The Death Of Chadwick Boseman

I watched the movie, Black Panther, once and swore that was the only time I would. I was not taken in by the hype. For me, it was no different from the usual Hollywood propaganda films about Black people with its Black on Black violence, dismissal of Pan-Africanism, Trumpesque nationalism and white fragility, white saviour undertone. It was more a film to satisfy white fragility...special effects a huge distraction...that was just my opinion.

Now, since the death of Chadwick "BlackPanther" Boseman I am pretty sure I will never watch it again. Not because of anything to do with the movie but the man himself.

I tried watching 21 Bridges the other night and I couldn't. I couldn't bear to look at Chad and now know that through all those movies he was a man living on borrowed time and yet was able to maintain such composure, professionalism and grace as he kept the secret of his illness to himself...the secret he hid from the world.

Looking back on some of his interviews and the things he said, it is now clear that he alluded to his pending death. It is only now that we can really understand what certain reactions, words, phrases really meant. Only now it is so obvious that this is why he said so and so ---- this is what he really meant.

In a 2017 interview with HuffPost for example, after his weight loss became noticeable writer Matthew Jacobs asked him about "coming off a Black Panther project, then doing the movie Marshall before shooting another Black Panther film":

“Did you bulk up, slim down and then bulk up again?” Jacobs asked. He noted that Boseman nodded his head and looked exhausted as he replied, “Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

“You’ve been through the wringer,” the journalist continued.

“Oh, you don’t even know,” Boseman responded with a laugh. “You have no idea. One day I’ll live to tell the story.”

It breaks my heart. I can't watch any of his films...not for now at least. I'll be too distracted by the knowledge of what a great weight this great, private man carried on his shoulder, but had such extraordinary strength and courage to carry on role-playing when the directed said "cut".

Some would say maybe it was because he was such a great actor that he was able to. I don't know! All I know is it takes an exceptional person to be facing death and yet be able to put on a show of bravery and such amazing fortitude.

Like George Floyd calling out to his mother, Chad's perseverance through it all to put the best outside while literally dying is what has endeared him to the whole world. The knowledge of dark clouds of death hovering yet the strength and determination to LIVE is what we will remember of this man.

He never let on and that is why we have all been knocked off our feet at his passing. You never really know what people are going through by just looking at them. Lessons to be learned.

We will never forget how special this smiling, polite, urbane, giving man lived the last years of his life. I hope someday I will be able to watch your movies Chad and not feel the pain I am feeling now. You were a fairy tale hero that was real.