Mimic

I

"Last time I was around this many people, it was an orgy!" Gramorn Songsteel yelled as he buried his sword into one of the Trieflin Assassins. The assassin stumbled back, eyes wide as the blue life-blood oozed from the wound. She fell to the ground, mouth forming a perfect 'O'. "Please tell me there are no more of these assholes."

"There are eight more here and a whole army on the way," Eleak Armorsmith answered. The resident sorcerer waved his hands around and shot a fireball from his cupped hands. The fire engulfed one of the assassins who had targeted another member of the ragtag team of misfit soldiers.

"Crap, I promised mom I wouldn't be lit on fire today, she's going to be so mad!" The Assassin said in Trieflinenese as the flames flickered all over her. Without warning, she disintegrated into a pile of dust. Her mom was going to be really mad about that.

Watching their fellow assassin be eaten up by the flame seemed to irritate them, maybe she was one of the coworkers who actually did her job. A taller one, who seemed to be the elder of the group based on height and the length of his black hair, pulled a sword from its sheath. It was the sword of the ocean.

Gramorn, Eleak, Belian Waveharp, and Caidove Wolfsmith all gulped. The sword of the ocean was one of the most powerful weapons in the world, it drew power from both the ocean and the wind. Two of the four elements of magic.

"Do you regret going with the Earth magic yet?" Caidove shot. She drew her bow and arrow and shot her arrow. It sunk into the man's arm, he turned to her with a scowl on his face. He swung the sword in her direction knocking them all to their feet.

"Would your mother be proud of you being an assassin and killing innocent people?" Gramorn asked as he scrambled back to his feet, drawing his dagger. It would be a feeble attempt at inflicting damage but it was all the higher-ups trusted him with.

"Innocent?" The Elder Assassin asked, his voice full of surprise. "Didn't you just admit to being in an orgy? Humans must have a different definition of innocent than we do."

"For Gram, an orgy is innocent. He's a bard you see," Belian explained. The Elder Assassin nodded his head with understanding. "We mean you no harm, we're fleeing from Pirates. They want us dead."

"Do you not work for Queen Corlyassa? The ruthless tyrant who killed our spiritual leader and set our country into a downward economic spiral," Trieflin had incurred a lot of economic trouble but the death of Siva was not the cause of it.

"Well to be fair, Sir Siva was trying to take over Cavis and trying to rid the world of humans, so maybe he needed to be killed," Belian countered. He was met with another swoosh of the sword, this time a light blue ray bounced off of it and hit him.

"Siva wanted to rid the world of sinners, which your precious Cavis has many of. Orgies and drinking, the greed of humans is beyond anything in this world," The Elder assassin swung again, Caidover tucked and rolled over to Belian. She checked his pulse, the color left her face. "Of course, he's dead. You don't get hit with a tsunami and live to tell about it."

The three remaining members looked at one another for help. Eleak shrugged his shoulders and offered as an explanation for why he didn't know despite being a sorcerer, "Once you pick an element, you don't know the other spells usually. Only the most powerful mages get to know more than one element."

"And you caused the Earth to spin backward," Gramorn laughed. He flung his dagger at another of this assassins, it sunk into his heart. Blue life force squirted out of him, the victim's eyes glowed red and he grunted as he lunged for Gram.

As he got closer, a black cloud formed. The dagger lifted out of the assassin's heart cavity, and into the cloud. Hundreds more daggers appeared in the cloud and began to fling down at the assassins. With the chaos erupting, bodies were everywhere. Gram and Caidove noticed one of the assassins running away but they didn't stop her, they couldn't.

"I thought you were an Earth Sorcerer!" The Elder Assassin cried as a dagger hit his wrist.

Eleak shrugged, "I learned that spell when I was a wee sorcerer. Knee-high to a whore's thigh." This earned a big thumbs up from Gramorn.

The sword of ocean skidded by Caidove, and she picked it up. She swished it around as The Elder Assassin had done, but no magic came from it. It did take off the head of one of the assassins.

The Elder Assassin was not amused, "You fool, do not mess with things of which you have no idea about!"

"God, you behead one assassin trying to kill you with their own weapon and they get all testy about it," Caidove snickered.

The laughs stopped when the rest of the team realized they were surrounded by Trieflin soldiers. The border wall collapsed allowing them in. They had their guns, bows, and other assorted weapons drawn and ready to fire.

"Well, we're rightly watered," Gramorn said, defeat written across his face.

"I have an idea, but I need a distraction to buy me some time," Eleak looked at his two remaining friends. "And this spell is not one I've done before so there could be some really bad consequences to me casting it."

"What are you going to do, spin the Earth off of its axis again?" Caidove asked.

"ONE TIME! I accidentally almost end the world one time and suddenly it's all I'm known for!"

"El, don't worry about it. I can distract them but I don't know for how long. I'll do my best," Gramorn said as he unknotted the rope around his pants and let them drop to the ground.

Eleak stifled a laugh as he set about casting his spell. He waved his arms around, carefully looking around him. The ground began to glow brown, then yellow, and finally green. He made some movements with his hands and watched as the spell progressed further. A rumbling told him that it would soon take effect and give them much-needed help.

Gram kept moving closer to a group of soldiers who tried to scurry away from him. He swiveled his hips around, causing his nether regions to move around like a propeller on a helicopter. Caidove took the opportunity to sneak into the throngs of soldiers and stab them with her ill-gotten weapon. She did not take the time to count her victories, there was a mission afoot and her head was on the prize. Though it was unclear what the prize actually was. Besides staying alive.

Everybody watched in shock as the dead bodies began to rise from the ground. Eleak waved his arms, and the dead bodies began to attack the Trieflin army. As soon as the bodies fell to the ground lifeless, they would rise again.

"Is it really smart to use zombies to fight these guys?" Caidove asked as she took out another of the soldiers.

"Do you have a better plan?" Eleak yelled back. "And one that doesn't involve Gram being naked? Which is worse?"

Caidove took a second to consider, a second that allowed two of the soldiers to get the best of her. The body of one assassin grabbed the soldier off of her and tossed him aside. Relieved she shot a thumbs up at Eleak who continued to wave his arms around wildly. He nodded in return.

Overcoming their initial uneasiness with Gram's nudity, the Trieflin soldiers began to attack him. Belian's body thrust knives into their sides and punched those that had armor on. Gram kicked and threw more daggers at the enemies.

Each time life left a body, it would be resurrected and fighting with Eleak and the gang. Soon the number of undead outnumbered the Trieflin army and the ones that remained alive began to retreat.

The Elder Assassin had made it out of the battle alive, though just barely. He looked at Eleak and shook his head, "In your quest for a Deus Ex Machina, you have doomed the world."

"What are you talking about? I can get rid of these zombies quite easily. You're just mad because even with an army the size of the moon, you lost to the three of us."

"Yeah! We beat you and we did it without any clothes on!" Gram agreed.

The Elder Assassin averted his eyes from Gram, "There are consequences to using the type of dark magic you used. This is not a victory for you, nor should it be treated as such."

One of the undead creatures plunged a sword into The Elder Assassins back, he slumped to the ground. He groaned as he rose again. Eleak directed him towards another that seemed to be doing magic in an effort to fight the army of zombies back. Eleak smiled, "See not only did we win but we took out one of the elders. That means the Queen will have to pay us our bounty!"

"Umm Eleak, maybe we shouldn't celebrate just yet…" Caidove pointed in every direction. There were zombies as far as the eye could see. "I think we have some trouble."

"Oops, you did it again," Gram smiled as he kicked one of the zombies. "Maybe we should throw a zombie orgy!"

II

"What spell did you use?" Caidove asked, her voice full of irritation.

"It's called Dead Rise, and I know I cast it perfectly. They all follow my direction," Eleak defended himself. He waved his arms and the undead army formed rows. "All I have to do is keep concentration and everything will be fine."

"What happens if you lose concentration?"

"Clearly, we enter the end times and I win the five thousand pearls in the apocalypse pot. Isn't it obvious?" Gramorn asked. He had finally pulled on some pants and used a rope to hold them up after Caidove threatened to take off both heads with the sword of the ocean. "Everyone said I was a fool for setting that bet up but who's laughing now?"

"Gram, you do realize how serious this is, don't you? We need to be able to get to the Queen in order to get the money we actually earned for taking care of the assassins for her, and if somehow this spells goes wrong or more accurately when this spell goes wrong, we won't be able to do that," Caidove shook her head. "And you only won the pot because you didn't let anyone else guess zombie apocalypse."

"Why do you guys not have any faith in my ability as a spellcaster? You have to prove talent in order to be taught magic, clearly, I did that and you guys didn't," Eleak continued to wave his arms around but narrowed his eyes. The green glow of the ground faltered a bit. "I need to concentrate but this will be the easiest money we've made. Just trust me."

Famous last words. Gram and Caidove nodded their agreement. They began to head to the castle which was due east from where they were. With the sun lower in the sky and the stars promising to light the way, it seemed as though the journey would be easy to make.

After the sun had sunk and the moon had risen, the wind brought a chill. But the trio continued to walk, hoping to reach the castle before the sun awoke from its nap. The ground continued to glow green, giving an unnatural light to guide their hike.

When they stopped for supper, Eleak fell asleep. Caidove and Gram kept watch, so the sorcerer could sleep. He awoke in a start. "How long was I asleep?"

"We don't have timepieces but I'd guess a few rotations. Why?" Gram asked.

"The spell should have been broken, I wasn't concentrating. Though the undead probably returned to their place in purgatory," Eleak said, but the worry was etched on his forehead. "The ground has been glowing green this entire time?"

"I guess so, I wasn't really paying attention to the ground," Gram wiggled his eyebrows. Caidove punched his stomach. "Damn girl, why you gotta play so rough?"

"Yes, Eleak the entire time you slept the ground was green. Some of us have our minds on something other than," she shook her head. "Is that bad? I thought sorcerers could concentrate in their sleep."

"More advanced mages can, however, I am not there. Yet. This is curious, I don't know how it happened. It shouldn't have happened."

"Maybe you're more powerful than you think. Like a ninja sorcerer that can keep spells going longer," Gramorn offered. Caidove shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. "You think I'm wrong?"

"Yes. There is no such thing as 'ninja sorcerers,' that's not how this works. It's not how any of this works," She sighed. Then turned to Eleak, "Is there any reason why the spell would continue without you?"

"I don't know. If I knew, we would be having a much different conversation," Eleak answered. His eyes stayed focused on the ground, brow furrowed. "There's a difference in the shade of green. It could mean the spell is ending but there's one more thing that doesn't make sense."

"None of the zombies are hot? Because they're dead and messing with dead people is wrong but so, so tempting," Gram grinned. The other two looked at him with a mixture of disgust and admiration. If he had no other talent, he could turn almost anything into a sexual act. "Also, why is there another Eleak?"

Caidove followed Gram's gaze and let out a surprised squeak, "I'll be a son of the water. There is another Eleak, but he just seems to be waving his arms around."

Eleak waved his arms around in a wild fashion and a fireball appeared. He pushed the fireball and watched as the spell made its way to the other Eleak. It made a direct hit and turned the clone into ashes. The ground returned to its natural brown hue.

Not all of the animated dead returned to the land of the lost. The uncontrolled group turned to Gram, Caidove, and Eleak with anger in their eyes. "It would appear that someone used even darker magic than I did."

"What does that mean?" Caidove asked, fear creeping into her voice. "How watered are we?"

"On a scale of one to Merlin overthrowing King Arthur, we're at a zombie apocalypse," Eleak sighed.

"You did it again! El has caused the end of the world to happen," Gram's words hit the air with joy, but somberness soon took over. "Does that mean we have to save the world from your spell again?"

"It's not that simple. First, we need to figure out who cast the spell and find out how they did it. It appears as though killing the 'leader' of each group will invariably cause the zombies to be under their own control again," Eleak explained, head in his hands.

"So not only do we have to defeat these things but we have to go against someone who works with dark magic? Isn't that illegal?" Caidove asked. She roundhouse kicked a zombie that had steadily moved closer to her.

"A lot of things are illegal, that doesn't mean they don't happen," Eleak's voice was shaky. "It just means these spells don't happen safely. And what occurs is this."

"How dark was your spell?"

"Dark but legal. The Army has used Animate Dead several times against the Elves. Those power-hungry cretins," Eleak looked at his friends. "Since I am an Earth student, I was allowed to learn it in case I had to fight in a war."

"None of this makes any sense. Dark but legal? That sounds like an oxymoron,"

"I dated an oxymoron once. It was very confusing," Gram punched an approaching zombie, knocking it to the floor. "I know, I know, not helpful Gram. But seriously…"

"Gram, for the last time Otikas was not an oxymoron, he was half-elf and half-human. This is why he broke up with you,"

"Guys, I would love to play guess who Gram hid the wand in but we have some more pressing matters," They saw a group of approaching zombies, some of them carrying bows and arrows. Another Belian headed up the group. "And it appears as though, we will keep killing our loved ones over and over again. Whoever cloned me, whatever spell they used, they just cloned the entire area."

"So no new sexy zombies? Bummer!" Gram drop kicked one of the enemies. "Maybe the Queen will reward me with one."

"Gram, for the love of the moon, can you focus on something other than your outrageously high libido? We need to kill tens of thousands of zombies, a dark sorcerer, somehow manage to stay alive, and make it back to the Queen to collect our reward."

"Just use magic, El. That'll keep us alive and make defeating the zombies much easier," Gram shook his head. "Am I the only one who thinks around here?"

Eleak shrugged and sent off a fireball, it hit a zombie in the middle and caught some of the others on fire as well. With a raised eyebrow and an unsure smile, he sent another one into the crowd. This one failed to ignite even one zombie. "Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose."

"Won't you get tired of doing that? Maybe you could teach me to do it, and I could help with the magic," Caidove suggested. A twinkle in her eye suggested she had been waiting for an opportunity to do make this suggestion. "I'm a fast learner."

"Weren't you just going on about legality? The Queen would have both of our heads if you started using magic without first registering," Eleak paused. "Though fireball is a beginner spell, so maybe…"

"You can't just start casting spells, even beginning ones. This isn't Calvenia!" Gram protested. Neither of his friends had ever heard him protest breaking the rules with such authority before. "What? I have ethics when it's convenient."

"Gram, this is not a convenient time for you to grow a conscience. Especially after trying to lust after zombies," Caidove snarled. "We have big problems and need creative solutions."

"What about burning bushes?"

"An STD epidemic is not magic, it's a night with you!" Eleak answered.

Before another word could be said, a fireball zoomed past them. It hit a tree and the flames licked upwards. Caidove looked at the others and sighed, "It looks like we have another problem."

"Yeah, those balls were bigger than El's," Gram answered as another one came straight at him.

III

"What are we going to do? We have to fight these cloned zombies, who may or may not be under someone's control and there's a sorcerer throwing fireballs at us," Caidove looked over Eleak. He was rubbing his temples with his scraggly fingers. "None of this is your fault, we just have to figure out how to undo it."

"I could try to do what's called Rotate Spell, it basically undoes another wizard's spell. The trouble is, we don't know where this person is or how they have cloned me so effectively," Eleak's eyes watered. "They have to be a very talented mage and one who has more experience than I do."

"For what it's worth, magic got us into this mess, should we really trust it to get us out?" Gram asked his friends. It had been quite a few clock rotations since the last fireball had zoomed past them and there had been no signs of the zombies. The ground no longer glowed green, and things seemed peaceful. "If we run into the zombie bastards couldn't we just fight them? Or, you know, have a good time with them?"

Eleak and Caidove exchanged a look, neither was prepared for the first part of the argument he had made. And neither wanted to talk about the second half. The self-satisfied smirk on Gram's face told them he knew he had them over a barrel, and in his mind, it was probably literally. Eleak broke the silence, "Gram, for the last time we cannot have a zombie orgy. These creatures are not alive. Also, there's nothing sexy about them."

"I second the nothing sexy about them and further, magic may be the only thing we have to keep us alive," Caidove said. "Also, not everything has to be sex."

"You're talking nonsense right now! Most things in life revolve around getting money or getting laid. In this case, getting money would get us laid. And there are plenty of sexy zombies. Maybe because they can't talk or…"

"Please don't finish that sentence," Caidove realized she said that more to Gramorn than any other person she had ever met. "Let's come up with a plan, so we can get the Queen's reward. And no more adventures after this."

"You say that after every adventure. And every time we want to go on a hunt, you are the first one to sign up!" Gram smiled at her. "And you guys only made a joke about using burning bushes. If we are going to use magic, why not set the shrubbery on fire? It'll keep the zombies away, and give us a path to get to the castle."

"It also gives whoever is attacking us the perfect opportunity to kill us," Eleak shot.

"Or seduce us. Maybe this is all one big sex game and the end result is…"

"It's not. Can we please focus on the real danger we are facing here?" Caidove's voice shook with fear, "We need a real plan, something that will keep us alive."

"We need to do the exact opposite. We need to go back to the path and face the zombies and fireballs," Eleak looked pleased with himself. Caidove shot him a look that suggested her impatience. "Caidove, listen to me. The best way to solve this is to be in the thick of it. The zombies aren't going to give us an answer, we know they are coming from someone using mimic on me, but the fireballs may lead to the real enemy."

Gram started to take his clothes off, Caidove put her hands on his shoulder and shook her head. "I have seen your penis enough for three lifetimes. And I don't hate Eleak's plan but please don't try to have sex with the zombies," She shook her head. "There's a sentence I never thought I'd have to say."

"A sentence you thought you would never have to say again," Eleak corrected her. Gram rolled his eyes but hoisted his bottoms back up and tied the rope around them tighter. "And Gram, we may need to do some hand-to-hand combat, are you ready for that?"

"Course I am. I was born ready,"

"No, you were born randy. Your father told us how you hit on the doctor and the nurse when you were born," Caidove grinned. "Only a true bard could get away with that."

Gram's face fell, he avoided eye contact. Eleak went over and put his arm around his buddy, "Hey, it's ok. Your dad would be proud of you! He'd buy you a drink and a partner for the night with everything you've done to honor him."

"Let's get out there and beat some Trieflin ass!" Gram rallied but left his arm around Eleak for a beat longer.

With a deep breath from each of the trio, they ventured out of the woods and back onto the path. Darkness blanketed everything, save for the light from the end of Eleak's wand. "I could use guided light but I wasn't sure if you guys would think it was a good idea."

"If the plan is to draw them to us, wouldn't the more light be better?" Caidove asked.

"I thought the plan was to kick some zombie ass and trace the magic to the sorcerer casting it, and then beating the wind out of them," Gram inserted.

"Gram's right. Or at least more right than you this time, Caidove.We need to trace where the magic is coming from, and find out who is casting it and why," Zombie grunts grew louder as they got closer to the path. Light from fireballs made the beam from Eleak's wand unnecessary. All three checked the ground and noted that it no longer glowed green. "This is troubling. A lack of color means no sorcerer is concentrating on the spell, and that means the zombies will act of their own accord."

"Dumb it down, El."

"As far as I can tell, even the most advanced spellcaster would need to concentrate on the spell to keep them under control. The fact no one seems to be controlling them makes this a much more dangerous task, and we may not find the sorcerer who did this. We could well be screwed."

IV

Fireballs crashed into one another in the sky above Gramorn, Caidove, and Eleak. After the collision, particles would fall to the ground lifelessly. Several more would whiz past them as if the destination was nothing more than a suggestion, and destruction was more important than hitting anything.

"Why couldn't we see the orangeness of the sky or hear the explosions back in the woods?" Caidove asked, eyes darting around. A sudden chill filled her body. "And why is it cold when there is so much fire?"

"The spells are an illusion," Eleak answered offhandedly. Then just like the sun rising and spreading light, a realization washed over the sorcerer. "Son of the Ocean. The fireballs are cloned too."

"That doesn't make sense, even if they are cloned, the fireballs should still have heat. They're clones not illusions," Caidove argued.

"You don't understand, the more something is cloned, the less real it becomes. The fireballs that were thrown at us earlier were from beginning clones. These are from clones that have been recreated again and again, maybe even coming from clones themselves."

"So there's like a whole army of Eleak clones and clones of Eleak clones?" Gram asked. A zombie began to approach them, so he kicked it. "That's kinda hot if you think about it."

"Please don't think about messing around with one of my clones or even the clones of my clones," Eleak shook his head. He cast a fireball at the approaching army of zombies. The fire ravaged their bodies but they continued their march. "That has to be one of the weirdest sentences ever uttered."

Gram continued to kick and punch the invading army of the undead. There were more of them than the group and it seemed nothing would work to stop the influx.

Eleak would send off fireballs in intervals but they only seemed to temporarily stop the army. The heat from the spell seemed to offer them an energy source and gave them extra strength. The grunts became deeper, the eyes as black as coal.

"There has to be something we can do, Eleak. You have to have a spell that you've always wanted to try or one that you only get to use once a century or something," There was a pleading tone in Caidove's voice.

"What about…" Gram let his voice trail off. Eleak looked at him in shock, he had confided in his friend about a spell that he had learned but it was off the books and went against the laws of Earth Magic. "It's a desperate situation."

"What? What is it? Tell me! You guys know I hate it when you keep secrets from me."

"There's Earth Shatter. It will shake the ground and pull anyone within the spell's range under. I know it, but it's another bit of dark magic. And who knows what we will be opening ourselves up to if I use it."

"Come on, you have to use it!" Gram started jumping up and down, glee in his eyes. "We're already in trouble from raise the dead, might as well end that with this."

"Or not. I mean the Queen probably won't look kindly on us starting the zombie apocalypse. And will probably be even more upset if we bring about the complete destruction of the world," Caidove's fist went through a zombie's face. And out the other side. Grey goo clung to her hands. "On the other hand, the world will have ended and what can she really do to us?"

Eleak looked at them, his face expressing his thoughts. After a final sigh, "The thing is, if someone mimics this, we really are in trouble."

"You mean armies of sexy, undead soldiers isn't trouble enough?" Gram asked, then with a sly smile, "And I mean sexy."

"Gram, keep it in your pants," Caidove admonished. Then had to suppress a giggle when Gram looked down. "It's a saying!"

While they bantered, Eleak began to shake his hands near the ground. He growled at them, "Get back. This spell works for 60 feet in all directions. As we walk, it'll keep happening. Which will give us an advantage for a bit. But at some point, I need to do the tracking spell."

"I could do it," Caidove offered again, sticking as close to Eleak as possible. "I'm a fast learner and won't mess anything up."

"The issue is if the Queen finds out someone is doing unregistered magic, we could all be sent to jail. I have been training all my life for this. While the spell is simple and I have no doubt about your capabilities, we could get into a lot of trouble. Assuming, I haven't set about the end of the world already."

"Exactly, we're already all going to die, why not die fighting with everything we have! Doing what we want!"

Gram heard the last part and untied the rope holding his pants up, allowing them to fall to the ground. Eleak and Caidove both moaned. "Hey, you guys said to do what we want. So, zombie apocalypse orgy?"

"NO!" They shouted in unison.

"Fine, I guess we'll just kill them with this spell and let all of the sexiness go to waste. Unless," Gram raised his eyebrow. Caidove's fist slammed into his stomach. "Oof. Come on, like you never thought of having fun with the undead. Not even once?"

"Not even in your fantasies!"

Eleak concentrated on the ground, pressing his hands to the ground. The spell began to take effect, as the ground opened up and the shaking forced some of the zombies into the widening split. "Mother Earth may never forgive me for this."

The zombies continued to fall in, as the team began making their journey again. "Eleak, are you alright? You're looking pale," Caidove asked as she put her arm around him.

"Yeah, of course, I am. Just have to keep concentrating," One of the Clone Eleaks ran by them, forming a fireball. As it whizzed by them, a chill ran through them all. "That's one of the later clones. The Cloner must be near,"

Gram kicked one of the zombies into the divide, as another one went to bite him, "I appreciate your kink but the other said no fun. I'm supposed to be serious or something."

"Not everyth--" Caidove went to admonish Gram but stopped when Eleak made a grunting sound and fell to the ground.

The zombie that had tried to bite Gram, grabbed his arm as the divide began to close. "This is not the type of hole I wanted to be in tonight."

V

"I always knew it would be a woman that saved the world, I just didn't know it was going to be me," Caidove said. She bent next to Eleak and checked for a pulse. Relief flooded through her when she found it, though it was weak. "Come on, Eleak. Please wake up."

"Hey, Caidove, I know I like being in tight spaces but this is a little ridiculous. Mind helping?" Gram asked. His face was turning red, His breathing was hard. "Please."

Caidove walked over to him and shook her head. "You realize this is because you tried to get something going on with a clone zombie, right?" She paused and shook her head. "Why is it when I'm with you I end up saying the most ridiculous things?"

"Because I'm fun," Gram gratefully took her hand. She pulled and was gratified when his body began to inch out of the divide. Once he was out, he took a few deep breaths. "It was quite hot in there."

"I'm worried about Eleak. He hasn't woken up and his pulse was shallow. Do you think the spell killed him?"

"Nah, El has done thousands of spells. There's nothing to worry about. Well except for whoever cloned him and cloned zombies and cloned Eleaks throwing ripoff fireballs at us. You know the usual stuff," Gram tried to smile. "Come on, Cai. Don't start worrying, El will be ok. He has to be," Then he added a quieter, "He has to be."

"We shouldn't stay in one spot too long. Maybe we need to carry Eleak for a while but that would be less dangerous than leaving ourselves open…"

"That's a worse plan than the time I asked the Judge if I was allowed to throw a dungeon sex party. We would both have to carry him and there is no way in hell we could protect ourselves," Gram ran his fingers over Eleak's body. "Plus, he may need a medic."

"Do you see a medic around here?" She softened a bit. "I know you're right but we are in the middle of nowhere, we've already lost Belian. I really don't want us to lose Eleak too."

"We won't. He's strong. He'll come through this. Probably just needed a nap again."

"I know where The Cloner is!" Eleak shot up, a wild look in his eyes. "I already fought her… and I lost."

VI

"Maybe no more alcohol for you," Caidove said as Eleak repeated his words. "And maybe the dark magic needs a break too."

"I'm telling you, I battled her. See this scar?" He held out his wrist but there was nothing there. Caidove and Gramorn exchanged looks. "I am not crazy. I am certain I could use detector and find her within half a rotation."

"I believe you," Gram sucked in a deep breath. "But El, you were passed out. You couldn't have fought anyone, any more than I could have…."

"Gram, where are your pants?" Caidove asked.

"I haven't been wearing any in a while," He shrugged and turned his attention back to Eleak. "When you're strong enough, I think we should head back to the Queen. We'll collect our pay and then have a nice relaxing snort of…."

"NO! WE ARE FINDING THE CLONER," Eleak thundered. After taking a deep breath, "I know you're looking out for me but this battle has to happen."

"El, if you're going to lose, it doesn't make any sense to go through with it. Nothing good can come of the battle taking place,"

A fireball landed in the middle of them, all three jumped back shocked at the heat. "This is what I was trying to tell you. She's a very advanced sorceress, her concentration level is out of this world, literally. Unless she dies or I do, the clones will keep popping up. Since I'm the more likely of the two to die, I want to sacrifice myself to save the world. Since you know, this is the second time I've almost destroyed it."

"Maybe you don't have to die," Caidove said looking over at Gram and then diverting her eyes. "If you two are battling it out, why couldn't Gram and I also attack her? I have a bow and arrow, Gram has his penis."

"I am not using my penis to attack an old sorceress. Unless she's hot. Or smart. Or," Gram scratched his chin as if in thought.

"Walking on two legs? Although if I recall correctly that's not ALWAYS a requirement," Eleak smiled at his friend. "Stump really needed that night of fun that you gave him."

"Enough of Gram's sordid life, let us attack her and help get rid of her," Caidove looked at her backpack longingly. "Plus, it's been a while since I got to shoot an arrow into someone."

"Why didn't you shoot some into the zombies that were attacking us? That might have been helpful, you know?" Gram shot, though the grin suggested he wasn't upset about it.

"I need to save arrows for the big people we fought not zombies that want nothing to do with your gross fantasies!"

"If you two could come out of whatever it is you're doing, I found her. The divide stopped her progress towards the Queen and has given us a chance to meet up with her before she destroys everything," Eleak pointed due south. His finger a bright orange color indicated an enemy was in the direction. "Caidove, if you want to shoot your arrows at her, your best bet would be to get up in one of the trees, so you're in range but have a cover. Gram, you'll be prone."

A sexy smile crept up on his face. Before he could say anything, Caidove added in, "That doesn't mean what you think it does. It means you'll be injured in the fight."

"I like it rough," His friend groaned as they made their way along the divide. Nobody said a word until they noticed a shift in how nature was reacting.

Trees became darker in nature, almost a silhouette. Animals hid in the shadows, careful not to draw attention to themselves. While cloned Eleaks had not been seen since the last fireball crashed near them, there were zombie moans and fireballs whizzing in the distance.

Finally, the hooves of The Cloner's horse told them they were near her. Eleak looked at the other two, "I think we should have a signal when we're ready to start this battle."

"I thought the three of you would never join me. Now that you have, I hope you're prepared to die," The Cloner turned and smirked at them. It was not just an assassin from Trieflin, it was a mage from the pirate ship they had robbed.

VII

As The Cloner sent a snowball hurtling towards them, Caidove scrambled up a nearby tree and readied her bow. The snowball was a direct hit to Gram, and he fell to the ground shivering, "I thought you were supposed to turn me down before giving me blue balls."

"Why is this creature naked every time I encounter him?" The Cloner asked, not taking her eyes off of him. "Even on the pirate ship, he had no clothes on but at least that made sense."

Eleak summoned a thunderbolt from the sky, which caused The Cloner to hiss at him but she didn't have to react because Caidove sunk an arrow into the nape of her neck. The reward was a guttural roar.

The Cloner went to shoot off a spell at Caidove but got cut off by another thunderbolt from Eleak's spell. It sent her tumbling to the ground. Eleak smiled and said, "Thank you, Mother Earth, for the extra magic. That was helpful."

Gram ran up to her, with his dagger out. As he lowered it into her skin, Eleak sent a green flame blade to it. The Cloner's skin sizzled as the blade cut into her. Gram decided to taunt her, "So much for being an all-powerful enemy. And don't act like you hate my nakedness when you can't take your eyes off of me."

She twisted and turned until Gram was thrown off of her. She looked at the tree, then at Eleak, and finally at Gram. It seemed as if she were trying to decide which of them deserved her ire more. Ultimately, she decided the naked one needed to be taught a lesson and began to cast another snowball. Eleak sent a fireball at her, which melted the cold spell.

"Eleak! You know that's not how this works," The Cloner sneered before firing off a Chaos spell. Gram knocked Eleak out of the way and took the brunt of the spell.

Caidove took the distraction to fire off another arrow, this one landing in the sorceress's arm. The Cloner brought the arrow out of her arm and tossed it back towards Caidove. It flew over her head, causing the heroine to giggle. "You throw like a drunk pirate after midnight!"

As The Cloner prepared another spell to fire off at Caidove, Eleak blasted her with a fireball that knocked her to the side.

Gram grinned and threw his dagger, still emblazoned with a green flame, at her but hit one of the trees. It lit up the night sky with the kind of green reserved for electronics that no longer work. He ran over the tree and started pulling the leaves off one by one as the flames up and down the tree.

Every leaf that fluttered to the forest's floor ignited a mini-green fire. Eleak and The Cloner were cordoned off in one, while Caidove was stuck in the tree with no way down and flames that seemed seriously close to jumping to the tree she was in. "Hey Gram, how about we don't do this. Maybe stop and think about something fun."

"He's under the influence of the chaos spell. He'll keep spreading it as much as he can until this nitwit stops concentrating."

"Neet Weet? I supposed you are talking about me, but I'll have you know, I am a far more advanced sorcerer than you. I can summon dragons,"

"Me too!" Gram announced and then he began to dance around the flames, singing "I want dragons."

They watched as Gram threw more of the flaming leaves around. Eleak sighed, "This is one of those times when I wish I had taken up Water magic to combat this fire."

"It's Ocean. Why do you people never get that right?" The Cloner snapped, she made no move to counter the spell's effects on Gram. "You fall to pieces if someone gets one tiny detail wrong about Earth magic but you can't even name my element."

"We've had a total of 30 seconds of conversation, so you are taking some huge leaps here. And frankly, I would think we should be more concerned about Gram spreading the fire all over," Eleak sighed.

Another arrow hit The Cloner, causing her to roar loudly. Caidove had hit her directly again. Blood seeped out of the wound, her eyes were red with anger. She cupped her hands together and shot an ice ball in the direction that the arrow had come.

Caidove ducked and it hit the tree, causing it to shake. With a deep breath, she said a silent prayer to Mother Earth that it wouldn't fall over. It seemed to work as the tree settled, and Gram watched in amazement. Everything seemed to be going the way they wanted it to.

Grabbing more of the dry leaves, Gram started piling them on top of the flames that surrounded his friends. Little by little the flames extinguished, and he was standing behind the enemy. A pointed twig caught his eye, he picked it up. Without a thought, he ran towards The Cloner with the pointed end of the twig out.

Snap! The twig broke in half when it connected with the backside of their foe. The Cloner snarled as she turned around. The distraction gave Eleak enough time to send a fireball at her, knocking her to her feet. "Good thinking, Gram! Or is this more of the effect of the spell?"

"Can you ever tell with me?"

The Cloner climbed to her feet, her face full of disdain. She made a circle with her fingers and pushed her hands through it. Water shot out at Eleak, who tried to dive out of the way. It hit him and tossed him to the ground. As the water climbed its way over to the flames, it mixed and burned hotter.

"I thought water was supposed to extinguish flames," Caidove shouted as the more powerful flames began to engulf the trees. Jumping from one to the other. "This physiology is wrong."

"It's magic water and flames, when combined they become more powerful. They work together."

"So now we have a powder keg and we're all going to die?"

"That appears to be the case, yes," Eleak sighed. "Unless we come up with some terrific plan that won't backfire."

"Don't count on it. I couldn't kill you on the ship but this time, the three stooges who have tormented me so will die. And all because you couldn't beat a few assassins and an entire army. Now you'll pay the price. As you should," The Cloner clapped her hands and thunder roared from the sky. "Toodles suckers."

Gram cupped his hands and picked up some of the flame and water mixture. He tossed it at her before she could retreat from the scene. Her skin blistered on impact, and the flames wrapped around her like a snake on a tree.

She fell to the ground as the flames ate their way up her body. Eleak walked over to her and looked at his compatriots. "Well I'm no doctor but I think it is safe to say that The Cloner is dead. Gram, how are you feeling?"

"I'm ok but feel kind of weird. Like wired and tired at the same time."

"You'll be fine. We just need to get to the castle."

VIII

"The Queen is quite pleased with you three," The Magistrate said as she handed them envelopes filled with their momentary reward. "She insists that you stay in her service. There may be more tasks for you to complete."

"Is that really fair? I mean, she insists but that means we don't have a choice," Caidove argued. She knew it was useless but felt the need to vent her frustrations. Eleak put his hand on her shoulder. "I know, we're going to do it."

"Good. I shall go see if your feast is ready yet," The Magistrate left the room.

"I wonder…" Gram smiled at his friends.

"Please don't," Eleak sucked in a deep breath.

"Say it," Caidove finished for him.

"I wonder if we'll have a royal orgy. I mean you guys stopped me from having a zombie orgy but this one would be classier." Gram grinned as his friends groaned.

Nothing had changed.