Ranking Disney Princesses by Vibe (Not Movies)

Now, officially (as in, from the mouth of The Mouse) there are only thirteen princesses in their canon tier.

Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora, Pocahontas, Mulan, Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Merida, Tiana, Rapunzel, Moana, and the newly introduced Raya.

No, I'm not missing Elsa- she's so popular on her own Disney left her and Ana as a separate entity from the princess line. Of course, anyone who's grown up with Disney probably considers the "Princess"-verse to be much larger than that. There are all kinds of princesses that were offered by Disney, even excluding those that come from acquisitions by Disney (i.e.: Leia, Anastasia, etc.)! There are all kinds of princesses from the TV shows, their original movies, and beyond. However Disney has a stricter criteria for what makes an official princess and therefore cuts it off at, currently, thirteen.

Luckily, I'm not so cutthroat.

So one day I thought about it and was like . . . barring their stories, each princess has a near wildly different look and vibe to them. So I decided to rank them by overall . . . feeling towards them. Completely ignoring their stories and journeys in their various films, how would I rank them by just looking at them and doing a vibe check. To make this more interesting I'm going to go outside of the official count and make this list based upon my own criteria:

1. Must be a princess at the start of the film (or show) or by the end of it through whatever means (Mulan will be the exception to this rule, and rule number two, because . . . well she's an official princess by Disney. So).

2. Must be officially recognized in such a capacity at some point.

3. Will not include live-action princesses, but princess must be (or one of) the main character of the show/movie they're in. Please bear in mind list may be incomplete due to me not knowing about one or two very new or very unknown princesses though I'll try my best.

Alright, makes sense? Let's get into it then!

1. Kida - "Atlantis: The Lost Empire"

Tell me them hips don't rock and I'll smack you into the sinner's penalty box myself. A legend, an Icon, and a Trendsetter. Excellent use of contrast here from her dark skin, to bright white hair, and sharp blue tattoos. Very much seems like the kind of woman you could chill with at brunch for the bottomless mimosas, and she'll reciprocate with drinks at the club just next door to the tattoo parlor where she'll offer to pay for matching ones. Would not object to her stepping on me, because I know she would smile at me and murmur her gratitude. Can melt your heart with her enthusiasm when she sees you reading a book, pester you with questions, then buy the book herself and read it along with you to learn more about you. Loves to skewer the male gaze, pause, and then gush about her nerdy lover boy.

2. Elsa - "Frozen 2"

A frankly INSANE glow-up from the first film, hence the specification of the sequel. The Moment. Oh, we hitting up the strip tonight? BAM! Fifth Element Magical Girl Transformation. The drip is, pardon the pun, ice cold. Will smuggle in a slim, diamond encrusted flask of top shelf vodka to any venue, and bring a bottle of peppermint schnapps to your next Uno tournament. Would absolutely rely on her to get me home after a moscow mule marathon. Inherently understood that the key to getting her out of the house is to go through Anna because she's an incredibly stubborn introvert. Will not be seen in anything less than thee fashion, yet an eclectic mix of top labels and small online boutique fair. Was a secret Within Temptation fan-girl in high school, has now moved on to Lacuna Coil.

3. Merida - "Brave"

Thee wildest, curliest girl in the list. Got nearly as much fire in her heart as makes up her hair, so she was almost my number one but my respect for Kida sort of outweighed that. Very much love her ripping nearly every dress she has to make it more flexible for the ass kicking she's about to graciously bestow upon you- as a Lady Princess does. The annoying healthy girl who pesters you to hike with her, which you will do grudgingly do and enjoy in an even more begrudging fashion. And that hair, so springy and untamed! And she never ever combs it so!! What now!! Would feed her tons of ginger snap cookies and brownies, she seems like the type who would love that strange duo of sweets. Has a surprise, hidden talent of crocheting.

4. Tiana - "Princess and the Frog"

A Lady. Matured, poised, would never lay a finger on you but does know how to place untraceable poisons in your food (not confirmed in canon but I just feel it, you know?) so that you know it was her but can never prove it. Has a goal she will bulldoze through any fool for, and dimples to knock you over with. Murders every look, but you couldn't even feel jealous because she's gassing you up at the slightest provocation. Love her penchant for green, blue, just bright colors. Probably one of only a handful of princesses who understood what wardrobe changes can do for a person. Seems like it takes forever for hints to crack through her oblivious self, which validates me. You will have the best tea parties with her, pretending not to gossip but doing so for hours, and at night will pull out a record player to the porch to listen to Etta James and B.B. King until the grasshoppers go to sleep.

5. Moana - "Moana"

A lot more responsible than me, off the bat. Love the bandeau top and lengthy skirt combo, excellent color choice and very complimentary. Big fan of orange, and homie rocked the whole sunrise vibe. Very focused gaze, love the confidence in her smile- 10/10 would always follow whatever spontaneous decision she made that veered off the course of whatever we had been doing. Her thick calves and ankles validate me. Would absolutely love to see her go buckwild at a trampoline park, then compare ingredients for homemade hair masks. Probably a secret sweet tooth, and we'd demolish Ghirardelli sundaes together.

6. Pocahontas - "Pocahontas"

Incredibly beautiful, and a princess whose hair I am immensely envious of- that thickness! That length! In incredible shape, I would legitimately smash my own head into a wall to avoid going to the gym with her, though, she gives more of a "hike through every available park and nearby national park" sort of vibe. Has an air of maturity and regality but is actually quite the daredevil, to the point where you get quite leary of any of her boredom-busting ideas. Will encourage you to zipline over alligators, but you must resist every color of the wind. Passionate about politics to a degree that slightly shames others, and will stare down gross people until they look away in fear. Seems like the type to go spelunking in sundresses for the "vibe". Has the best mani-pedis in the group.

7. Kiara - "Lion King II: Simba's Pride"

In reality, would fawn over her beauty from a very safe and very far distance. Would absolutely NOT fuck with. Steaks and salmon every night for dinner, try fruitlessly to place her beauty to canvas. Would willingly sacrifice a chunk of my non-dominant arm to place a pearl and amethyst choker around her strong neck. In "Disney verse" though, would construct a gigantic cat palace for her, rivalling the size of Georgette's Park Avenue townhouse. Crème de la crème à la Edgar every weekend for my best sweetiepie.

8. Ariel - "The Little Mermaid"

THE Brat Princess. A sassy, pouting mess of girl who maybe takes it a little too far each girl's night. Would probably get on my nerves very easily, but would fight for her at the drop of a hat, just as she would for you. Looks like a bubblegum dream, but probably owns every album of Evanescence. Would have long chats with her about older acts like Daisy Chainsaw, Blondie, and then switch right into screaming along to Fall Out Boy's "Mania." Her style is all over the place, but that means options to raid her wardrobe for a Rave if you're so inclined. Fiercely independent and also needy for affection, spends just as much time racing ahead of the group as she does flopping right on top of you at sleepovers. Goal-oriented yet detail-abhorrent???

9. Elena - "Elena of Avalor"

Fantastic. Showstopper. Very big on family, and will heartily welcome you into hers after a two-week trial. You're in if her sister likes you. Big "Mom friend" energy, or I suppose you could say "Big Sister" energy? Pretty and she knows it, never gloating or grandstanding but very sure of her worth. Rocks a ton of platform sandals and kitten heels, always very vibrant fashion choices. Not one easily led away from her duties so you're hard-pressed to get her out and about but it's a sure adventure when she is. Even when she's not a close friend in the group you can absolutely feel like she's a name to count on in a pinch. Loves Ozuna, and dreams of one day seeing Wicked on Broadway.

10. Jasmine - "Aladdin"

A pretty, classy, sometimes haughty darling. Must have a good reason to bother her when she's busy spoiling her equally pretty pet cat. Feigns boredom a lot of the time to hide her giddy, marshmallow soft insides. Demure, respectful, not someone who will abide by your wilder ideas but make no mistake that she's down for a good time. Always popping up with new jewelry she's bought from some obscure place, and shares the fabulously fragrant teas she always knows just how to pick. Obsesses over the latest Loungefly drops with you. Someone who rises with the dawn and sets with it too, so careful what you invite her to. You wouldn't know it from looking at her but she does love a bit of gossip, and her guilty pleasure is Riverdale.

11. Rapunzel - "Tangled"

Super cute, super energetic, and super sheltered. Scared of being awkward or the boring one at a party so she'll cling to you for all of sixty seconds before she sees someone she knows and then befriends their entire group at the party. Definitely someone who believes that strangers are just friends you haven't met yet, which often drives you batty. Whip smart, and even faster to jump to her feet to defend a cause. Will show up with a new haircut the minute she grows even so much as three extra inches of hair. A skater chick, still loves One Direction, will start crying if you try to ask her who her favorite in the band was. She doesn't like mysteries, but is always up for a "Nightmare on Elm Street" marathon. Has a strange passion for reptiles, and was flattered when you mentioned her likeness to Maggie Nelson in Marvel's "Mosaic."

12. Sophia - "Sophia the First"

Adorable, I wanna squeeze her cheeks and make her read Anne of Green Gables. Someone's baby cousin that often hangs over at their house so you catch her chasing butterflies and planting miniature sunflowers in the patch of soil cleared just for her. A total sweetheart and even if she does something wrong, she is just a baby. Has the cutest pet lop-eared rabbit she cares for like it were a child, and always asks you questions about what kind of pet kitten or puppy you would get if you could, and then gets sad when you don't have that pet, and it makes you want to crush her in a hug.

13. Star - "Star vs. The Forces of Evil"

A pastel cutie and a menace all wrapped into one butterfly printed package. You absolutely need to limit exposure to her, her exuberance is far too much at times- like you're guzzling cherry slushies nonstop until your stomach gets that intensely pointed aching feeling from being overfilled, and your tongue goes numb and sour from the relentless assault of icy, sticky sweetness. But for the time where you've not grown sick and weary of the bombastic cherry flavor, you absolutely are loving her and her frantic, carefree energy. Her fashion choices are adorable and weird, and it gives you some confidence to maybe try a top or miniskirt you would normally never dare to look at. A party animal most days, her mellow moments would be ultimate whiplash for you. Hates bananas for some reason?

14. Mulan - "Mulan"

Stubborn, cool, and is a little too fond of 10k races. Your go-to buddy to run into Lush and spend way too much on their products. She's usually playing some lo-fi mix on Youtube and has a bookshelf organized alphabetically by title. She's your go-to ghost believing buddy, indulging in Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural marathons with you. She's always a Shaniac which grinds your gears the first two marathons you share. After that, you don't tell her- but she just knows, that you start becoming a Shaniac too, and just gets smug little smiles she never shares the reasons for at the oddest moments in episodes. A smoothie junkie, and the best way to get her to do you any favor she would usually never be bothered with, is to present her with one kiwi-peach-apple smoothie.

15. Belle - "Beauty and the Beast"

Your Barnes & Noble book haul buddy. Very fond of Danielle Steele, Meg Cabot, and Anne Rice. The Queen Bee of the situation, and sort of petty when things don't go her way. Often doles out quiet, contemplative advice for the best neutral eye and lip combos when she catches you eyeing the more electric Morphe palettes at Ulta. Irons all her clothes, including her jeans, but you don't tease her very much about it. Loves a good steaming cup of tea, and on stormy nights, adds some whiskey to the tea pot. Collects porcelain figures she finds at antique stores, and wistfully dreams of becoming a cottagecore girl to escape the crowded city.

16. Cinderella - "Cinderella"

Soft spoken and dainty, she either gets her nails done in a neat french manicure or soft shades of pink. Will take any small excuse to dress like she's going to DisneyBound. Judy Garland and Grace Kelly are her idols. She's got a deft hand and very into fashion, always wanting to make her own clothes and offering to knit you a scarf or poncho. She is the only reason you go to the tea room in your city, and your best bet for a gift is either a bolt of tulle or special hardback editions of Jane Austen.

17. Aurora - "Sleeping Beauty"

Beautiful for sure, and a daydreamer. Very easy to sneak up on and scare. Probably a Swiftie, and she'd probably cry to Folklore for about two weeks. Has a collection of unicorns she's picked up from odd stores on a shelf just above her crystal collection. Her favorite crystal is a chunk of selenite she most often works with. Aurora is without a doubt far too dependant on Starbucks, and takes a lot of selfies with each new drink they create. Entirely obsessed with cottagecore, pumpkin cream cold brews, and Uggs.

18. Vanellope - "Wreck-it Ralph"

A Brat, plain and simple. Obsessed with Decora-aesthetic, reminds me of all the worst bits of myself from middle school . . . but when she isn't focused on making you rip out all of your hair, she's hilarious.

19. Snow White - "Snow White"

Demure, gentle, and almost disturbingly pleasant. Keeps a house so clean you feel you've dirtied it just from stepping foot inside. Makes the most delicious pies and breads. A theatre kid who, not only successfully transitioned from theatre club to actually working on stage, but also never ever lets you forget the memorable times she had in theatre at high school. Decorates for seasons, not holidays, so you get to see a ton of "Cute Fall Decorating Ideas For Your Table" instagram posts. Dream is to work as a friend of a princess at Disney World.

20. Raya - "Raya and The Last Dragon"

A new friend! You haven't known her very long but she seems like a lot of fun. Pretty, confident, and her snapchat videos of her workouts are like short movies (and entirely intimidating, it makes you want to eat a ton afterwards like some kind of defiant reaction). Wouldn't seem it, but she loves wasting hours on Tik Tok. Usually a serious and unphased person, she's got this knack for deadpan humor that really tickles you.

21. Atta - "A Bug's Life"

Ok . . . yes. In real life, I would be very confused about why this ant is bright purple, and would probably refrain from killing her for that alone. Just make sure she stays outside my apartment and we're groovy. Much like with Kiara though, we pretend this all exists in "Disney-verse" and therefore I would ensure she and her colony get, like, a sugar cube every two weeks. Make mini ladybug backpacks for her sister Dot and her troupe. I just think Atta doesn't get the attention she deserves.

22. Anna - "Frozen 2"

(Anna was significantly more likeable to me in the sequel so . . .) Well, a quirky and likeable girl. A bit too willing to just go on random adventures so she might be a little exhausting. Very good at braiding, and willing to share her stash of expensive imported chocolates. Watching her and her sister interact is always the cutest. Unfortunate habit of thinking those "Fall Girl" photoshoots are really cute, and even owns one or two of the chunky knit sweaters that feature in those photos. A pumpkin spice snob for all of September, then bizarrely switches to Apple Cider through the rest of fall??? Takes pictures of all the dogs she sees while out and proudly shows them off, but saves the very best photos in a special folder for when friends are having a tough time.

23. Eilonwy - "The Black Cauldron"

A fiesty, sarcastic Brat (though not on the level of Vanellope) who you know, despite outward bravado, would melt into a pink puddle if dropped into a Sanrio store. A typical pre-teen on the cusp of teenagedom, knowing and naive, brash and skittish all at once. Cried through her first (and all the way through the third) listening of Evermore. Has dedicated her life to making Halloween her personality, and is a passionate gardener.

24. Melody - "The Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea"

Hmm . . . a girl who might have stepped out of a John Green coming-of-age novel. Bubbly, sometimes moody, and generally more concerned with collecting sea glass for her Etsy shop than anything. Loves The Descendants. Honestly don't talk to her too often, more like wave in a friendly manner to when passing by the Pacsun shop she works at.