Things I Hate About: Film

As my girlfriend complains that I hate so many things, I thought I would write a few down, after doing music in the relevant place here’s my film hates. In no particular order here are some of my gripes.

1. Starting with films that are based on a true story that makeup or stretch limits of the real story. The American film industry does this a lot but many others are guilty of this. Maybe stretching the truth makes for a better story but then the filmmakers should admit it’s very loosely based on the truth. Titanic, for example, was full of more holes then the real boat after the iceberg. Leo DiCaprio’s character had a locked gate between himself and Kate Winslet's character for one thing, the captain didn’t shoot himself and the boat took twice as long to sink in reality. The band playing songs that weren’t even written at the time is a more minor gripe.

Another culprit in the telling fibs group is the war film U571, the story is told of how an American submarine captures a German enigma code machine from a German submarine. The machines were used by the Germans to send coded messages and the deciphering was crucial to knowing German plans. Small problems are that the enigma machine had already been captured and deciphered well before the film was set. Another small problem was this happened before the Americans joined the war in the first place. Perhaps this is being pedantic but that’s me.

2. Almost as serious a crime is adapting a book and completely ignoring much of the content in the screenplay. Stephen King seems to have had this misfortune many times. Some adaptations are quite accurate but many shares very little with the book beyond a title. Though the most annoying to me in recent times is the adaptation of the Jack Reacher novels. The character is described as well over 6 feet, solidly built and very imposing to others. So how the hell does Tom Cruise get cast, he’s a foot too short and not imposing at all. Why he features in many of his films is another gripe altogether.

3. Films with merchandise selling characters also springs to mind as a personal crime. Wether it's Jar Jar Binks or the fluffy thing in Guardians of the Galaxy, it’s an advert before a film sometimes. Star Wars has more than enough merchandise already without tenuous characters being shoe horned in.

4. One big annoyance is very personal and very pedantic but here goes anyway. In TV or film flashbacks, how does the person flashing back see themselves in the memory? Obviously, any memory would be seen through their eyes and so wouldn’t include themselves. Obviously, it would have been an expensive film shoot but would be a lot more realistic.

5. Another pedantic one is how couples have passionate sex sessions and then either wake up in pyjamas or with the bed clothes strategically welded to their bodies. More skin shown would probably alter the rating for the film but this also happens for films with the highest ratings anyway. Gone are the days when actors had to keep one foot on the floor but maybe we haven’t progressed too far. I am not suggesting 50 Shades type romps in every film, but some reality would be good. So, let the couples wake up naked or semi naked, with bedding everywhere and looking knackerd, just like the rest of us.

6. Another personal one is actors who basically play themselves in every film with no attempt to be a character. Sean Connery is famous for being the same person every time in every film he’s in. I would include Tom Cruise in nearly every one of his films in this category, in fact the films seem to be made around him rather them him adapt for roles.

I am sure I will think of other things to complain about but they may appear elsewhere in the site soon.