What if Gossip Girl Was Real?

In its prime, Gossip Girl was a cultural phenomenon that’s impact is still felt today. It influenced fashion and entertainment, with multiple remakes set in different countries. Several current tv shows wouldn’t exist if Gossip Girl hadn’t paved the way for them. It should come as no surprise that a show with such a huge reach is getting the reboot treatment courtesy of HBO. While this reboot offers a more diverse cast and new scandals, I can’t help but think of the original Gossip Girl and wonder what it would be like if Gossip Girl were real.

Gossip Girl Would Go To Jail

Let’s start with the most serious topic on this list, prison. Many of the things Gossip Girl did were illegal, but, surprisingly, the police didn’t get involved. It seems almost unreal to me that none of the parents reported the website to someone who could find the responsible party. While I know teens can hide things from their parents, a website like Gossip Girl could easily spill over into real life. Someone who is already struggling with their mental health (like Eric in season one) could easily be pushed over the edge, which would force the website to be investigated. While several of the other cast members deserve prison time, and some have even served short sentences already, the act of creating a website solely to harass your classmates is the focus of the show. Also, if your website only focuses on a small group of individuals, you’re likely to get found out sooner rather than later.

No One Would Forgive Dan

We previously saw how hard it was for some of Gossip Girl’s victims to forgive Dan for writing a book about them, so why was he forgiven so easily during the series end? Possibly because the writers wanted to wrap everything up with a neat bow, but it doesn’t work. The actions of Dan as Gossip Girl have negatively affected all their lives, and for what reason? The reasoning the show gives is because the Gossip Girl website is a love letter to the upper East siders. If a real-life Dan confessed to being Gossip Girl, he would be met with anger and confusion and exiled from the friend group.

Dan and Serena Were in an Abusive Relationship

Most people tend to focus on Chuck and Blair, and I’m getting to them, but I think it’s important to focus on Dan and Serena as well. If Dan truly were Gossip Girl, then the way he treated Serena was horrifying. He spread multiple rumors about her and used the website to ensure that they ended up together. While Serena is not without faults or flaws, she didn’t set up a website to manipulate a man into being with her.

It Wouldn’t Make Sense for Dan to be Gossip Girl

You may have noticed that I’m saying if Dan were Gossip Girl and that’s because it doesn’t make sense for him to be. There are times when he obviously can’t be managing the website, so there would have to be at least one other person helping with the website. Even with help, it doesn’t make sense for Dan to be Gossip Girl since there are things/people he doesn’t know of and Gossip Girl does (in season one he believes Georgina when she says her name is Sarah and Gossip Girl already knows who she is).

No One Would Get a Happy Ending

As I mentioned earlier, both Dan and Serena and Chuck and Blair are in abusive relationships. Both pairs end up together and happy at the end of the series. Neither of these pairs deserved a happy ending after the things they put each other through, but the show still focused on the ‘happily ever after’. It’s more than likely that if these pairs ended up together, they wouldn’t be happy. They would continue the cycle of abuse that we see portrayed in the show. Their relationships also wouldn’t last long, since neither couple had any issues cheating and breaking up with each other throughout the show’s history.

No One Would Or Should Forgive Chuck

Throughout the series, Chuck not only abuses Blair but several other women as well. In the first episode alone, he assaults both Jenny and Serena. He also abuses Blair throughout the relationship. She does her fair share of abusing as well, but not to the same extent as he does. He sells her to his uncle for a hotel, hits her, lashes out whenever she moves on, cheats on her with Jenny, etc. Why should anyone forgive him for the things he does? He’s never seen attending therapy or attempting to get his life back on track, but somehow, he ends up with a happy ending. Why? What did he do to deserve that ending, and better yet, why does Blair forgive him and forget everything he’s done?

Speaking of Therapy

Multiple characters are shown to have deep-rooted issues, but none quite as much as Blair. At the start of the series, Blair is bulimic, but that issue is never fully addressed in the show. She also suffers from abandonment issues, which may be why she clings so tightly to Chuck Bass. She’s characterized as a mean girl who does awful things to her friends and family. While most of the other characters are also shown in a negative light, I believe Blair could benefit from therapy the most. She could get her life together and earn a happy ending like the one she got at the end of the series. She could also learn how to love herself so she could end up with someone who doesn’t abuse her as Chuck does.

The Group of People Being Bullied Would Be More Diverse

The reboot is set to be more diverse, but the original show should have been that way to start with. There would be multiple races and people from all walks of life being talked about on Gossip Girl, not just the main cast. People of all shapes and sizes would likely be added to the list of topics discussed on Gossip Girl, and the Gossip Girl website would probably operate more like a message board than a traditional website.

Not Everyone Would be Pretty or Popular

I’ve always found it odd how the only unpopular students featured in Gossip Girl were Dan, Jenny, and Vanessa. I also found it odd that they all looked like supermodels. The real-life Gossip Girl would sometimes ‘gossip’ about people who aren’t considered the standard idealized version of attractive.

Not Everyone Would Subscribe

Throughout the series we see Gossip Girl sending out text blasts that everyone seems to receive. How does she have everyone’s number? Well, they possibly signed up to get updates from the website. In real life, there would be people who wouldn’t want anything to do with the negativity.

Gossip Girl Would Move on

I always found it odd how the Gossip Girl website continued to exist outside of high school. Most people would move on after they got a few ‘laughs’ at the expense of their classmates, but the Gossip Girl website was still going strong well into their college years. This doesn’t make sense, especially when you consider that most of them either went to different colleges or didn’t get in at all. The website followed them well beyond their college years since they only went for a semester at best. It doesn’t make sense for someone who’s a fully grown adult to take part in the website when they should be out making new friends and trying to pass their exams.

This story was part of a series, so if you liked it please consider checking out What if Vampires Were Real?