave us having to question everything around us.

In American Horror Story: Cult, Evan Peters portrays cult leader Kai Anderson. In what's for sure one of the best sex scenes from AHS, Kai is employing one of the classic tools of the cult leader: gaslighting. He's re-writing the reality of Meadow (Leslie Grossman) so she does his bidding. Also, check out that water cooler in the background. It's just taking it all in like, "This guy just said he needs you to, 'bare witness.' Girl, that is classic serial killer talk. You gotta leave him and find yourself a real man with a job! Or a woman. It's 2018; you do you boo." That water cooler is woke AF.