Short Film Reviews: "J" Directors

Cerise (John T. Trigonis):

Considering everything that came before the beginning of 2022, it makes sense that this list starts with a clinker of a movie. A dedicated writing tutor and former spelling bee champ, Josh Kermes (David Arkema) is floored by the arrival of a new co-worker. It's Shivam Shah (Sree Rao), the guy to whom he lost the 1990 national bee. With Shivam's arrival comes a reignition of Josh's disdain for the word that bested him, turning his life upside down. I had high hopes going into this movie. The premise sounded promising and seemed to suggest Josh would be getting the chance to re-challenge Shivam and reclaim his peace of mind. Such a story could've made charming, funny, or even heartwarming depending on what route it took its tale.

Instead, we get a bland film that meanders about for half its runtime. When Shivam arrives and reveals his and Josh's history, you think that's when the conflict will start. Instead, there's a stretch of Josh hazily going about his work while getting upset at Shivam for "upstaging" him. When their boss finally decides to set up a rumble between them, you'll think it's finally time for that spelling bee rematch. Instead, it's a gaming battle commentated by a pair of admittedly funny announcers. Soon after that, a true conflict finally begins. But not only is the conflict not funny or compelling, it's also just as boring as the buildup to it. As a result, Shivam becomes little more than a plot device used to spark Josh's downward spiral. With Sree Rao giving the best performance of Cerise, his role deserved much better treatment.

The mishandled story has the added drawback of making its protagonist a whiny sore loser. It's clear the story isn't siding with Josh's childish vendetta against Shivam and the actions that his "cerise" aversion leads him to take. But the way the film decides to "redeem" Josh falls very flat. SPOILER ALERT While he ends the movie accepting that his crush CJ's real name is Cerise, we never see him make amends to Shivam. Josh's maltreatment of CJ stopped at ignoring her phone calls while Shivam was ostracized and rather viciously shoved by Josh. Since Shivam had been nothing but nice to Josh and never intentionally mocked or belittled him for his spelling bee loss, the fact that Josh's "redemption" doesn't include an apology to him is pretty gross. Spoilers Over

All that said, David Arkema makes for a decent lead when Josh isn't being a doofus. As for his co-stars, Stewart Schneck is humorous as Josh's ditzy boss Parsons (though he's still smart enough to recognize when Josh starts going down the tubes) while Yan Xi shifts between adequate and wooden as Josh's adorkable co-worker friend CJ. But with the jumbled mess of a plot and bad audio mixing that makes some of the dialogue hard to comprehend, Cerise's cast can hardly do anything to save this short film from d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r.

Score: 2 out of 10 Wii Sports boxing battles.

Angel of Anywhere (James Kicklighter):

While he may have a more stigmatized career, Angel of Anywhere's protagonist is much more likable than Cerise's Josh Kermes. That protagonist is Angel (Axel Roldos), a male stripper with a knack for helping his clientele with their personal problems. Essentially a day-in-the-life feature, Angel of Anywhere moves at a nonchalant pace as Angel does his rounds at the Anywhere Bar. This amounts to a string of introspective conversations about identity, so if you're looking for a short film with a lot of action, look elsewhere. Even as these conversations delve into sensitive topics that could spark an argument, they never come to that.

But amid the static pace, a fairly good story emerges. As the title character, Axel Roldos sells Angel as a kind-hearted stripper with a wholesome desire to help people. While James Kicklighter impressively goes above and beyond to avoid objectifying his lead actor, Roldos' physical appearance does strengthen Angel's characterization. His youthful face and physique add to the allure that draws a pair of weary souls to seek out his company. Said souls (Michelle and Brian) are played by Briana Evigan and Ser'Darius Blain. Both give authentic performances as two troubled people with similar problems, but opposite attitudes. Michelle is meek and resigned to her unsatisfying life while Brian is brasher and mildly resentful of his. Evigan and Blain mesh well with Roldos as Angel connects with Michelle and Brian, using different approaches to help both of them achieve a new outlook. It gives credence to Angel's desire to be a therapist and makes the final revelation--along with the ambiguity of how Michelle and Brian's encounters with Angel ended--subtly bittersweet.

The atmosphere of the Anywhere Bar's VIP section is almost ethereal thanks to the soft lighting and relaxing colors--a big contrast to the darker scenes whenever Angel is somewhere else in the club. While Michelle and Brian might see the stripper as a warm confidante, he's elsewhere viewed as either a piece of meat or an annoying goody-goody. It says something that the non-client character who treats Angel the best is David A. Gregory's D.C., a fellow Anywhere performer. While a bit vain, he appreciates Angel's advice while the club's female DJ "Alexxx in Wonderland" (played by a casually flippant Nihan Gur) shrewdly dismisses him. The pacing may be low-energy and there are no Magic Mike-style dance routines to droll over. But if you have the time and patience for a well-written and well-acted character drama, Angel of Anywhere is the place to be.

Score: 6.5 out of 10 mixing boards.

Game (Joy Webster):

Game tells a brief but powerful story about Jack and Molly (Jack Fulton and Ava Preston), two young siblings dealing with the loss of their mother in very different ways. As the film goes on and you see how the quiet Jack is being intimidated by Molly, you'll grimace and brace yourself for the worst. Jack Fulton makes it easy to feel the poor kid's stoic grief and gradually building rage. In addition to Molly, we also see Jack have to contend with a distant father and his sister's friend Tommy (Sam Ashe Arnold gives an all-too-realistic depiction of a cruel adolescent bully.) It's no wonder Jack would rather sleep in the woods than in his home. Ava Preston, meanwhile, keeps you on edge with Molly's disconcerting behavior. Before the movie's midpoint, you will begin to fear for Jack's safety.

But even before the breathtaking final minutes of Game, you might find yourself feeling as sorry for Molly as you do Jack. After all, they both lost their mother and are left with a father who alternates between neglecting his children and unwittingly enabling Molly's violent tendencies via hunting excursions. Tellingly, the camera never shows the father's full face, illustrating how disconnected he's become from his kids at a time when they need him the most. While Preston gives an all-around great performance, her acting in the last minutes is truly amazing. Game's finale challenges us to see both Jack and Molly in a new light and ends on an appropriately ambiguous note regarding what the future holds for them. While some badly rendered CGI birds might've distractingly appeared during a sad scene involving Jack and his late mother, Game is still a tearjerking short film with a couple of talented young stars manning the controls.

Score: 8 out of 10 smashed logs.

The Captured Bird (Jovanka Vuckovic):

Serving as Jovanka Vuckovic's directorial debut, The Captured Bird is much less plot-driven than the other films on this list. The movie is about a little girl (Skyler Wexler) who is led to a large ornate building by a trail of mysterious black liquid. What she finds inside will leave her life irrevocably changed. With such a straightforward plot about a child's curiosity leading them into danger, it makes sense for Vuckovic to put more stock in The Captured Bird as a surreal horror show. The things that reside in the grimly beautiful manor are decently creepy, though the manor itself is definitely the film's visual masterpiece--even if it's not on screen for very long.

But for all the movie's aesthetical flair, The Captured Bird doesn't have a whole lot going on under the surface. As freaky as the creatures may be, the horror of their actions is kept restrained and at times is hindered by the inconsistent reactions from the child protagonist. Whether as a result of Skyler Wexler's acting or Vuckovic's direction, the girl at times doesn't appear properly horrified by what she encounters. She has a more believable reaction to seeing maggots crawling out of a pipe than she does to the monstrosities of the manor. The Captured Bird scores points for its style and for how it can be read as a metaphor for child grooming and the true-to-life horror of the loss of innocence. But with a generic story whose deliberate pace leads to a generic conclusion, this film struggles to keep its wings flapping before finally collapsing when it reaches the ending.

Score: 4 out of 10 chalk rainbows.

Life in Text (Jessica Jacobs):

Bringing to mind The Residue of a Relationship, a short film I discussed in another review list, Life in Text follows a man as he looks back on a former relationship. But instead of reminiscing via letters, Ben (Tyler Ritter) does it by scrolling through the old text messages between him and his ex-girlfriend Haley (Alexandra Daddario). While it's nowhere near as poignant or gripping as the Brett Chapman-directed documentary, Life in Text has plenty going for it in its own right. The way Ben is transported into his text conversation with Haley and literally strolls down memory lane is a cool and well-rendered effect.

The way Ben navigates his virtual memories--starting at the bitter end and going backward--is also well-handled narratively. Even as you read their lovey-dovey texts and videos of romantic gestures, you can see why Ben and Haley couldn't make it work. You never get the sense the two had any real chemistry, and a video of Ben and Haley slow-dancing sees the latter looking positively miserable. The fact that it's the only video where Ben and Haley are together further speaks to the shallowness and unsustainability of their relationship. With his character being silent for most of the movie, Tyler Ritter makes good use of facial acting to depict Ben's journey as a lovelorn man wistfully remembering the one that got away. Alexandra Daddario only gets about a minute's worth of screentime, but she's still charming in her two scenes and her absence serves the purpose of demonstrating why Haley and Ben fell apart. Creatively filmed with a touching story to go with its sleek presentation, Life in Text's simplicity and premise make it the ideal short film to watch on your phone when you have 10 minutes to spare.

Score: 7 out of 10 tape-gagged emojis.

Lucy in the Sky with Diamond (Joey Boukadakis):

Ironically enough, this short film also features a protagonist who's hung up on an ex-girlfriend. But while Life in Text is a drama, Lucy in the Sky with Diamond is pure comedy. While at a diner with his friend bemoaning how he can't get over his ex Lucy (Marlana Carter), John (John Patrick Jordan) is shocked when she arrives with her new boyfriend, who is intent on helping John out of his funk: the illustrious "LDP" (Lou Diamond Phillips). While it might start out focusing on John and his desire to move on from his heartbreak, Lucy in the Sky with Diamond is unsurprisingly more focused on the raunchy caricature of its 80's heartthrob star. Considering the litany of lewd sexual references on display here, a lot of this film's humor has the potential to repel viewers who don't have the stomach for crass comedy. There's also a random bulimia joke that seems to only be there for pointless shock value (just to be clear: I'm all for dark humor as long as it's actually funny.)

Still, don't go in expecting something on par with a skin flick. A running gag involving syrup is as "pornographic" as things get. While LDP's explicit dialogue itself is hit-or-miss, the true comedy comes from how seriously Lou Diamond Phillips delivers said dialogue. Hearing him say such outlandish things with a straight face is quietly hilarious, as is John acting as the straight man to LDP's bizarre ramblings. Even with his overly squeaky leather jacket getting in the way sometimes, Phillips does a phenomenal job (since the squeaking is never brought up, I can only assume this was an unintended audio hiccup.) John Patrick Jordan isn't as dynamic, but he makes John a solid straight man to LDP's weirdness while Brian Thomas Smith is an adorkable treat as John's best friend/mega LDP fanboy Brian. It's not the best comedy short out there and might prove divisive depending on your humor preferences. But if the idea of a famous actor lampooning themselves as an eccentric Chuck Norris-esque sex god appeals to you, Lucy in the Sky with Diamond has just that!

Score: 6.5 out of 10 La Bamba T-shirts.

V (Jimmy Dean):

Best described as Ari Aster's Basically with a supernatural twist, V similarly follows a sharp-tongued young woman as she goes about her day while discussing her life. But while Basically's Shandy Pickles is a rich socialite, Minnie (Synnøve Karlsen) is a 16-year-old vampire who spends her days stuck in her modest apartment and her nights roaming the streets. While the movie isn't afraid to show that she has to kill to feed herself, Minnie is otherwise a pretty chill vampire. She only claims one victim in the time we spend with her, and even then, the murder takes place off-screen. There's actually more time spent on Minnie laying around her apartment than there is on her drinking blood or prowling for victims.

While it's a nice change of pace from usual vampire narratives, it also makes the first half of V almost aggressively mundane. Synnøve Karlsen does a fine job in her film debut, but with her monologues not being witty like the ones in Basically, the undead (pun intended) pacing is all the more noticeable. Plus, between Karlsen's fast talking and thick accent, viewers might have trouble following what Minnie is even saying. Things get interesting once Minnie reveals the whole truth about her old boyfriend Chris. It puts Minnie's sardonic personality and self-isolation in a tragic new light, recontextualizes some of her earlier statements, and speaks to a real-life monster that's much scarier than any fictional vampire. The way the film bookends itself also speaks to the disheartening cycle of Minnie's life as a bloodsucker.

It's too bad that this poignant ending is hidden behind the sluggish first act that precedes it. Karlsen's bouts of incomprehensible diction and the script's so-so dialogue for Minnie may have some viewers wanting her to just snap and sink her teeth into someone's neck. On the other hand, Minnie/Karlsen do have their charming moments and the twist ending is enriching enough to make the slow parts worthwhile. And since I already referenced a meme in the previous review of this list, I might as well take the opportunity to do it again: for all its faults, V is still a better vampire story than Twilight.

Score: 6.5 out of 10 spaghetti bolognaises.

Time to Kill (Justin Rettke):

"What does a hitman do while he waits for his mark to get home?" That's the question Time to Kill aims to answer. After infiltrating his latest target's house, hitman Harris (Christopher T. Wood) waits for him to return home. Time to Kill has the same leisurely "follow the protagonist as they go about their day" pace as V, only this time, the protagonist stays in the same location the whole time. And this time around, the central protagonist is played by a more energized actor. Whether Harris is taking a phone call from his overbearing mother or doing yoga to curb his boredom, Christopher T. Wood gives an endearing performance. With his frequently exasperated tone and bevy of chuckle-worthy facial expressions, Wood will you growing to like Harris in spite of his criminal endeavors. If you didn't know he was a hitman, Harris is the kind of guy you'd like to share a beer with while the two of you vent about your problems.

As for the script Wood co-wrote alongside Justin Rettke and Scott Frank, most of the jokes land, though some bits aren't as effective (e.g. the one involving the noisy door lock). The climax, while nothing dramatic like a big shootout or tear-filled confrontation, is still a nice closer to Harris's story. SPOILER ALERT Going into the finale, you'll think it's going to consist of Harris comically screwing up his one job after so many hours of waiting, ending in him either being killed or fleeing the scene with his tail between his legs. But instead, Harris's ready to take care of business the second his target closes the door behind him, suit jacket on and gun at the ready. For all his awkwardness, Harris is a pretty efficient assassin, and Wood handles the transition with ease. The downsides of Time to Kill's climax are Deacon Ledges' incredibly stilted acting as Harris's mark Shekky and the moment when the film's low budget becomes blatant (Shekky gets shot three times, and yet there's not a drop of blood to be seen.) At least the exchange is followed up by Harris affirming his "Hitman With a Heart of Gold" status when he decides to "adopt" Shekky's dog rather than kill him. Spoilers Over

As simplistically plotted as Life in Text and V, but with a more charismatic star in its spotlight than the latter, Time to Kill joins the former on the rating scale. Between Wood's lovably goofy performance and the fact that Harris's target seems like a pretty scummy person (that CD collection of his rings a few alarm bells), you'll definitely be rooting for the hired gun. While it has some misfires, Christopher T. Wood keeps Time to Kill from taking too much damage to be enjoyable.

Score: 7 out of 10 resting positions.

Tied to the Past (Jeremy Long):

One last comedy short for the road, this one concerning a kidnapping that takes a few unexpected turns. The shortest film of this list with a just-under-3-minutes runtime (not including credits), Tied to the Past doesn't waste time jumping right into the action. It opens on a classic crime fiction scene of a bound and gagged woman being menaced by her masked, gun-toting abductor. But once the woman's boyfriend arrives with the ransom, things quickly go from intense to wacky. Seeing as how director Jeremy Long is also a stand-up comedian, it's no surprise that he hires a quartet of capable comedic actors for Tied to the Past. All four of the main stars succeed in selling the quirkiness of the atypical hostage situation, from their expressions to the cadence of their voices. Meg Dick deserves specific praise for how well she keeps up with her male co-stars, despite spending the entire movie with her mouth taped shut.

It's to the movie's strength that Tied to the Past is so limited for time, though. The schtick would've run its course if it went on for much longer. Even then, the film ends on a whimper thanks to the final punchline being so easy to predict. But besides that, Tied to the Past makes for a good quick giggle thanks to the cast knowing how to keep a joke from running thin. If you're in a long line at the grocery store, stuck in a traffic jam, or waiting for your boyfriend to come rescue you from a kidnapper, consider checking out this mini-slice of humor to make the time go by faster.

Score: 6 out of 10 wrist banditos.

Overall:

While this list started with the dud known as Cerise, the remainder of the list consists of solid marks. The Captured Bird may join Cerise at the bottom of the barrel, but Game rises to the top with its emotionally complex story and powerhouse lead actors. Life in Text and Time to Kill follow close behind while the other four films take up comfortable residency in the 6-6.5 range. They have their issues, but they all still make for decent entertainment with what they do right. So if you're in the mood for a laugh, a scare, or a tug at the heartstrings going into February 2022, peruse this list and see if any of these J-named directors provide what you're looking for.