The Way You Make Me Feel

The other day, my 90-year old grandma called me in a panic. We share the same Prime account (which is attached to my credit card), and she accidentally bought a movie forgetting I would be footing the bill. I didn't care about the $3.99, but she was insistent upon sending me four dollars in the mail. Once I successfully dissuaded her, I asked what movie she rented. The answer: The Expendables.

Yes, my 90-year old opera-loving, Jane Austen reading, country club dining grandmother sat down for a relaxing night of watching Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, and Dolph Lundgren kick some serious ass.

"Grandma, how can YOU like that movie?" I asked.

That's when she said a phrase that changed the way I thought about movie recommendations. "Sometimes you just need to feel something different."

Ain't that the truth? When I'm feeling powerless, I need to watch Mulan train to be a warrior, or Olivia Pope control a PR disaster. When I'm feeling like the world is unjust, it's Law and Order time, baby. And when I'm feeling the urge for a little romance, there's nothing that hits the spot like George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez's steamy trunk scene from the heist drama Out of Sight.

That's what movie suggestion services get wrong. They think that if you watch an action comedy, you'll want to watch every action comedy. Or if you watch a movie with Kim Catrall, you'll want to watch every movie with Kim Catrall. Even Mannequin.

Not the case, movie algorithms. Not. The. Case.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if movie and TV recommendations could gauge your feelings first, then select the perfect cocktail of content for you at that moment? Then you wouldn't be stuck watching the same movies/TV episodes over and over again, afraid to pick something new not knowing if it'll map to your current desired emotions.

Well, don't fear fam. I got you. Below, I made a sweet list of movies and TV shows (along with the perfect snack foods to pair them with) that I love and highly recommend based on how you could be feeling at any moment.

For When You Want to Feel Happy

Want a put a smile on your face? Pour yourself a blue Icee, grab a pack a Twizzlers and press play on any one of these selections:

Anchorman, The Last Holiday, Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar, Jackass: The Movie, The Lego Movie, Girls Trip, Win a Date with Tad Hamilton, Cocktail, MacGruber, The Challenge (Real World vs. Road Rules), Parks and Recreation, anything on HGTV, The Great British Bake-Off, Little Miss Sunshine, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Two Can Play That Game

For When You Want to Believe in Justice

This may be the number one category of movies I watched in 2020. The best snack to start any of these movies with is hard liquor. But by the end of the films listed below, you'll feel so uplifted you won't need it anymore (or you'll already be very drunk):

Inside Man, The Shawshank Redemption, The Rainmaker, any Batman movie, any Avengers movie (except Infinity War), Paddington 2, Stalag 17, The First Wives Club, Matilda

For When You Want to Feel Inspired

Sometimes you need a swift kick in the butt. These movies can do the trick. I recommend watching these with with a hydrating glass of agua, a box of chocolate-covered raisins, and a good friend:

Hidden Figures, Justin Bieber: Never Say Never, Working Girl, Captain America: The First Avenger, Mulan, The Pursuit of Happiness, The 100-foot Journey, The Dirty Dozen, Good Will Hunting, Untouchable, Trading Places

For When You Want to Feel Sophisticated

Didn't go to Harvard or Princeton, but still want to feel like a cultured member of society? I suggest you put on a pair of pressed trousers, grab a martini, a charcuterie board, and watch any of these selections:

Downton Abbey, Momento, Hugo, Much Ado About Nothing, Seasons 1 and 3 of True Detective, Lupin, The Thomas Crown Affair, The Royal Tennenbaums, The Crown, any James Bond film

For When You Want to Sit in Self-Loathing

Sometimes you just feel like a huge waste of space. Grab a carnival-sized bucket of popcorn, a two liter of your favorite soft drink and watch away. You're gonna feel horrible after, but this content will help you sit in the suckage for a second:

Hoarders: Buried Alive, The Devil's Own, Manchester by the Sea, Seven Pounds, The Fault in Our Stars, Revolutionary Road, Blackfish, An Inconvenient Truth, The Great Escape, Fatal Attraction

For When You Want to Believe in Love

Ooh la la, pour some red wine. Grab a bar of dark chocolate. And cue these movies/tv shows that will make you believe that love is alive and well:

When Harry Met Sally, Atypical, It Could Happen to You, The Birdcage, While You Were Sleeping, Love Actually, Bridget Jones' Baby, Romancing the Stone, Life is Beautiful, Love Simon, Daddy's Little Girls, True Lies, Date Night, Thor, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Man on Fire

Got any other movies you love that I might have missed? Leave a comment below. I'd love to hear from you.