Which Golden Girl Are You?

Thank you for being a friend! The Golden Girls stole our sitcom hearts when it debuted in 1985, and for the next 7 years we began to grow attached to its cast. It’s time to find out if you’re wise like Dorothy, witty like Sophia, sexy and sassy like Blanche, or sweet and innocent like Rose.

Dorothy

She is classy and smart, this must be Dorothy (I tried sounding just like Rose’s sister Holly!) The wise woman of the bunch, Dorothy Zbornak often finds herself trying to stay out of trouble, whether it’s reading a book on a Saturday night or watching Jeopardy. Some of her best moments feature her sarcastic wit, one of my favorites being in season 1 episode 2 "Rose the Prude".

Immediately walking out to the lanai when asked about the status of the man she is seeing, Blanche and Dorothy join Rose so they can offer her support. When Blanche asks if "this is about Arnie", Dorothy immediately responds with "no Blanche, she's upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke." That’s some classic Zbornak sarcasm right there.

Rose

Let’s do it like they did back in St. Olaf! Are you sweet and innocent with the tendency to be a total airhead? You just might be Rose Nylund! This fun gal hails originally from St. Olaf Minnesota, where she moved to Miami less than a couple years after her husband Charlie died. Perhaps one of the best examples of her own naivete is in the season 2 episode "Bedtime Story."

It's an episode of flashbacks involving different sleeping situations, but in one scenario the heat has went out and all 4 ladies are forced to share one bed. Rose dawdles around with going to sleep when Dorothy decides to imitate the voice of God and say "Rose thanks for the lovely prayer. Now shut up and get into bed." It's obviously Dorothy's voice but of course Rose believes it is God and immediately crawls into bed afraid.

Another similar example is in an episode in season 6 where Sophia pretends to be the voice of Charlie in order to get money from Rose. Poor, sweet Rose falls for the prank and ends up almost permanently ending her loving relationship with Miles because of it.

Blanche

Do you often find yourself enjoying the company of another man, while boasting your sex appeal with a slight hint of vanity? You just might be Blanche Devereaux! From the very first episode, we establish her weakness for the opposite sex. A real chuckle of a scene is in season 2’s episode “The Actor” where her and all the other ladies act like a bunch of “teenage groupies” when they learn famed actor Patrick Vaughan is going to be starring in their community theater’s production. Of course Blanche, Rose, and Dorothy try to audition for Vaughan’s leading lady.

In an effort to gain attention, Blanche has stuffed inflatable breasts in her shirt, giving her the appearance of having very large bosoms. This nets some laughs from the others auditioning as well as Dorothy’s comment “my rear tires have less pressure in them.” It also causes Patrick to mess up his line, saying “the moon is hangin’ awful low in the sky tonight, isn’t it Busty” instead of Josie. Mr. Vaughan also accidentally pops Blanches pseudo-boobs when the two quickly embrace in a hug. As the fakes deflate, the laughter ensues, and Patrick says “I’m afraid I popped your bosom!”

Sophia

Wise beyond her years, we have Sophia Petrillo up next. She is originally from Sicily but moved to America in 1920 after deciding to opt out of an arranged marriage. In the very first episode she comes to stay with the other three girls when her home (Shady Pines) has burned down (she was there for a stroke). Sophia is equipped with endless, witty one-liners.

In one episode, Blanche asks Sophia for advice, to which Sophia says “no matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: you’re old, you sag, get over it.” Blanche is taken aback by this, but Sophia continues with “So what if you knew Jesus? Wake up and smell the coffee you fossil!” Ouch, what a sick burn. Blanche claps back with “my mistake, I figured since you looked like Yoda you were also wise.”

She may seem like a mean lady, but Sophia really does have a heart of gold. In the season 1 episode On Golden Girls, Blanche’s nephew David comes to stay. When David mouths off to to the girls, Sophia responds by slapping him in the face. Dorothy admits that Sohpia really doesn’t do that unless she likes someone. Deep down, we know that she truly cares about the people around her.

One example of her love as a mother is in the season 4 episode Love Me Tender, when Dorothy chooses to enter a solely physical relationship with Eddie. Sophia voices her concern by saying she knows her daughter, and that some day she will want more. Sophia really does look out for those she cares about. So if you’re always coming up with the zingers and have a maternal instinct, you just might be Sophia Petrillo!

Well, which Golden Girl are you sharing your cheesecake with? I hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane!