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The Age of Differences: Koikimo and Higehiro

Lessons for a Teenage Girl

By bakasaigaPublished 3 years ago 12 min read
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SPOILER ALERT AHEAD. You've been warned.

Content Warning: Mentions of pedophilia, grooming, conditioning, family conflicts, and depressions.

Author's Note: Rio Amakusa is Ichika's best friend in Koikimo. Ryo Amakusa is Ichika's love interest.

Why High School Girls Should Watch Them Both.

Both Higehiro and Koikimo depict content that can be rather controversial and unpalatable to viewers. That being said, I just want to acknowledge the difference between fiction and reality. Depiction doesn't necessarily equate to an endorsement. Anime Youtuber Digibro once said: "If you watch something and you're disgusted by it, that's you contextualizing the medium. And if you're excited by it, then you're holding yourself accountable to draw the line between fantasy and reality."

Sayu compliments Yoshida saying that he is nice for not smoking in front of her as her previous sexual partners did not care about her inhaling second-hand smoke. Yoshida responds to this compliment: "Listen up! I'm not nice. They were shit." (Higehiro, episode 1)

Self-Esteem and Lowering Standards

I think Koikimo and Higehiro depict feelings that almost all teenage girls feel and lessons that they ought to ask themselves, address with themselves, and see normalized on screen. No, those lessons aren't that your 'soul mate' is a salaryman that's 10 years older than you. Rather, that your standards don't need to be automatically lowered because that's the supply of potential partners around you. You shouldn't be shocked and appreciative when someone treats you decently as a stark comparison to how others have previously treated you like shit. You shouldn't have to attribute all your value to your sexuality - just because that has the highest capital in superficiality, doesn't mean that it's sustainable nor acceptable for your developing mind. Double D cup breasts on a 16-year old shouldn't be impressive, your report card should; your activities at school; your cooking skills; your athletic skills; your kindness to others; your ability to make others feel noticed; you get the point. Your multidimensionality as a person and companion. If someone looks at you and doesn't feel the urge, interest, or desire to fuck you, that not only shouldn't make you upset, it shouldn't matter.

Yoshida saying to Sayu: "Have standards for yourself. And for everything else." (Higehiro, episode 1)

Higehiro's first most explicit lesson for not only young women, but the audience, in general, is to have standards for themselves. Don't lower your expectations no matter how shitty they are in your immediate environment. Never settle. Know your worth.

Ichika saying to Rio: "I'm sure there's someone more suited for him [Ryo]." (Koikimo, episode 12)

Similar sentiments are mirrored in Koikimo when Ichika starts contemplating if she's "good enough" for Ryo.

Ichika explains to Rio the type of woman she thinks Ryo should date: "Someone who's mature, pretty, fashionable, and smart..." (Koikimo, episode 12)

She starts doing what all women do - compare herself to other women.

Rio responds to Ichika's insecurity: "Did my brother ever say he liked someone like that?" (Koikimo, episode 12)

But that's when Rio, her best friend chimes in and brings her back to reality to actually confront these doubts that she's having. There will always be somebody prettier, smarter, faster, anything-er than you. But nobody will be YOU. And that's the person that your lover falls for. Rio daringly asks Ichika, "Did my brother ever say he liked someone like that?" referring to the mature, fashionable imaginary dream woman that Ichika has conjured in her head. Thus, forcing Ichika to re-think her insecurity.

Rio says to Ichika: "You're probably only thinking this because you lack confidence." (Koikimo, episode 12)

Uncertainty and questioning oneself like that is often-times onesided and a product of overthinking. Throughout the anime, it's obvious that Ryo has never made Ichika feel this way - he's never compared her to his older female colleagues, he's never commented on her youthful naivety, nor made her seem childish. These are conclusions that she comes to herself as a result of adolescent self-esteem issues, native to anyone who's ever been a teenager.

Ryo explaining his doubt to Masuda: "So I thought that maybe I should just back off [in pursuing Ichika]... for good." (Koikimo, episode 12)

Genre Reassignment

Obviously, I'm not stupid. Koikimo and Higehiro do have issues, but they portray some compelling concepts that don't get enough credit. To categorize them as romantic comedies would be inaccurate to their substance. I think it would actually be more fitting to label them as coming-of-age stories. Koikimo's full title translation means "It's Disgusting to Call this Love," and I think that's for a reason. The story isn't about Ichika finding her true love or Ryo gradually maturing as a result of love. It's about a complex relationship between two people who are more or less infatuated. Think about it. In real life, how often are you easily able to label your own feelings for another person as love or anything beyond a crush? How often do humans properly name the emotions they have and convey them properly? Rarely. That's why so many romcoms are full of misunderstandings. As viewers, we can judge them, but in those moments, we're just as dumbfounded as they are.

Sayu asking Yoshida out of insecurity, "Don't I turn you on?" (Higehiro, episode 3)

The same goes for Higehiro. The narrative consistently pushes that Yoshida and Sayu aren't meant to be lovers; Yoshida rejects her youth and sexuality, knowing it isn't right. There's chemistry, and sure, she is of the age of consent, but attraction and chemistry don't necessarily equate to a healthy, sustainable, and mature relationship. It's indisputable that they share a bond, but a bond isn't enough. Because in real life, a bond isn't enough. Someone's career, family, health, finances, societal pressures, and everything in between can get in the way of a meaningful relationship. Despite the first half of Higehiro focussing on the everyday shenanigans of our leads, the latter half of the story really illuminates the tale of Sayu and her troubles as a teenage girl. Her family conflicts, school bullying, PTSD, depression, and coping with the terms of adolescence.

Ryo questioning himself, "Am I a decent adult who can take responsibility?" (Koikimo, episode 12)

Koikimo also depicts these themes but more lightly, more holistically. Koikimo shows Ryo's ongoing conflict with his father and how it has come to fruition as an adult. His inability to foster meaningful relationships as a 27-year old, his deep-seated insecurity, and repressed unhappiness with how little agency he had with his education and career path as a product of his father's control. In parallel, it demonstrates Ichika's boy trouble. Coming to terms with understanding her type, the kind of guy she likes, and understanding herself better, asking questions to deepen her self-reflection. Both Koikimo show typical and atypical things that teenage girls go through ranging from friendships, love, self-esteem, and so on.

Ichika's confession to Ryo: "Will you wait for me until I'm an adult?" (Koikimo, episode 12)

Agency

The respective high school heroines both have their chance at agency. Ichika, ultimately decides that she does have feelings for Ryo. Sayu consistently pulls advances on Yoshida, despite his rejections. Both lead couples establish one thing by the end: "wait for me to be an adult." Whether or not their respective relationships are successful are never disclosed, arguably left up to the audience.

Sayu's final confession to Yoshida upon his departure back to Tokyo: "When I'm not a kid anymore, do I have a chance?" (Higehiro, episode 13)

They are stories that show the hunt but not the kill. Koikimo doesn't show you if Ichika and Ryo have a healthy relationship, and Higehiro doesn't confirm who Yoshida's "ultimate love interest" is. Because that's how real life works. Your lead love interest could be someone you met as a teenager or just a chapter in a series of romantic conquests.

Yoshida dismisses Sayu's request for him to wait for her, saying that he won't: "You can think about your life once you're all grown up. So put your memories of me into a box somewhere and enjoy your new life." (Higehiro, episode 13)

Ryo and Yoshida back off, to let the girls make their own choice. And neither of these series tell you that their choice is correct or now. They just show teenage girls acting on their own feelings and the behaviour of their male, adult counterparts.

Ryo voicing his doubt in himself as Ichika's potential boyfriend to Masuda: "Am I a decent adult who can take responsibility?" (Koikimo, episode 12)

Their adult instincts kick in (for Yoshida, they were mostly activated already), and they recognize that these girls have to make their own choice, acknowledging the close bond they've built with the girls and how this can be unfair for them if they stay inserted in their lives. I'll be honest, I wouldn't necessarily call what Ryo and Yoshida do "grooming" but I also wouldn't not call it that either. Spending time with a minor and creating a companionship is not grooming, and considering how little time they actually spent together (less than a year), it's really hard to accept that would be an abusive form of conditioning.

Ryo telling Masuda how it would be more appropriate to date Matsushima instead of Ichika due to their proximity in age: "I'm sure it'd be way more socially acceptable and realistic if I went out with her." (Koikimo, episode 12)

As another point for why these Animes are quite appropriate for teenage girls, would be to highlight their self-awareness. Come on, Koikimo literally translates to "It's Disgusting to Call it Love," the title directly reminds the audience that said relationship in real life, would be persona non-grata. But just because the dynamic is wrong in reality, doesn't mean we can't take away the meaningful lessons it addresses. Higehiro consistently makes references to the criminality that Yoshida commits by housing a runaway and shows Yoshida's ongoing internal rejection of Sayu. It makes the perfect depiction of doing something illegal may not be necessarily wrong and doing something legal may not be necessarily right.

Yoshida rejecting Sayu's sexual advances: "Just get off me, or I'll get mad." (Higehiro, episode 3)

It's Normal for Women to be Rejected

Matsushima confessing her feelings to Ryo: "Amakusa, I'm in love with you." (Koikimo, episode 9)

In Koikimo, Matsushima, Ryo's colleague confesses her feelings to Ryo and once informed of his crush on Ichika, resolves herself to "work hard" for his reciprocity.

Ryo telling Masuda about Matsushima's confession and her perseverance, despite telling Matsushima about his crush on Ichika: "But she said she was still going to work hard to get me to like her back." (Koikimo, episode 10)
Ryo's polite rejection of Matsushima's romantic pursuit: "I'm sorry. That's why I want you to just give up [trying to get me to fall in love with you]." (Koikimo, episode 10)

It was only by the time that I finished university where I realized how perfectly normal it is for women to make the first move and also be rejected. Many of my friends, who, like Matsushima, are gorgeous, kind, killer personality, smart, and hard-working, had pursued a love interest at one point in time and been embarrassingly and soul-crushingly rejected — including myself. But these were experiences that were somehow shameful.

A woman who makes the first move is already desperate, but one who gets rejected based on that move? Completely undesirable.

This notion is nonsense. But we felt this was a norm upheld in society. How often do you actually see the girl make the first move on the big screen? No, this isn't just her pulling in the male lead for a kiss. I mean a full actual confession. An actual invitation for a date. This shit never happens, I swear. But it ought to be normalized.

Mishima sobbing after recognizing that her place in Yoshida's heart will never rival that of Sayu's: "He never looks at me that way!" (Higehiro, episode 8)

And it's no woman's fault if she's rejected. It's personal, but not personal. Take a look at Mishima, Yoshida's third love interested in Higehiro. She's cute, smart, fun, understanding, mature, hard-working, and watches out for other girls. But Yoshida still doesn't reciprocate her feelings. Rejection is a normal part of life that the current generation avoids like the plague. And for women especially, it's something that is consistently untouched. But look at the women who were rejected here. There's nothing wrong with them. They're not "too ugly" for the protagonist, they're not "too stupid" and it's not like they lacked chemistry either. Rather, it was a choice on the man's part to disengage in a romantic pursuit with these women.

Yoshida replies to Sayu's confession: "You're cute. I really think so. But I really can't see you that way." (Higehiro, episode 13)

I'd like to see this as a subtle reminder that when you're rejected as a girl, it's not because you're too ugly, stupid, or that you imagined all the chemistry you had with your love interest. It's just because that person has chosen not to pursue you romantically and that has to be accepted. That should be normal. That IS normal.

Arie Matsushima cries on her way home after being rejected by Ryo Amakusa. (Koikimo, episode 10)

No Family is Perfect

I could go on and continue about the aspects of both Koikimo and Higehiro, which discuss the dynamic of healthy friendships and setting boundaries or depicting dysfunctional families too. Sayu's family background was unbelievably complicated and toxic, a situation that is a bit too familiar to many people in the world. Her confusion and anxiety left by these familial traumas were met with a very reasonable response at her age. Likewise, Ryo's relationship with his uptight and strict father demonstrated another vein of family tensions and how adolescents grow into them as young adults. As in real life, both shows don't display a happy-ending solution to family issues because, well.... they're always ongoing. Sayu's mom concedes slightly to her insufferability and Ryo's dad gives his son a chance to prove his competence and character.

Asami hugging Sayu. (Higehiro, episode 11)

Friendship & Boundaries

One of my favourite things about both Higehiro and Koikimo was the depiction of such healthy teenage friendships between our female leads. Ichika & Rio and Sayu & Asami. The latter of both girls serving as the heroine's best friend. The part of Rio's character that many viewers critique is her meddling, her constant insertion of her older brother into Ichika's life. But come on, they're teenage girls, what else do they have to do?

Rio apologizing to Ichika for meddling, "Sorry I'm so annoying." (Koikimo, episode 12)

By the time Ichika truly voices her discomfort of the situation in a way that Rio understands, Rio immediately apologizes and deems her own actions regrettable. What I liked so much about this friendship was that it was more or less realistic. No friend is perfect. But a perfect friendship can be, through meaningful communication and genuine apologies when fault is acknowledged.

Rio affirming her confidence in a potential relationship between Ichika and her older brother, Ryo: "Having my precious older brother go out with my precious best friend..." (Koikimo, episode 12)

Rio is never concerned about her best friend "stealing" time away from her brother or thinks of her as "not good enough" for him. The way Koikmo depicts a female-female relationship is quite astounding in that way. There's no competition and even if there's jealousy, it's quite muted, often met with second thoughts (i.e., Matsushima's comments to Ryo about Ichika's age and her later monologued backtrack).

Asami meeting Yoshida for the first time, in shock at his age: "Yikes! He's an old dude!" (Higehiro, episode 4)

What I absolutely adored about Sayu and Asami was their juxtaposition in personalities. A shy dark-haired girl with a troubled past and a bright affluent girl with an independent, boisterous mind. I feel like the character of Asami is severely underrated. Her most poignant trait would have to be her incredibly high emotional quotient (EQ, similar to IQ but basically the 'social' measurement). On Sayu's first day of work, it seems that Asami can easily detect Sayu's reserve, her vulnerability. In fear that she might be in danger, she makes sure that Sayu introduces her to Yoshida. Some may consider it meddling, but in this contemporary age of addressing the rape culture that we live in, it is important for others, of all genders, to watch out for each other. Upon confirming that Yoshida is not a creep, Asami expresses a subtle relief, knowing that her colleague of the exact same age in complicated circumstances is safe. Again, in this dynamic, there is no jealousy or competitiveness.

Asami assuring Sayu, "It'll be okay." (Higehiro, episode 6)

The author of Higehiro doesn't impose mindless competition between these two females, instead, depicting a level of emotional support that teenage girls at this age need. They don't need to be pitted against each other, just lifted up, symbiotically. Asami never demands Sayu to tell her the circumstances of her situation, nor does she dig deeper when things get out of hand (i.e., Sayu's sexual assault by another employee), she lets Sayu take control of the knowledge that others have about her, understanding the repercussions of misjudgement. It's only when Sayu decides to tell Asami and Yoshida about her past that Asami listens. This is the perfect example of giving space and recognizing when your loved one needs it as a form of love — a love language, if you will.

Conclusion

So, that's it. Why I think it might be worthwhile for others, especially adolescent girls to watch Koikimo and Higehiro. I'll admit, they're not perfect shows. But for animes branded as "romantic comedies," they don't tread that close to the label. As a 22-year old Asian-Canadian woman, I think my past self could have even benefitted from the takeaways of these series. Sometimes, it's easier to dig at the easy critiques of controversial animes instead of analyzing what lessons we can take away from them.

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Recommendations:

Some similar animes with the theme of "coming of age" and age gaps that I'd recommend include: After the Rain (seinen), ReLife (slice of life), Hitorijime My Hero (BL), and Garden of Words (romance).

References:

Digibro [Archive]. "WEIRD ANIME SEX! (and why it's okay)" via Youtube.

Higehiro: After Being Rejected, I Shaved and Took in a High School Runaway (Higehiro)

  1. Episode 1
  2. Episode 3
  3. Episode 4
  4. Episode 6
  5. Episode 8
  6. Episode 11
  7. Episode 13

Koi to Yobu ni wa Kimochi Warui (Koikimo)

  1. Episode 1
  2. Episode 9
  3. Episode 10
  4. Episode 12

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